Despite my repeated promise that I will take time to nurture myself my default mode these days seems to be stressed tot he max. Each task I have on my list feels like an overwhelming demand. I am running on too little sleep to complete a list that is too large in a day that has too few hours. And I have created this reality.
When a battery drains too much it can no longer be recharged. My car's battery was close and since it is old we simply replaced it with a fully charged one. My energy does not work that way. I cannot simply plug in a new battery. Yet I can tell that my battery has drained so long that it has warped my reality. I have let this shift my personality into a frenzied and often short tempered person. It is not who I am at the core and yet my battery needs more power to run my normal personality programs.
Today as I sit, knowing I need to recharge and knowing my battery is reaching a critical level, I feel disconnected. There is a long list sitting next to me of what I have to do. There is a timeline of when I have to be at work, at the store, and packed and ready to leave town tonight. Yet all I can feel is the anxiety inside me and all I can hear is the whine of the dogs who despite going out twice in the last hour need to go again. So where is the balance. Will I let it reach a critical melting point? Or perhaps it already has.
I close my eyes and sit. I focus on the ocean sounds playing over the baby monitor and give thanks that my child is sleeping later than usual after having a long night. I tune in to my lungs and consciously make my breaths slower and deeper. I allow my hands to drop from the keyboard and be licked by the dog, who I now realize does not need to potty but simply needs some attention. I slide from my chair and lie on the floor and am rewarded with slobbery kisses. I allow a few tears to fall to help wash out the stress hormones in my system (and yes this is a real, scientifically proven method). I take another deep, deep breath as I climb back out from under my kitchen table fort, giving the dog one more pat before I go.
This five minute intervention is merely a jump start; but it is a start. It is time to truly choose my wellbeing over the to do list. It is time to find some balance amidst the demands my life holds today. It is time to slow down and accept that I cannot do it all while giving myself credit for doing enough.
I'm grateful for the Universe giving me blatant signs. I'm grateful for my husband's help last night, both getting to work and fixing my car. I'm grateful for my role as mom and I'm grateful to know that I can find balance in my roles. I'm grateful for my dogs who are so loving and patient. I'm grateful for the ocean sounds playing in the background. And I'm grateful for the release of my chest pains as I focus on my breath.
Today I will focus on gratitude. Today I will recreate my reality, not just say I will but truly focus on it because my battery has reached that pivotal level and I choose to recharge.
What will you choose today? How can you support yourself and your needs? What messages is the Universe sending you? Are you willing to listen?
May today support our best efforts at self-care. May we step beyond the words and actually take the actions that are needed to nurture ourselves. Have a beautiful day!