For me, this blog will be an integral part of my healing. You see I found a wart on my foot shortly after my divorce four and a half years ago and at that time I was struggling with self-esteem, worth, and especially questioning if I was beautiful. At the time, a wart sent me into shame as I felt this was an embarrassing manifestation of inner ugliness. I was not at the time in touch with my spirituality and personal power so this one little wart seemed devastating. I tried treating it and could not get it to go away so I alternated over the years hiding it and trying to treat it. Then one day there were two! By this time I was in a much better place spiritually and I had the idea that perhaps the adage "what we resist persists" was true and that if I merely loved it then it would return to normal. This didn't work, any ideas why? Because I did not truly feel that way, of course, the warts remained and the result was just me ignoring and pretending they were not there. I continued on my path of self-love and spirituality until I pretty much forgot they were there all together... until I started planning my wedding.
Suddenly I feel a need to remove them again and in studying them there are now two more smaller ones as well. Four warts on my foot! In seeing this it sent me through a mini review of all the beliefs and feelings these warts had stirred over the last several years. Finally I decided to reach out to a friend for help connecting it to the spiritual. I had come up with the connection that it was "stepping forward" and obviously having an impact on the "imperfectly perfect" philosophy that I believe and coach others on in my empowerment courses. So what was I missing and how could I find acceptance for this AND get rid of it. My friend's response startled me. Warts are physical representations of anger and to be on the foot are anger at the very basis of your understanding. What?! I had to sit with this for a while. What anger did I have at the base of my beliefs? Was it simply the imperfectly perfect philosophy being challenged? Well no, because I truly don't believe that warts make me any less perfect at the core. But this is symbolism for something larger going on. What is anger? To me it is most often the fear of not understanding or not being heard. So what fears do I have in taking the next step that is due to my core beliefs...
I am getting re-married in a few months. The first wart appeared when I got divorced and at that time I did not believe it was even a possibility in my life. I truly believed marriage lasted forever and I was devastated to have this belief broken. The second one appeared when I was in a relationship with a man that did not believe in marriage because his belief was it didn't work and I had resigned myself to the idea I may never marry again. Now I am with a man that treats me as his queen and cherishes me. We have our typical up and down days as all good relationships do; this is the real-life fairytale after all not a cartoon. And now we are planning to wed. We are preparing to make the commitment before family, friends, and state that we will be together forever. I have asked myself if I am jaded or if I still believe that forever is a true option and it has been an emotional path to release the fears that I am now realizing I have held for the past several years. Perhaps there is some anger as well at the innocence that was lost and yet in finally going into the fears and emotions of the past (that I thought I had resolved years ago) I find that there is a renewed gratitude as well.
I'm grateful for a man in my life to renew my faith in "ever after". I'm grateful for a man that has also been through divorce and is willing to walk beside me as we now rebuild the path. I'm grateful for the man who let me go and allowed me the opportunity to find myself and truly spread my wings to fly. I'm grateful for all the relationships along the way that have taught me so much. And I'm honestly (as weird as it may sound) grateful for the warts that persisted until I was willing to dig deep and allow these fears to surface and be worked through. I'm truly grateful to have a beautiful spiritual family and friends that I can reach out to for advice and inspiration. I'm truly blessed.
What has been showing up in physical form for you? Have you taken time to look at the spiritual side of it? If you would like to brainstorm on possible spiritual manifestations and their meanings, as always, feel free to reach out to me through email at ReyofGratitude@gmail.com. Thank you for being such a loving audience and sounding board as I share my journey. Have a beautiful day!