Today is one of those days of raw honesty. Last night I broke down because while I have been saying my gratitude, I had not been feeling it the last few days. I have not done the best job of caring for myself and making sure my needs are met, primarily in the sleep department. As I spoke to my boyfriend about it last night he commented that gratitude was an action not a feeling. It clicked. In fact the only way gratitude really works is if it is a feeling AND an action. If you are saying you are grateful but not FEELING it then it does not change much at all. I have run into this with my coaching clients before. If you say "I'm grateful to be loved" but you don't really feel loved or you don't really feel the gratitude then they are just empty words. Sometimes it seems we numb ourselves to truly FEELING this world and our experiences within it. Perhaps that is from past hurts or fears of being vulnerable but in shutting ourselves off from these pains we also shut ourselves off from the beauty and joy this world can offer. I made a big change a couple weeks ago and moved into my boyfriend's home. We were out of town all last week so this is our first real week of making the adjustments of living together and merging two homes worth of "stuff". There has been stress and misunderstanding. There has been miscommunications and even tears. And as I cried last night and voiced some of my fears the one that I FELT the most was, I'm still DOING the same thing and thinking of all I am grateful for so why is it not working now? How do I tell people that gratitude is transformational if I feel it has let me down? But the truth is we all have moments of fear. The truth is gratitude was not letting me down. The truth is I needed to remember to FEEL my gratitude, genuinely and honestly not just what looks good on paper. So today, scrap the gratitudes you don't really feel or believe. Scrap the idea that you have to say you are grateful for things that maybe in this moment you are not grateful for. Scrap any judgements you hold against yourself for the moments you don't feel grateful for your body or your children or the partner you love. Sometimes things are "off" and that's OK! But in those moments, pretending to be grateful will not serve you or anyone else. So what are you TRULY grateful for in this moment? What gratitude do you FEEL? And while you're at it, what things about yourself (no matter how "imperfect") are you so grateful for today? I am grateful for my ability to cry. I'm grateful for my courage to be vulnerable with you all and admit that I am fallible. I'm grateful to be human in a sometimes messy world. I'm grateful for the voice and music of Karl Anthony and the song In My Awakening in particular as I reconnect with Spirit today. I'm grateful for a boyfriend that asks me what is up when he knows I'm in a funk and doesn't just blow it off or let me "deal with it" on my own. I'm grateful for his patience. I'm grateful for all the people in my life that are rooting for me. I'm grateful for all those moments that my words get thrown back at me to remind me to recenter and focus on my own gratitude and worth. I'm grateful for all the clients that come to me despite my honesty about my own imperfectly perfect nature. I'm grateful that these human qualities make me a BETTER coach because I truly understand and FEEL what they are going through. So today, do a scan. What gratitude truly resonates in your heart? May your day be blessed with the vibration of gratitude echoing through your mind AND your heart. May you know you are loved and may you feel all the blessings in your life. Namasté my beautiful community.
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