I sneak downstairs feeling like a rebel to have some me time before everyone wakes. I have been feeling like a rebel a lot these days. I checked out a grown up book from the library for the first time since Lydia was born and have been reading bits here and there when she is down for a nap or in between clients.
A couple days ago I took a long bath during her morning nap. I just relaxed in the warm water and read my book. I didn't clean or do laundry. I just took the time for me without having planned it out that way. I just did it. And the funniest thing is that as I am feeling like a rebel and doing these things of my own accord the pre-mom me is laughing inside my head that THIS is even a thing.
When I was a child I had a dream one night that I was being rebellious. It was my job to make up the coffee pot for my parents and in the orneriness of my dream I messed with them by putting two scoops of coffee into the machine. Upon waking I had a good laugh because that is exactly how many scoops I was supposed to put in; even my cream act of rebellion had been what I was supposed to do.
The same feels true now. Taking care of myself is what I am supposed to do. I even set it as a specific goal every few months when I feel like I am forgetting. Yet when I do these small things for myself it feels like I am a rebel and that gives me a good laugh.
I'm grateful to be a rebel. I'm grateful to allow myself to feel like a rebel even as I do what I am supposed to do. I'm grateful for a new book to read. I'm grateful for long baths. I'm grateful for these quiet moments of waking, fairly rested, on my own accord. And I'm grateful for taking me time when it is needed so that I can be the type of mom I want to be when my family demands it.
How are you a rebel? How are you not? What is your favorite thing to do of your own accord?
May today allow us to feel in charge of our lives. May we consciously do things that help lift us up. Have a beautiful day!