When I was in school this happened every time there was something going on at school. It could be anything from a party to an assembly or spelling bee. A change in the routine of the school day had me up, sometimes in excitement or occasionally in stress but mostly just awake.
I worked with preschoolers with Autism and other communication delays for seven years and each time before a party or big day I would be awake in the middle of the night. So I don't know why I am surprised to be awake tonight. Maybe I thought the exhaustion of motherhood would override all else. Maybe I thought this core aspect of myself had somehow changed. But some things don't change, or at least nit on their own.
I don't see this as a flaw or issue. It just is what it is. Maybe this is my way of handling change, by having a predictable response that doesn't change. Haha! Either way, in seven hours there will be a party and an excited little girl and a happy mommy.
I'm grateful to get to be on the mom side of the party after so many years on the caregiver side. I'm grateful for how one child can be energizing and exhausting all in one moment. I'm grateful for how many dreams came true just by her entering this world and all the wonderful moments we have shared so far. I'm grateful for this new milestone, her first school party. I'm grateful for all the milestones we've celebrated and all the ones to come.
I'm grateful that even in a world that is constantly changing there are certain things that stay the same. I'm grateful for consistencies, even if it is just in my response to change. And I'm very grateful to know that I have the power to change my response or any other aspect of myself that I want, whenever I want. But I'm grateful to accept myself as I am.
What is something that stays the same for you? What is one predictable response you experience?
May today be accepted just the way it is and may we give ourselves the same grace. May we embrace our quirks and know we are perfect however we choose to express it. Have a beautiful day!