This weekend is also Mother's Day. Being a mom has been a dream come true for me. When I was a child and people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, my answer was always "a mom". To this day my mom is my greatest hero and I look up to her and reach out to her for advice more than anyone else in the world.
But even as a dream come true it has not been easy. I lost my first baby in 2006. I never met her or got to hold her and it was a pain that has thankfully dulled with the ability to hold my babies today. When my oldest daughter was born my image of patience and overwhelming gratitude to finally have a child did not hold up to the postpartum and sleep deprivation as well as I imagined. It took us a while to find our groove and even today there are things I strive to improve.
My oldest will turn four in August. She is precocious, sensitive, and all-in no matter what she does. She knows every button to push and every sensitivity I hold and she tests them repeatedly. She also is first to run and give me a hug when I come home or cry when I have to leave. She is funny and smart and so very loving. She is my mini-me in more ways that I like to admit and I love her more than words could say.
My youngest will turn one in July. She is fairly laid back, entertains herself easily, and is almost always up for a cuddle. She is as content playing with a cup on the floor as she is being carted around on my hip for chores. Playing ball, being sung to, or "chasing" after her sister light her face with a joy that is palpable. She is such a sweetheart and I love watching her personality grow as finds more ways to express herself.
I do not know if our family is complete or if we will stick with the plan of having one more. Our family is perfect as it is and yet part of me wants to have the experience one more time. Part of me wants to see one more unique little being growing and changing and feel my heart expand that much more to encompass another member. Time will tell.
I am not a perfect mother. My mom says the same about herself. I hope someday at least one of my girls has a similar relationship with me as I have with my mom. No matter what I will always be there for them just like my mom is always there for me.
As a bonus, when I married I got another great mom. You hear stories and jokes about mother-in-laws but I have been lucky. She is so supportive and loving. She is another confidante and keeps motherhood "real" by making sure I know, even when I'm not perfect, I'm doing a good job. It is a beautiful gift.
I'm grateful to have such wonderful moms to look up to and ask advice. I'm grateful for all their love and support. I'm grateful my mama is my best friend. I'm grateful to get to be the mom of two beautiful, amazing little girls. I'm grateful to have been blessed with girls even when I thought I had wanted boys. I'm grateful to admit I was wrong and girls are awesome. I'm grateful for the adventures of motherhood, how it has strengthened me and softened me. I'm grateful to continue to work each day to be the best mom I can be while still knowing I will always be human.
What is the best gift your mother ever gave you? What advice did she pass on? What lessons will you (or would you) pass on to your kids?
May today remind us where we came from. May we find motherly love to fill our hearts. Have a beautiful day!