There was a moment yesterday when I found myself thinking "okay, I've got my battle plan." I was crossing stuff off the list and pushing emails through with a clear picture of what I needed done today. But when that thought crossed my mind it gave me pause. Do I need a "battle plan"? 

I will admit the last couple months of frustrations with the city and former employer and all of that has kind of put me in what feels like a war. It isn't a war of physical fighting, just a war to fight to get back to the surface and back to work. What if this thought, this energy is exactly why it is a struggle? 

What if I changed it around the same way I try to model and encourage for my girls? What if this isn't a struggle but an adventure? What if I don't need a battle plan but rather an adventure plan? The energy of that feels so much better to me.

So I move forward today with an adventure plan! It is also freeing other areas I didn't realize I was limiting myself. I feel bolder, braver because I am moving in a positive direction. 

I'm grateful when I am able to identify limiting beliefs. I'm grateful to notice a phrase that isn't sitting well and change it. I'm grateful to find a better phrase. I'm grateful to remind myself that I am an explorer of this life adventure. I'm grateful to keep exploring this trail with sure steps and even excitement. I'm grateful to know the path is worth the effort.

What phrases do you prefer? What imagery is helpful to you and which does not feel helpful? Are there any phrases that may be holding you back?

May today remind us of our power to create our story. May we choose the a path consciously and with excitement. Have a beautiful day!

Sometimes I forget just how easy it is to travel without a care. Luckily I have a four year old to help remind me. In a few hours time we managed to visit a bear cave, have a snowball fight indoors, and go camping with about twelve animals ranging from hedgehog to unicorn. 

I have wrote in the past about the studies that show planning a trip can elevate your mood. In the studies it was found that while planning a trip increases happiness, sometimes actually taking the trip decreased that same happiness due to stress and logistics. It is sometimes more fun to plan the perfect vacation that actually take it.

This study suits me well as I do absolutely love planning trips. I enjoy researching what the best off-the-beaten-path activities are and imagining how fun it would be. Yet it is also true that I do tend to stress and overpack in the days or hours before the actual trip. It is always still well worth the getaway but skipping the stressing part is definitely a fine goal for me. 

My four year old has the solution. Even if we are camping on the moon and we forget something, we just grab it. It is like we never forgot it at all. Plus when I camp with her the s'mores are always perfect looking and I never end up sticky. It is no problem to climb a mountain and cuddle in with some hibernating bears. And if something better comes along, you just change the scenery of your mind. 

I'm grateful for a day of play. I'm grateful for our fun snowball fight that didn't even require a jacket. I'm grateful to get to go camping and even get to hold the special lantern. I'm grateful for the delicious s'mores that left no mess. I'm grateful to watch my daughter's mind at work as she spins the story for me and navigates me to which role I am supposed to play. I'm grateful to get to be the "kid" and let her handle all the cooking and camp set up. I'm especially grateful for sweet laughs and hugs shared. 

Where would you go if you were planning a trip in real life? Where would you go if just in your imagination? What wild activities would you dare to do in your fantasies? Which of those things would you be willing to push your comfort zone and try in real life?

May today open up our possibilities if even just in our imaginations. May we remember how important the mind is in creating our life and world. Have a beautiful day!

I will admit I am finding some humor right now in writing a blog about finding peace as I am working through some seething anger. Yet this is exactly why I have chosen to write about it. 

Yesterday I watched the news as they recounted the Capitol building being breached. I listened to the people in the crowd call for something to be done, that something had been stolen from them, for violence. It was like watching another level of my confidence in humanity being peeled back. And as I felt the feelings of sadness, anxiety, and shock wash over me I felt something else creeping in too, anger. 

Outwardly I balked that this "small" group of people had lost their minds. I tried to convince myself that they are the rare few extremists. Yet over the last few years I can no longer feel confident in that ideal. I have witnessed the blatant racism and acts of violence. I have seen the swarms of people turn out to cause damage and chaos. It is not one side or the other because the violence has come from all around. We are in a war even without giving it the name. 

Why are people so angry? I could list a hundred reasons from at least three or four viewpoints. But only one matters. The only anger that matters is my own. If we dealt with what was causing our individual anger then we would have made great leaps to ending the violence and starting a productive step toward solutions. Anger is a great call to action. But it DOES NOT need to be a call to violence. It needs to be a call to look within.

Anger is often the result of fear or a feeling of lack of respect (a lack of being heard). Perhaps even in saying that I am repeating myself because isn't the feeling of lack of respect the fear of not being respected, not being equal, not being acknowledged? 

When I felt my anger creeping in yesterday I can't say I was surprised. I am not knew to this sadness moving to anger or fear moving to anger transition. I do not like to feel afraid. I do not like to question my beliefs, especially one so core as people being mostly good. (Though I do realize the duality the word "good" creates") I do not like to hear about someone being harmed, bullied, or killed by another person. 

Yet anger is not what solves the problem. Anger is just to get our OWN attention. It is then our job to look at that anger and make an action plan. This action plan is not one of violence, not of insults, not of retaliation. It is a plan to decipher what we need to feel at peace and what channels to go about making these changes happen legitimately and to bring understanding. 

We will not get World peace by pointing the finger. We will not get World peace by judging, accusing, and belittling. Peace comes in understanding. Peace comes in compassion. Peace comes in love. 

If you do only one thing this year, let it be seeking to understand your own triggers. Take the time to look at your anger and see what the root cause is and then start open talks about it. Be willing to hear the whole conversation. Be willing to readdress any anger that keeps popping up. Be willing to be the change. We only change the world by starting with ourselves.

I'm grateful to witness my anger. I'm grateful to see how one trigger can make other much lesser triggers more exposed. I'm grateful to know the things that feel like they are seething today are really the root of something much deeper that was triggered yesterday, and the last several years. I'm grateful to take time to breathe. I'm grateful to take time over and over again today to sit with these feelings and dig into the full scope of its roots. I'm grateful to know that we all have the choice to be kind and loving. I'm grateful to believe people want change and are willing to do so with their voices if they are given the opportunity. I'm grateful to ground and reground today so I can continue to make my own choices based in love. 

What makes you angry? What fears does it bring up? How do you respond when a core belief is shaken? How do you respond when you are not in control of something? How can you dig into the root of your feelings this year? How can you offer space to hear someone else?

May today remind us change starts within. May we find ways to give ourself a green light to flush old fears that are no longer our truth. May we heal old wounds so we can continue moving forward in love. May this year bring positive change and a chance for all voices to be heard without violence. Have a beautiful day! 

Everyone I have talked to have high hopes for 2021. Mostly everyone is looking forward to a "return to normal", meaning the pandemic ending and the return of gatherings while tossing the face masks.  I am definitely looking forward to these things as well.

Even as I celebrate this new year I am a bit skeptical that this year will be able to completely transform back to normal. I think we have a while before this will truly be over and I don't think things will ever fully return to the normal it was before the pandemic. Most of our work protocols for one will still remain in place because they have been effective at keeping clients and staff healthy, even if it is from the common cold or flu. 

When a new year rolls around many of us tend to set lofty goals. For some people that is working out every day. When I asked my preschooler she said "to go scuba diving at this place (pointing to some beautiful, exotic island featured in a magazine)." I have to admit this is now definitely on my bucket list as well but explained that she would have to wait more couple years before she could earn her diving certification. 

Yesterday the communication in our household was off. The kids are getting a little stir crazy being out of a routine for the last week and a half. My husband and I didn't seem to be on the same wave length. And things were being interpreted through our own fears and sensitivities rather than just heard. It happens. We are human. 

At one point I had a feeling of disappointment that on the second day of the new year we were in such friction. Then I had to laugh at myself a little. Why do I hold a random date on the calendar so highly? Do I really expect an entire year to be somehow void of bumps? Until I am no longer human I cannot expect the year to be anything but ...human. It will be an imperfectly perfect year just as I am imperfectly perfect. The bumps will help me grow and learn. The challenges will help my husband and I learn how to grow as a team. And the year, no matter what goes on externally, with the pandemic or anything else, can still be a year of beauty and gratitude.

I'm grateful to kick off the year human. I'm grateful to remember to knock down the pedestals and enjoy the real beauty. I'm grateful my husband and I were able to turn around our communication as always. I'm grateful to remove the filters of past wounds and use my ears and heart to hear. I'm grateful to create a goals list with my whole family's input. I'm grateful for goals that feel very achievable. I'm grateful to set monthly goals that build rather than one large yearly goal. I'm grateful to start with a goal of just five minutes for me. I'm grateful for the time I have had off with my family. I'm grateful for the beauty of my family (myself included!) sleeping in passed seven almost every day this last week! I'm grateful for the return of a schedule and work tomorrow.  I'm grateful to tell my daughter she gets to do (home)school tomorrow which she has been missing so much on our little break. I'm grateful for this special time with her and to get to be her teacher this year. I'm grateful for the year ahead and all the love and joy (and even the bumps) it will bring.

What goals have you set for the year? What expectations are you holding for 2021? Are they achievable? What beauty will you hold on to this year? 

May we remember that a new year is still a human year. May we seek to make it beautiful through gratitude rather than perfection. Have a beautiful day!

As humans we tend to really like labels. Some people have worked hard to rise above this need but for most of us labels are comforting. It isn't just the labels we give ourselves or others like mom, dad, sister, friend, therapist, engineer, etc; it is in how we process even the most personal things like emotions.

I have been up since 3:20, well before the sun was even thinking about rising. Immediately labels come to mind, right? But what if I choose to not give myself the common labels for how I am feeling and instead just lean into feeling it for exactly what it is. It is kind of peaceful. It is kind of disconnected and foggy. It just IS; its me in this moment. I don't need to hold on to the labels with their negative connotation. I can just simply be in this moment with the feeling.

One thing I love is numbers. Today I had the blessing of looking at the clock at 12:34. Most of you are probably thinking, "and....". Some of you may be thinking, "wow, she really is tired or else she's just lost it completely." I assure you even rested I am a dork about numbers. Anyway, 1...2...3...4... makes me just want to say "five!" Normally I would find some symbolism and meaning in this divine timing. I would see the positive message in that meaning and find comfort and joy in it. But what if I didn't. Today I just stared. I just accepted the number for the beauty it was in itself and enjoyed the moment. 

What if we could give that same gift to others? What if this holiday we gifted every person we met with letting go of labeling them? What would this gift allow us to see about them that we may otherwise miss? What could this gift allow us to feel? What would it feel like to receive this gift? 

I'm grateful to find some connection and love in the labels I give myself. I'm grateful to open myself to the idea of letting them all go and just allowing what gifts that may bring. I'm grateful for a new perspective today as I move through my day observing rather than labeling and boxing. I'm grateful to accept my quirks and love myself as I am. I'm grateful to see the beauty that could come from gifting others the blessing of no label. I'm grateful for the circumstances that helped my mind reach this place of witnessing and questioning.

What labels do you hold dear? What labels do you want to let go? What if we all let the labels go?

​May today remind us that no matter what we call it, we are all one. May we see each other from the heart not from the mind's labels. Have a beautiful day!

Well as I work through the third day of things just being "off" (see my previous two blogs) I can't help but think I must be in retrograde or something. For those who don't know what this is, I don't really either...but I'll explain as best I know. Retrograde is when the planets align in a certain way and then everything goes "wrong". Yeah... you would probably be better off googling it.

Anyway, based on my understanding and the amount of things that are just going sideways I using my excellent skills of deduction to call this a retrograde. My first clue should have been Sunday when (as pictured above) the rainbow appeared to have fallen off the "bow". Okay, I'm just kidding about that one. 

Today started off with everyone waking very early, me needing to change the crib sheets twice in less than an hour, and making cheesy scrambled eggs for my preschooler who was begging for them...only to finish and be told she wasn't hungry and hadn't really wanted them. 

On the bright side, breakfast is ready for tomorrow and both kids are napping well after being up so early. Off in the shadows is a very tired mama who wants a nap but still has work to do. I was lucky enough to make it to storytime at the library today and even get snippets of adult conversation with a grandma that was there. Tiny bits of adult conversation can really make my day!

I don't have any grand themes for this blog today, mostly because my brain is a little foggy. So for today I am putting the retro in retrograde and finding some "old school" gratitude.

I'm grateful for cheesy eggs but also for cheesy dance moves. I'm grateful for the Sprinkler in particular. I'm grateful that flower bellbottoms are not in style right now. I'm grateful for disco lights but even more grateful for simple crystals that cast rainbows on the wall. I'm grateful to find gratitude in random things based loosely off a word that I'm not even sure I understand. I'm grateful my brain doesn't care about these "particulars" right now. I'm grateful my kids are sleeping...this should always be in style. I'm grateful just to be grateful and I'm grateful for those of you who have stuck it out with today's blog and are still reading.

What are your random thoughts today? What is your favorite retro clothing or activity? What does retrograde really mean? 

May today at least bring some dance moves with the funk. May we take time to celebrate the random. Have a beautiful day!

September 11th holds a special kind of scar. Most of us can remember exactly where we were that day and the flood of emotions that unfolded with the news. 

I was a couple weeks into my first year of college. It was my first time really away from my parents aside from little week long vacations. I woke up and walked to my first class oblivious to what was happening. My college professor greeted us with hysterics and told us to all go home and hunker down, enjoy some bread and treats because the country was going to war and those items wouldn't be available. She told us life as we knew it was going to change and we would have to grow up fast. My roommate and I spent the rest of the day in our dorm room watching the tv and making calls to our parents. 

I did not have a direct loss, no family or friends in the towers. I did not know anyone on the planes. Yet it is the type of tragedy that marks everyone. 

Two years later on that day I watched my boyfriend get his pin for Army Airborne after enlisting in response to the towers falling. Pride mixed with fear knowing he faced deployment.

And seven years after that, September 10th,  I walked out of a courtroom dazed and lost as a judge finalized our divorce. It seemed like the date itself had some kind of curse.

Six years later I couldn't help but be a little nervous when I was told my rainbow baby's due date was September 10th. Was this going to be the breaking of the cycle or would I lose this most precious gift to the date that only seemed capable of heartache? 

My rainbow baby arrived that year, two weeks early. It was the most beautiful blessing I could have asked for. Now I hold my second sweet daughter as I reflect on all this date has meant. In my personal story the losses of this date were what ultimately gave me the beautiful gift of the children I hold today. For me it is a story with a bright side. But not everyone has this same blessing. For some this date marks the loss of their child, spouse, sibling, parent, friend. I pray that each of the people left behind has found some joy, some peace, and some way to move forward. 

I'm grateful to have a bright side in my own story. I'm grateful for my roommate that day. I'm grateful for the ability to call home. I'm grateful for the miracle of those who survived. I'm grateful to get to see as the media tracks the 9/11 babies, now the age I was when this tragic event took place. I'm grateful to see how young eighteen really was and to have a few more years of wisdom today. I'm grateful for my first husband's bravery in answering the call to duty. I'm grateful for all I learned during those years together and I'm grateful for all I have learned about myself and relationships since then. 

Where were you that day? What narrative have you created around that day in your personal story? How do we grow love and respect into our children and the world so we never have to bear witness to a tragedy like this again?

May today's reflection move us forward toward love. May the memories help us grow. May we work together to make this world a more loving place for our children. Have a beautiful day!

I've never really been a frivolous spender, in fact, I am pretty conservative. I am the person who visits the sofa I want at the store for over a year because I just can't seem to bring myself to make the purchase when the one I have has not completely fallen apart. If I am going to "blow money" it is going to be on a vacation and not on souvenirs, simply going somewhere.

I budget and plan. I cut coupons and use apps that help me save more or give me rewards. I use my money well and I don't lack for the things I need. 

I was reading online this morning and an article caught my eye. It was a reminder that everything I say yes to I am simultaneously saying no to something else. We only have so much time and energy to share. If I commit to having dinner with a friend, I am also saying no to having dinner with my family. If I say yes to being a teacher's helper, I am saying no to using those hours and energy elsewhere. 

The article was a reminder about making conscious choices. It was a reminder to not say yes "to be nice" or because you "feel guilty" but rather because that something is what you really want to be doing. It said to only say yes if that opportunity is fulfilling something, be that a goal or heart. 

For as precise as I am with physical money I tend to toss my energetic money to anyone who asks. Often this results in a hectic schedule and feeling the stress of too many demands. It leaves me depleted and overwhelmed but I have no one to blame but myself. It is time to start budgeting my energetic money!

I'm grateful for this article. I'm grateful to open my eyes to my spending habits. I'm grateful to have practice with good spending habits with physical money to help be my guide for my energy. I'm grateful to remind myself I can say no. I'm grateful to take an honest look at how much time commitment I give certain things and see areas I can save. I'm grateful for a new goal.

Where do you choose to spend your time and energy? Where are those choices taking you?

May we take the time to make conscious commitments. May we know our power in saying yes or saying no. Have a beautiful day!

Today was an emotional rollercoaster but, as my daughter would say, "in the grand scheme of things" it was a good day. From clearing the pool at my baby's first swim lessons from a poop explosion to pride in my preschooler for facing a fear, to the comfort of returning home from work to big snuggles the day covered just about every emotion.

What I couldn't help but observe though was the drama that came with the emotion. If I'm being honest I will admit to a certain flair and propensity for drama. It is part of what makes me a good storyteller, a trait passed down to me. And yet what makes for good storytelling also makes for compounded emotions when just living and narrating everyday life. Not every situation needs told and not every moment is climactic. In fact, most moments are very anti-climactic and being the narrator of my own story gives me the power to choose which moments get a notation.

In sharing my pool experience to a friend her response was "did you laugh?" I was too mortified to laugh. I was nearly in tears from the embarrassment. But as we talked I realized that giving that situation so much of my emotional attention was really more draining than necessary. It was embarrassing but no need to dwell on it. Drop the drama and it quickly faded to a side note.

There isn't anything "wrong" with either response. It's just a matter of what I want to spend my energy and attention on. That moment is one I think I'll leave behind.

I'm grateful to hear my daughter's voice as I remind myself to look at the grand scheme of things. I'm grateful for my storytelling ability.I'm grateful to recognize a choice. I'm grateful for the reminder from a friend to just laugh. I'm grateful to remind myself to focus on the energy I put in because that is the energy that will come back to me. I'm grateful to ditch some drama and also to acknowledge some drama is part of who I am. I'm grateful to practice accepting me even while attempting to grow.

What is your "grand scheme"? What are you giving energy to today?

May we make conscious choices and receive conscious rewards.May we strive to raise our vibration to bring the things we desire without drama. Have a beautiful day!