Well as I work through the third day of things just being "off" (see my previous two blogs) I can't help but think I must be in retrograde or something. For those who don't know what this is, I don't really either...but I'll explain as best I know. Retrograde is when the planets align in a certain way and then everything goes "wrong". Yeah... you would probably be better off googling it.

Anyway, based on my understanding and the amount of things that are just going sideways I using my excellent skills of deduction to call this a retrograde. My first clue should have been Sunday when (as pictured above) the rainbow appeared to have fallen off the "bow". Okay, I'm just kidding about that one. 

Today started off with everyone waking very early, me needing to change the crib sheets twice in less than an hour, and making cheesy scrambled eggs for my preschooler who was begging for them...only to finish and be told she wasn't hungry and hadn't really wanted them. 

On the bright side, breakfast is ready for tomorrow and both kids are napping well after being up so early. Off in the shadows is a very tired mama who wants a nap but still has work to do. I was lucky enough to make it to storytime at the library today and even get snippets of adult conversation with a grandma that was there. Tiny bits of adult conversation can really make my day!

I don't have any grand themes for this blog today, mostly because my brain is a little foggy. So for today I am putting the retro in retrograde and finding some "old school" gratitude.

I'm grateful for cheesy eggs but also for cheesy dance moves. I'm grateful for the Sprinkler in particular. I'm grateful that flower bellbottoms are not in style right now. I'm grateful for disco lights but even more grateful for simple crystals that cast rainbows on the wall. I'm grateful to find gratitude in random things based loosely off a word that I'm not even sure I understand. I'm grateful my brain doesn't care about these "particulars" right now. I'm grateful my kids are sleeping...this should always be in style. I'm grateful just to be grateful and I'm grateful for those of you who have stuck it out with today's blog and are still reading.

What are your random thoughts today? What is your favorite retro clothing or activity? What does retrograde really mean? 

May today at least bring some dance moves with the funk. May we take time to celebrate the random. Have a beautiful day!

September 11th holds a special kind of scar. Most of us can remember exactly where we were that day and the flood of emotions that unfolded with the news. 

I was a couple weeks into my first year of college. It was my first time really away from my parents aside from little week long vacations. I woke up and walked to my first class oblivious to what was happening. My college professor greeted us with hysterics and told us to all go home and hunker down, enjoy some bread and treats because the country was going to war and those items wouldn't be available. She told us life as we knew it was going to change and we would have to grow up fast. My roommate and I spent the rest of the day in our dorm room watching the tv and making calls to our parents. 

I did not have a direct loss, no family or friends in the towers. I did not know anyone on the planes. Yet it is the type of tragedy that marks everyone. 

Two years later on that day I watched my boyfriend get his pin for Army Airborne after enlisting in response to the towers falling. Pride mixed with fear knowing he faced deployment.

And seven years after that, September 10th,  I walked out of a courtroom dazed and lost as a judge finalized our divorce. It seemed like the date itself had some kind of curse.

Six years later I couldn't help but be a little nervous when I was told my rainbow baby's due date was September 10th. Was this going to be the breaking of the cycle or would I lose this most precious gift to the date that only seemed capable of heartache? 

My rainbow baby arrived that year, two weeks early. It was the most beautiful blessing I could have asked for. Now I hold my second sweet daughter as I reflect on all this date has meant. In my personal story the losses of this date were what ultimately gave me the beautiful gift of the children I hold today. For me it is a story with a bright side. But not everyone has this same blessing. For some this date marks the loss of their child, spouse, sibling, parent, friend. I pray that each of the people left behind has found some joy, some peace, and some way to move forward. 

I'm grateful to have a bright side in my own story. I'm grateful for my roommate that day. I'm grateful for the ability to call home. I'm grateful for the miracle of those who survived. I'm grateful to get to see as the media tracks the 9/11 babies, now the age I was when this tragic event took place. I'm grateful to see how young eighteen really was and to have a few more years of wisdom today. I'm grateful for my first husband's bravery in answering the call to duty. I'm grateful for all I learned during those years together and I'm grateful for all I have learned about myself and relationships since then. 

Where were you that day? What narrative have you created around that day in your personal story? How do we grow love and respect into our children and the world so we never have to bear witness to a tragedy like this again?

May today's reflection move us forward toward love. May the memories help us grow. May we work together to make this world a more loving place for our children. Have a beautiful day!

I've never really been a frivolous spender, in fact, I am pretty conservative. I am the person who visits the sofa I want at the store for over a year because I just can't seem to bring myself to make the purchase when the one I have has not completely fallen apart. If I am going to "blow money" it is going to be on a vacation and not on souvenirs, simply going somewhere.

I budget and plan. I cut coupons and use apps that help me save more or give me rewards. I use my money well and I don't lack for the things I need. 

I was reading online this morning and an article caught my eye. It was a reminder that everything I say yes to I am simultaneously saying no to something else. We only have so much time and energy to share. If I commit to having dinner with a friend, I am also saying no to having dinner with my family. If I say yes to being a teacher's helper, I am saying no to using those hours and energy elsewhere. 

The article was a reminder about making conscious choices. It was a reminder to not say yes "to be nice" or because you "feel guilty" but rather because that something is what you really want to be doing. It said to only say yes if that opportunity is fulfilling something, be that a goal or heart. 

For as precise as I am with physical money I tend to toss my energetic money to anyone who asks. Often this results in a hectic schedule and feeling the stress of too many demands. It leaves me depleted and overwhelmed but I have no one to blame but myself. It is time to start budgeting my energetic money!

I'm grateful for this article. I'm grateful to open my eyes to my spending habits. I'm grateful to have practice with good spending habits with physical money to help be my guide for my energy. I'm grateful to remind myself I can say no. I'm grateful to take an honest look at how much time commitment I give certain things and see areas I can save. I'm grateful for a new goal.

Where do you choose to spend your time and energy? Where are those choices taking you?

May we take the time to make conscious commitments. May we know our power in saying yes or saying no. Have a beautiful day!

Today was an emotional rollercoaster but, as my daughter would say, "in the grand scheme of things" it was a good day. From clearing the pool at my baby's first swim lessons from a poop explosion to pride in my preschooler for facing a fear, to the comfort of returning home from work to big snuggles the day covered just about every emotion.

What I couldn't help but observe though was the drama that came with the emotion. If I'm being honest I will admit to a certain flair and propensity for drama. It is part of what makes me a good storyteller, a trait passed down to me. And yet what makes for good storytelling also makes for compounded emotions when just living and narrating everyday life. Not every situation needs told and not every moment is climactic. In fact, most moments are very anti-climactic and being the narrator of my own story gives me the power to choose which moments get a notation.

In sharing my pool experience to a friend her response was "did you laugh?" I was too mortified to laugh. I was nearly in tears from the embarrassment. But as we talked I realized that giving that situation so much of my emotional attention was really more draining than necessary. It was embarrassing but no need to dwell on it. Drop the drama and it quickly faded to a side note.

There isn't anything "wrong" with either response. It's just a matter of what I want to spend my energy and attention on. That moment is one I think I'll leave behind.

I'm grateful to hear my daughter's voice as I remind myself to look at the grand scheme of things. I'm grateful for my storytelling ability.I'm grateful to recognize a choice. I'm grateful for the reminder from a friend to just laugh. I'm grateful to remind myself to focus on the energy I put in because that is the energy that will come back to me. I'm grateful to ditch some drama and also to acknowledge some drama is part of who I am. I'm grateful to practice accepting me even while attempting to grow.

What is your "grand scheme"? What are you giving energy to today?

May we make conscious choices and receive conscious rewards.May we strive to raise our vibration to bring the things we desire without drama. Have a beautiful day!

It is the fourth of July; a time where we celebrate our country's independence. Today my mind is circling back to the founding fathers, as we call them. As I try to imagine what life back them would have been like I have to ask myself if I would have had the courage and creativity to envision a completely different life for me and my countrymen. 

To bring change it takes people who are ok being different. It takes people who can think outside the box. It takes people who can not only dream bigger but have the courage to take the steps to make that come true. And it takes the strength and resilience to be an independent thinker even when some can't see it or resist change.

I try to remember this as I interact with my daughter. She has a strength and independence that is both wonderful and, at times, frustrating as a parent. Yet I can see her potential to accomplish great things. The trick is making it through what I truly need her to do and still respecting and feeding her independent thinking. 

I'm grateful to see my daughter's strength. I'm grateful to imagine what awesome things she will do as she grows. I'm grateful to get little peeks into how her brain works as she tells me things well beyond what I thought a not-even-three year old could process. I'm grateful to remind myself her stubbornness and strong opinions will serve her so well as she grows. I'm grateful to do my best to nurture these traits. 

I'm grateful for all the independent thinkers that have come before. I'm grateful for their strength and courage to bring us some of the rights and privileges we have today. I'm grateful for our founding fathers but also the independent thinkers that came after to make us even better, like Martin Luther King Jr. I'm grateful for all the activists out there today fighting and envisioning true equality for all and honest respect for our differences. I'm grateful for the opportunities this country has for growth as a whole as we keep doing our best to move toward love.

Are you an independent thinker? What thoughts are you holding onto instead of sharing with the world? What positive difference can you make in the world today?

May today give us time to celebrate all we have and how far we have come. May we also take the time to envision the future we want for our country and for the future generations. Have a beautiful day!

I've written before about the idea of comparison being the "thief of joy". And I've read parenting book after parenting book that warns against making comparisons between siblings. Yet I still see it in round-about ways popping up.

All through this pregnancy I keep having people tell me "just remember your next child probably won't be as smart/ advanced/ social as your daughter." My usual response is to laugh and say, "yep, but maybe the next one will sleep!" The truth is these are still comparisons. And how do you compare smart or advanced anyway? Every person has different strengths. Why should that be different as children? 
 
Last night I went to a picnic with a group of friends we haven't seen but maybe once or twice since my daughter was born.  When my daughter entered this world I had hoped to become closer to one of them in particular and yet it was not a mutual wish. Comparison seems to separate us. We will be having a pleasant chat but the second the kids come up the conversation shuts down. 

I don't think I am a braggy mom. If fact, I feel I vent my frustrations to mom friends more than triumphs. But in relaying conversations that I have with my daughter I must admit that her language skills and reasoning is beyond what I thought a child under three was capable. 

I have had many friends comment about this as well. Or comment on how their child's language is not as advanced. Meanwhile their child is fully potty trained, or off climbing the jungle gym by themselves, or interacting socially with kids their age while my daughter still stands to the side saying hi but not quite sure how to engage. They all have their strengths. None of these strengths are better or worse, they just are, and yet it gets in the adult mind. 

It is not just this one friend. I don't mean to single her out; it was just my most recent interaction where it was obvious. I catch myself doing it too, especially now as more and more of my daughter's friends become potty trained in a weekend. But these comparisons don't help any of us. They aren't healthy for us as parents or for our children. Even the warnings I get that my next child will be different, as if somehow I will be let down by number two's differences, plants harmful thoughts. 

I have a friend who speaks multiple languages. I have a friend who has a high income, high demand job that she navigates on top of being a mom. I have a mom that's zen level is unmatched and she seems to have infinite patience and grace when interacting with her kids. I even have a friend that seems to find the beauty in every situation and keep things positive which is always a goal of mine. We are all different. There isn't a better or worse because we are just all a completely different makeup. And our differences are what makes us good for each other and bring our own light to the world. 

I want to give this same grace and understanding to kids. They don't need our judgment or pushing. I hope that someday even these subtle warnings will not be necessary.

I'm grateful for my daughter and the things she does well. I'm grateful for the areas she struggles that allow me space to grow myself as I try to help her learn. I'm grateful for all my mom friends that allow me to talk about my daughter and share their own stories as well so we can celebrate and brainstorm together. I'm grateful to know that the moms I cannot seem to connect with have mom friends of their own as they navigate their own journey. I'm grateful for each child and the special set or strengths and light they bring to this world. I'm grateful to be excited to see what traits my newest addition will hold and how she will help me grow in motherhood. 

When do you find comparisons sneaking into your thoughts? How do you reframe those thoughts and quiet the external chatter? 

May today remind us that our differences are our strengths. May we find better ways as a society to honor those differences and leave comparison behind. Have a beautiful day!

As the countdown to baby begins so does the push to find names. My husband and I believe in narrowing the list to just a few and then choosing the one that fits once we see our child. It worked well for our first daughter but the list of names keeps changing during this pregnancy. 

Some people use names that are passed down or in some way honor a family member. Other people choose names that are exotic of have a unique spelling. There are websites full of thousands of names to help everyone find what they are looking for.  

Luckily for my husband and I we don't agree on a lot of names. We each nix quite a few which helps shorten the list dramatically. The addition of a second child also means steering clear of names that sound similar to our older daughter's name so that cuts a few more out. We toss out ideas and weed through the possibilities.

The trick is we won't really know her personality. We will only have the information of what she looks like at birth and how the the pregnancy and delivery go. Yet with my daughter we seemed to have chosen perfectly as she seems to be a beautiful combination of happy, strong, and ...well lets call it persistence. 

Again last night my husband and I edited out list. We have it narrowed back down to four names but now do not have a set middle name either which makes the combinations numerous. I trust that when I see her and hold her in my arms the name will be more obvious. I trust that each of the names we picked will give her space to grow as an individual. 

I'm grateful to have the list narrowed back down a little. I'm grateful my husband and I have such different taste in names that helps weed through the choices. I'm grateful for the ease of choosing my daughter's name once I saw her. I'm grateful for the hope it can be that easy again with baby number two. I'm grateful to know that if need be she may change it when she is older. I'm grateful to see how a name can help build an image but also how a person can rewrite the image of a name in their own way.

How important do you think a name is? If you have kids, how did you choose their names? Do you like your name?

May today remind us that nothing can hold us back from reaching our full potential without our consent. May we see the beauty in the name given to us. Have a beautiful day!

Do you remember the game where you try to balance the monkeys? You could hang them from each other or off a tree. If you hung too many on one side the tree tipped and dumped them all. 

I feel like this game is a good metaphor for parenting. How many monkeys can you balance? How many other aspects of life can you balance at the same time without tipping the tree? 

It is easy to see how the monkeys represent our children. One child can't sleep and gets up multiple times to come in the bedroom to ask you things or get you to lay with her. It wakes the mom, which in turn disturbs the baby that was resting quietly in her belly. The baby now moves in its own belly dance trying to get comfortable again. And the several trips in and out of the bedroom to escort the first child back to bed disturbs the dog who is now huffing loudly and grumbling about the disturbance. Meanwhile mom is now fully awake. 

Add in the regular daily activities of work, cleaning the house, running errands, carving out meaningful interactions with each child, and maybe, just maybe some downtime to recover from no sleep the night before and the monkeys in the tree seem to be adding up. So where is the balance? How do we juggle all the monkeys and find a place to hang them without toppling the tree? 

In theory it all begins with a good night's sleep and self-care. But as a parent we all know that itself can be a trick at different stages of this game. Early morning seems to be my best chance at getting some "me" time but when I have ben up all night it makes it a challenge. 

Somehow it helps me to think of it like a game. To picture the monkeys hanging on the tree gives me a playful visual at a time of much needed patience. And when all else fails at least I can always count on my breathing skills. In and out, in and out. 

I'm grateful to try to find some humor in being up all night. I'm grateful to know I will survive this stage, as all the parents who have come before me have survived. I'm grateful for the nights I do get to sleep. I'm grateful for a little "me" time. I'm grateful for the blessing of one sweet monkey who keeps me on my toes and another one on the way. I'm grateful to see the need for attention and meaningful connection is strong today and commit to scrapping our plans and staying home. I'm grateful for more fun activities for our weekly theme to give more opportunities for my daughter and I to do together. I'm grateful for the slim possibility of a nap in my afternoon before I head off to work. And I'm grateful to know that even on the days I cannot seem to balance the monkeys, there will always be tomorrow to try again. 

How do you balance all your monkeys? How do you handle it when the tree tips? Do you find routine or flexibility is your best aid for balancing?

​May today help each of us find balance. May we find humor in the game and know we can always try again. Have a beautiful day!

After a cold, snowy Winter and a long, wet Spring it was so nice to see the sun for a full day yesterday. My daughter and I took advantage of every moment between going to the pool, then the playground, only to return home for a picnic on the deck. It was just what we needed!

There is something healing about having the sun shining down on my shoulders. It renews me. It helps me sleep better at night and provides more energy during the day. The same seems to be true for my daughter.

It is the simple things that sometimes impact us the most. Many times we not even be fully aware or be able to put our finger on exactly the cause. And for me it has been easy to say that the weary and even blah feelings are from late pregnancy or from anemia. Yet yesterday proved there was another element at play. 

I'm grateful for the sun shining down. I'm grateful most of the week is supposed to grace us with sunshine. I'm grateful to feel like Summer has arrived. I'm grateful for the energy the sun provides both for me and for nature. I'm grateful to see my lilies opening. I'm grateful to watch my daughter play outside and get to go swimming with her. I'm grateful for the way everything seems to light up as Summer finally seems in swing. I'm grateful for picnic lunches and other outdoor activities to kick off the nice weather.

What is your favorite thing about Summertime? What is your favorite sunny day activity? 

​May today brighten our day and our spirits. May we find balance in the sun's return. Have a beautiful day!

I had to laugh last night. My daughter woke up just before three, crying. I went in to comfort her as usual. She asked me to lay with her and hold her hand and I did.

After about twenty minutes I told her I was very tired and needed to go back to my bed to sleep. This is our routine. Partly it is because I think it is important for her to fall asleep by herself, if possible, rather than awakening later to find I have slipped out. She whined a little but said goodnight.

Ten minutes later, just as I am about to drift off to sleep the bedroom door bangs open. In marches my little sweetheart dragging her huge pillow and her blankie. She pushes them up onto the bed and starts climbing up. "What are you doing?" I ask both amused and curious as she has never been allowed to sleep in our bed. 

"You are just tired, Mommy. I will hold your hand so you can fall asleep. I can hold Daddy's hand too. It's ok," Explained my sweet child as she climbed over me into the middle. I was both touched by the sentiment of her taking care of us and highly humored by the ability to serve her self-interest with such a sweet spin. 

We chatted for a minute and then I assured her I was not worried anymore and ready to go to sleep. Her daddy took her back to her bed and rested with her for a short while, holding her hand until she went back to sleep. 

I love the thought processing that goes on at this age. I love the funny things they do and say. And I love this amazing, ridiculous, sweet, and charming little girl. Acting out of thoughtful self-interest is not rare. I think many of us do it more than we realize.

When I offered to make french toast with homemade syrup last week it wasn't 100 percent for my daughter. It sounded good to me or I wouldn't have offered. Yesterday driving home from the playground we stopped for icecream. Yes, I knew she would love that but in all honesty I was the one hot and needing something refreshing. 

I'm grateful for the mid-night laugh. I'm grateful for my daughter's sweet personality. I'm grateful for her wonderful skill of thought processing. I'm grateful to hold my daughter's hand at night and be there when she needs comfort. I'm also grateful to have an amazing husband that will take a shift too so I can get back to sleep. I'm grateful to believe my family is a team and that we work best together. And I'm grateful for all the love we share, even in the middle of the night.

What is something you do out of self interest that is kind for others? What humor has come your way as you recognize some of the motives you or those around you use?

​May today provide laughter. May we recognize our reflection in others and give love where it is needed. Have a beautiful day!