Reflections

Last night as I lay down I felt a sadness settling in around me. I couldn't help wondering if I was receiving everything I needed in my current relationships. I'm grateful to step back from this sadness and return to my truth that everything starts within me. I'm grateful to open up and share this process with you because, while it may not be your own process, perhaps it will help you in some way. Focusing on what I feel is missing never helps me feel better, only worse so I knew I needed to change my direction of thinking. I made a list of what I wanted in my relationships. I wrote the aspects, responses, and character of the people I want to be surrounding myself. I'm grateful for this list. I'm grateful to know how I want to be treated and the level of love and compassion that I want the people around me to display. Then I got brutally honest. I'm grateful to know that each of these aspects is already in my life in the relationships I have with friends, family, and my boyfriend. I'm grateful to know that I can make this list because I experience these aspects each day in my current relationships. I'm grateful to know that when one person is struggling to exhibit one of these traits on a particular day, I have a network of other relationships to step in and I'm grateful to know each of their strengths in these aspects. So if I am receiving all these characteristics then where is this sadness coming from. Perhaps you already guessed from the title of this blog today. I went through the list and started circling which aspects I felt I had been displaying for the ones I care about lately; all but two. Those two were patience in understanding other people's struggles and allowing themselves to receive love and comfort in times of struggle. They were showing up in a subtle way but it was enough to cause a ripple in the water; enough to slightly distort the reflection; enough for me to feel a discord within. I'm grateful to take the time to see where my own reflection causes the ripple. I'm grateful to not blame the ones around me for sadness that I feel. Does it always turn out this way, no. Sometimes there are aspects on this list that I feel one particular person in my "framily" is not displaying and if it is an aspect that is missing frequently then it is a matter to discuss with them. Within the list last night I noticed one of those and I'm sure a beautiful, loving talk will result from that realization. But I'm grateful to take a look at myself in that list before I go to them. I'm grateful that everything outside, starts within me. I'm grateful to see this reflective nature of my world so I can better understand and better love those around me as well as myself. I'm grateful to be open and share one of my processes with you all. I'm grateful to be human, to have fallacies and to accept my own perfection in this moment even as I  work on the aspects I want to change. What is your process when something feels sad or lacking in your life? How do you sort through it and return to gratitude? May today provide a beautiful reflection to you all. Namasté