What a great week! Yesterday was World Gratitude Day and today it is officially Autumn! I know 2020 has done a number on us all this year but at least we still have pumpkin spice.

I am loving the cooler mornings and the change in the scents in the air. I am excited to start seeing more oranges, yellows, and reds as the trees begin their Autumnal changes. I'm grateful to have planned a lot more outdoor activities for me and my girls so we can relish these moments before Winter.

While we didn't get to get out much today to celebrate we do have a trip to the park planned for tomorrow. I'm excited to get to see other humans as we go on a socially-distanced group bike ride. 

I'm grateful for this time of year. I'm grateful to look back at Summer and see the beauty it held even within some challenges. I'm grateful to be gaining confidence as we move through this school year at home. I'm grateful for the color orange that always makes me feel energized and happy. I'm grateful for the trees that are abundant in this area and how they will soon begin to change colors. I'm grateful for all the beauty this time of year. I'm grateful to watch the different migrations as the weather changes. I'm grateful for the season of pumpkin spice!

What are you grateful for today? How will you celebrate the change in seasons? What is your favorite thing about Autumn?

May today be a breath of fresh air. May we connect with the cycles of nature and find beauty all around us. May we welcome change with grace and awe. Have a beautiful day!

Today was a challenging day, mostly because I got less than three hours of sleep last night. Teething is a rough time for the whole family and, while we banded together pretty well today, it was clear we were all lacking sleep.

My husband and I powered through as parents do; making an extra effort to consciously respond patiently and with understanding as the kids melted down time after time after time. When bedtime arrived our routine was thrown off by some damage being caused to our property while we were gone this evening. While my husband dealt with that I took on both girls' bedtime routines, praying for a quick easy time since they were both tired. There were a few hiccups and meltdowns. The baby stuck it out for nearly an hour of wailing but has finally drifted off, at least for the time being.

It is hard to drag my mind through the process of finding the positive side when I truly just want to go to sleep. But what comes to mind is last night's events. The baby screamed for nearly 3 and a half hours straight with nothing helping. I was mentally and emotionally ravaged and felt completely shattered. My husband held me together in a hug for nearly thirty minutes when our daughter finally went to sleep. The visual that came to mind was that of a chrysalis hugging a caterpillar as it morphs into a butterfly.

As I lay in bed after having my own meltdown and "cocooning" I focused on these questions. What do I want to fall away and what do I want to emerge? This was an opportunity. It was a challenge designed to make room for growth. So how will I choose to grow and emerge?

The answers are not simple. They are not going to just happen overnight. But in changing my focus from where I had "fallen short" in my mind to where I could grow, I can begin to let some light into the chrysalis and start my transformation to emerge.

I'm so grateful for my husband. He truly is my rock. I'm grateful he can be the shore that catches me as I crash in. I'm grateful to let the tears fall and accept responsibility and also forgiveness. I'm grateful to be a pretty good mom even as I see all the ways I need to work on myself. I'm grateful for the opportunities for me to grow that come to me through my beautiful children. I'm grateful to try to stay in this place of grace as I focus on the changes I want to make.

What challenges and opportunities for growth are presenting themselves to you? Who has your back? How do you make room for growth?

May today remind us there is no limit of times we get to re-emerge and grow. May we see the opportunities life gives us and make the changes we want to see. Have a beautiful day!

Did you ever get butterflies in your stomach on the first day of school? Did you feel that anxious flutter before a big game or important interview? When I was younger I took for granted that everyone must feel that way. As I have gotten older I have learned that this isn't the case.

Well today I am writing my blog early because I will return to work this afternoon. And let me tell you, I feel the butterflies as if it were my first day of school. 

I know my job well. I have been a massage therapist for fourteen years now. But this is my first time being a massage therapist during a pandemic with all the new protocols and safety checks. I am confident in the plan my coworker, boss, and I have set up but this will be my first day actually implementing it. 

While I know it will go fine and it will "all work out" and all that, logically, my energy is anxious all the same. It is something I am accustomed to, having known myself all my life. I have resources in place like my favorite massage music and breathing techniques for the drive to help me balance before I actually see my clients. 

I still think it is funny though that I have been talking about butterflies emerging from the chrysalis several times in the last month as I spoke of Spring and of my return to work. Today I get to feel them emerging in my energy.

The other symbol that has been showing up for me a lot this week is the spider. If you know me, you know this is not my favorite symbol to be physically near to me. 

Last night there was one on the car windshield as we drove down the street. The entire ride it was pacing and watching me as I did my best to keep my skin from crawling right off my bones. Then this morning there was another large one right on my daughter's highchair tray. (That one was promptly eliminated because you don't mess with my babies.)

Spiders symbolize feminine power as well as "weaving" our future. It reminds us to use our power (I know how ironic this is that I am afraid of them.) and consciously construct the life we want. It reminds us to recognize both our light and dark aspects to find our strengths. 

Well, my strength is in healing and hopefully in adding some light and gratitude to the world. So that is what I am going to do. I am going to trust the protocols I helped put in place to keep myself and my clients safe. I am going to welcome them into that safe, healing environment and start them back on the path to feeling their best. It is what I do and that is what I will focus on today.

I'm grateful for all the resources out there to help me learn how to clean to a new degree for pandemic conditions. I'm grateful for all the resources out there making sure people have masks, gloves, and sanitizers to return to work safely. I'm grateful for all those on the front lines helping the sick and nursing them back to health. I'm grateful for the bubble I have enjoyed at home. I'm grateful to have a meaningful purpose outside the home. I'm grateful to help people live their best lives. I'm grateful for the butterflies and the spiders that give me some ironic giggles.

What symbols are emerging for you today? What energy are you feeling? 

May today remind us we are not alone (and no farther than ten feet from a spider). May we face our fears and summon courage from the butterflies as we step toward our purpose and path. Have a beautiful day!

Today is Memorial Day, a day of remembering our loved ones who are not here with us today. I'm not one to go decorate a grave site. For me, personally, I prefer to see the "reflection" of my loved ones in the Cardinals and butterflies I see every day. I prefer to focus on the spirit and energy of them that I still feel in my heart.

So far today has been getting some last minute projects done before I return to work this week. My parents came over to help with some of them and spend time with the girls. It was nice to get to see them and have lunch together.

Before they left we were all out on the deck talking. I had hoped maybe a cardinal or two would come by, a symbol of my grandparents. If they did, I didn't see them. Instead, as I was standing there holding my youngest, something fell between my face and my baby's. I saw a streak as it landed on her shirt and for a second I thought it was bird poop. Luckily it was not; it was a green caterpillar. 

What beautiful symbolism! It is a great reminder of rebirth as a caterpillar turns to a butterfly (or moth) and the spirit moves to another form. It is also so fitting right now as we, as a society, are beginning to re-emerge from this shelter-in-place.

I'm grateful for the beauty of the spirits I feel around me. I'm grateful for the symbolism I find in nature. I'm grateful to have so many Cardinals in our backyard. I'm grateful to feel the presence of loved ones who have passed and I'm grateful to spend my days with the loved ones that are still walking this earth. I'm grateful to get some projects knocked off the list. I'm grateful to still have plenty of time for a family walk, meals together, and some water play on the deck. I'm grateful my family loves being outdoors as much as I do. I'm grateful to remember those who have walked before me but also to remember to walk each day being present of the gift it is to be here.

Who are you remembering today? What ways to you connect or honor them? How did you choose to spend your day?

May today allow us to be present. May we feel connected with our loved ones. Have a beautiful day!

It is January 20th, 2020 and if you have followed my blog very long it has probably come up that I love numbers. I like to give meaning to numbers that come up, especially if I am praying about something when a number catches my attention. 

For me, zero is a number of continuity, cycles, and consistency. The number two, for me, is representative of being connected. It could be the connection with a person, the connection with nature, or with the Universe and God; but it is that deep and meaningful connection. Now imagine my excitement as I saw today's numbers, a consistent and cyclical deep connection, were perfectly in line with what I have set my intentions for this year. 

I'm grateful for numbers. I'm grateful to "nerd out" to finding meaning in the numbers. I'm grateful to feel the connection to nature and Love. I'm grateful to feel supported in my intentions for the year. I'm grateful to take some time for me today. I'm grateful for transitions and, even with some bumps, I'm grateful to be changing up our schedule a bit. I'm grateful to stay warm most the day and to have a warm home to come back to in these frigid temperatures. 

What do you get excited over? In what ways do you find confirmation, comfort, or guidance in your day?

May we all feel supported as we move into this new year. May we celebrate the little things that bring us joy and peace. Have a beautiful day!

The Summer Solstice has arrived! The first day of Summer is here and with the changing of the seasons comes abundance to celebrate. 

The Summer Solstice is the day we have the most sunlight. Already the sky is turning pink as the sun begins to rise in the neighborhood. It reminds us of the light inside each of us and can serve to reignite the sparks of our passions as we evaluate what is important to us moving forward.

This is also a time of change and beginnings as we move to a new season and reconnect with nature as the weather invites us outside. We have had a particularly rainy Spring and while the rain is predicted to continue the forecast says it will hold off for a portion of today so we can celebrate.

While nature is providing an abundance of light it is a great time for me to reflect on the abundance in my life. I woke early this morning (about 4:30) to the soft rhythmic movements of my soon-to-be-born baby having hiccups. She is testing the new skills of breathing and preparing herself for the weeks to come when she will emerge into this wonderful world. 

I'm so blessed to have an amazing husband and now two beautiful daughters to celebrate. I have a job that provides income and flexibility. We have a home full of love that is supportive of our growth. I'm surrounded by friends and family who are loving, generous, and kind. And I have a dog that despite not getting the attention she deserves is loyal, loving, and always willing to be near us.  Abundance flows fully here.

I'm grateful for the changing of the seasons. I'm grateful for the Summer Solstice and to take time today to reflect and celebrate. I'm grateful to spend this day with friends. I'm grateful the weather is cooperating for some outdoor time. I'm grateful for the symbolism and reminders this day brings. I'm grateful for all the abundance in my life. I'm grateful to feel the gentle, rhythmic hiccups of my sweet, new baby. I'm grateful to take time to just stay in bed this morning and reflect on all my blessings and the beauty of this day, this moment, and this chapter of my life. I'm grateful for sunshine. I'm grateful for all mother nature provides in her balance and cycles. And I'm grateful to be a part of this beautiful world.

What are you grateful for today? What abundance can you celebrate in your life? What significance of the Solstice resonates with you the most?

May today provide balance and light. May we see clearly all our blessings and the abundance that surrounds us. May we celebrate the light within while taking time to enjoy the sunlight as well. Have a beautiful day!

Last night I learned something new. This is not unusual because I enjoy trying to learn something new each day but last night's information caught my eye unsuspectingly.

I learned that the wiggly child inside my belly is now at the full length she will be when born. Considering I still have nine weeks to go, I found this surprising. I guess I just thought as long as she was in there she was continuing to get bigger. Well she is, not in length but in girth. From this point forward she will be gaining weight and "thickening" up.

I have mentioned having themes for my daughter and I to explore this summer. This week's theme is Life Cycles. It will help give perspective on the garden we planted two weeks ago that is now sprouting. But also we read some fun books yesterday about the life cycles of butterflies and dogs. 

Receiving this new information last night about the growth that is happening with my child inside me brought to mind images from the book The Very Hungry Caterpillar. My child is "bulking up" to prepare for her transition. 

Butterflies have always been a beautiful symbol of rebirth to me. When they have reached their full potential in one form, they take time to "go inward" inside their chrysalis and then emerge as something completely different, new, and beautiful.

This child is preparing to emerge as the beautiful and unique expression of herself. She will have her own looks, her own personality, and her own way of interpreting the life that unfolds before her. And while I get the blessing of guiding and nurturing her through the next stage of life, I will no longer be her chrysalis that can shield her from everything. 

If my other daughter has taught me anything, it is that you cannot hold on to something while it is trying to fly. I am the safe perch for her to return. I am the arms open and waiting if she falls. But she is the butterfly, the explorer testing out her own path. 

There is a saying, "A mother holds her child's hand for a short while, their heart forever." There is another saying that "Being a mother is walking around with your heart outside your own body." I do not know who said either of these quotes but they ring very true to me. 

I am not sad that my girls will grow up and "fly" away to create their own lives. This is what they were born to do and I wouldn't want to stop them from that beautiful opportunity. But I do hope to always be the perch they can come back to if they need reprieve. 

It also reminds me the importance of my own self-care, both for myself and to model it for my girls. Unlike the butterfly that emerges once; we have the opportunity to re-emerge as many times as we need. We can recreate ourselves, readjust, and be reborn over and over to reach our full potential. And perhaps, with number two on the way, this is the perfect time for me to also do some reflecting and re-emerging. 

I'm grateful for the beautiful symbolism of the butterfly. I'm grateful to be the mom of an amazing little girl who is full of adventure. I'm grateful she seems to have gotten a healthy dose of both sugar and spice. I'm grateful for all I am learning about what it means to me to be a good mom. I'm grateful to learn this new beautiful fact about the child growing inside me. I'm grateful to try to enjoy our last weeks physically connected. I'm grateful for the excitement of wondering who this new little one will be. And I'm grateful to see the importance of my own self-care as I prepare to give another piece of my heart to a child walking free in this world.

What growth cycle are you in right now? Perhaps different areas of your life are in different cycles. Which areas are needing time to go inward and which areas are ready to be reborn, emerging ready to fly?

May today support us no matter which stage of the cycle we are entering. May we know in our hearts when it is time to emerge. And may we have the courage to do so with the comfort of knowing we are supported. Have a beautiful day!

Before I was a mom I thought mom was a singular job title. It meant that you had kids and you raised those kids to the best of your ability and you loved them with all your heart. It didn't sound simple and I knew it wasn't always the picture perfect movie kind of "wonderful" but I did not realize all the fine print.

If motherhood were a college degree it would probably take ten years and another several years of interning. You need a masters in early childhood education, a psychology degree, a minor in medicine, a masters in being in the moment as well as a minimum refresher in how to simply play.  And that is only the beginning. There is also some training on how to walk around with your heart outside your body and yet still have thick enough skin to see passed the honesty that comes out of tiny humans' mouths. Plus there is a whole course needed on translation.

Yesterday my daughter was in an obstinate mood. There was a refusal to use the potty. There was a refusal to put pants back on after using the potty. There was a refusal for any activity I suggested...until I suggested the next one and then only the one I suggested three minutes ago would do. And as it came time to go to bed last night, there was the refusal to get in bed. It wasn't until one this morning when she woke crying and asking me to sleep in her bed with her that the pieces of the puzzle really started clicking for me. 

I finally had the encryption key and as I dialed it into my decoder ring....oh wait, that's right, somehow motherhood didn't come with that handy tool. But her simple request to be near me, for me to stay with her and hold her hand, lit up the whole day with clarity. All her refusal and obstinance in the morning; she didn't WANT to go to the library. She said she did but her actions now made sense that she would rather stay home to play with me. And the activities she chose were all the ones that kept me most involved, she was just waiting to hear the choices. After a week of vacation being connected at the hip, coming back to a week of mommy and daddy back to work schedules and required phone calls, she was wanting to keep some of that connection now. And I can completely relate because I have felt that same tug.

I'm grateful when my daughter's words or actions finally click for me. I'm grateful to give myself some grace that sometimes these translations are slower than I wish. I'm grateful to have been patient and in the flow yesterday even as she was acting seemingly difficult. I'm grateful to have followed her unspoken lead and stayed home rather than go to the library and I'm grateful to see after-the-fact that it was not a decision I made alone. I'm grateful for the gift, challenge, and beauty of motherhood. I'm grateful it did not actually require all the years of multiple degrees though some experience in a few of these fields has definitely helped me out. I'm grateful for every seemingly random course that I took in college that now makes sense and helps me solve the riddles. And I'm grateful to have such an amazing little human that wants to be with me even when she doesn't know how to say it.

What areas of your life could use a translator or decoder ring? How do you navigate these with as much grace as possible?

​May today remind us what is important. May we give ourselves patience and grace as we navigate the trickier areas of translation. Have a beautiful day!

Early this morning I found myself in a creepy crawly dream of fears. I was walking in the basement and my dad told me I had a bunch of ticks crawling on my back and swiped them off my clothing to the floor. The ticks were fairly large as if they had already drank some blood despite the fact they had not been attached to me. My thought was that I needed to kill them so they couldn't reattach to me or my family later. 

Before I could take action several large spiders came out of the recesses of the shadows and each spider began fighting a tick. At first it was hard to tell who was winning but soon it was apparent the spiders were stronger. The spiders began feasting on their success and I had to turn away, conflicted. I was glad the ticks were gone but I am not a fan of spiders in my house either. 

I woke for a few minutes with the heebeegeebees. Then I drifted back off to sleep. For some reason there was a bag of dirt on the floor in the basement and my brother was telling me that the strange white worms had pulled the spiders into the dirt. But he and one other person were struggling to keep these wild worms in the bag of dirt. One large one came out in my direction and I went to push it back into the bag when it opened it's one fang mouth and latched on to my hand. It was a snake, not a worm. I just stood there watching its mouth pulse on my hand, unsure how to react but not really feeling pain or fear. Then my brother informed me that the snake was drinking my unborn babies blood and fear set in as we worked to get it off. 

Waking from these dreams to ask myself what I am grateful for is kind of tricky. I'm grateful it was all a dream, I guess. But what does it mean? So I did a little research on symbolism. Before my first daughter was born I was tested for Lyme's. I had some of the markers but not all though I still exhibit some symptoms. 

On our camping trip last week my daughter and I each got a few tick bites and my husband brushed nearly a dozen unattached ticks from his clothing during one of our stops. Yesterday morning I found this engorged tick lying on the floor of our library. It must have come from our dog, whom I had not thought to check thoroughly as she was not on the trip with us. So it is not so strange that ticks would show up in my dream.

But in reading the symbolism of a tick it was as expected. Something could be taking my life force or draining me, possibly without my knowledge. And there is an attachment element as well though in my dream the ticks were not attached despite looking full. 

Next was the spider, which I have explored many times. The spider represents female energy, creativity, and weaving solutions. Well these spiders definitely had the solution. They took care of those ticks for me even if they did not, by themselves, make me feel reassured.

Next I looked up the worm and snake. It turns out a worm represents our connection with nature, bringing new life to something, and renewal. The snake represents abundance but can also represent a period of transition. The bite itself is a reminder to pay attention to my energy and intentions during a transition.

I admit I will have to sit with all this a while longer to gain a bit more clarity because I still have to let go of the "ick" factor from the dream. But I'm pleased to know that the spider was a good sign of solutions. And the worm and snakes seem to apply amply to my current situation. I guess it is time to explore which things are draining me, and through me, my baby. It brings forth the element of awareness that since we have returned from our trip I have felt more tired despite keeping a pretty laid back schedule.

On to the gratitude! I'm grateful for resources that help bring clarity to symbolism. I'm grateful to be tick free and feel secure inside my home. I'm grateful for another reminder to embrace the symbolism of spiders rather than fear it. I'm grateful for my daughter sleeping in so I can write this very long blog! I'm grateful for awareness and to make time for exploring the messages of my dream deeper. I'm grateful for a new day, sunlight, and to shake off the heebeegeebees of the night.

What have your dreams been telling you? What do your fears remind you? Do you enjoy taking time to explore the messages or do you prefer to just move forward with the day?

May today give clarity to areas we seek answers. May we find peace and solutions in any lingering questions we may hold. Have a beautiful day!