This weekend was a weekend full of dreams. No, I did not get caught up on sleep...in fact I got very little sleep. This weekend was about dreaming about the future and about seeing a couple dreams come to fruition. 

Saturday my husband and I, with baby in tow, drove a couple hours from home to go to an Overland Expo. While they didn't have quite as many tiny, rugged campers as I hoped they did have some impressive ones. They also had tons of really cool rooftop tent setups and other gear to make overlanding that much more awesome. 

Walking through the expo my husband and I were both floating on possibilities. What would work for us now, what would work in the future, and just what was cool even though it didn't meet either of those criteria. It was awesome! And it was awesome to be surrounded by people with similar dreams and hear their stories.

We took a detour on the way home to look at some campers. They didn't have the one we've been dreaming about but they had some pretty cool setups. It was fun to create stories like "oh yeah this one would be great when the girls are older and each bring a friend for the adventure." It got us talking about which features were nice and which ones we actually wanted. That led us down the dream highway on where we want to go and what our overlanding gear would need to accommodate the off the beaten road adventures. 

We made it back in town last night in time to get our older daughter from her grandparents. Then today before and after family lunch it was like moving day. My dad brought the built in bookshelves we had been working on at his shop to start the installation on either side of the fireplace. This has been a dream I drew up over three years ago but it kept getting put off with other projects. It will still take a couple more days to work on installing them but to see them in place with temporary anchors is so exciting!

We also got a deep freezer and my brother helped us move it downstairs to the basement. I look forward to filling it with bulk meats from the farm as well as homemade, pre-made casseroles and dishes to help the week go more smoothly. Right now my husband is taxed with cooking in the evening while watching both girls while I'm at work, after already working a long day himself. It will be so nice to relieve some of that burden while getting to cook for my family!

I'm so grateful to see my dreams of the bookshelves coming to fruition. I'm grateful to have gotten to help paint them and to know my husband and dad got to bond over building them. I'm grateful to see how much more storage space it will give us. I'm grateful to have a freezer to help us prepare and make evenings a little easier. I'm so grateful for our quick get-away. I'm grateful for an overland expo to bring all kinds of fun gear to one place for us to see. I'm grateful the baby did so great on the trip. I'm grateful for the commitment to get outdoors and raise our girls to explore. I'm grateful to share the same dreams and values as my husband. I'm grateful for a long car ride full of dreaming together. 

What are your dreams? What do you love to do? What dreams are you currently working to bring to fruition?

May today give us the energy to actively pursue our dreams. May we dream as big as our hearts allow. Have a beautiful day!

The sound of a good friend's voice has me bursting with gratitude today. One thing they don't really tell you when you are planning to become a parent is all the friends that will fade away as the season of your life changes. 

I hadn't heard from this friend but twice in the last year or two. She was always someone I looked up too and reached out to for advice. But on top of that she is just a beautiful person to know and you can tell it by the sound of her voice.

There is something very soothing about the right voice, isn't there? My husband and I "met" online through a dating website. We chatted online back and forth for months before I finally gave him my number. The funny thing was when he called, his voice sounded familiar even though I had never heard it before. 

Some voices just sound like home. You can tell by the tones that they are full of love. I'm not saying these people never yell or get crabby, but at the core of the voice I can feel the love.

I'm grateful for people like this in my life. I'm grateful as a mom to inherently have a voice like that for my girls, that can soothe them. I'm grateful to have given my number to the man that turned out to be my soulmate. I'm grateful for the beautiful sound of a friend's voice. I'm grateful to know she is well. I'm grateful for the sweet sound of a voice that can convey so much love. I'm grateful consciously infuse love into my voice when I speak as well.

How do you respond to different tones? What tones do you use most often? Whose voice soothes you?

May we cherish the friends whom we carry in our hearts. May we always speak with love and receive the same blessing. Have a beautiful day!

It is Christmas Eve Eve, the night before the holiday kicks off for my family. I will admit that the last two days have had their fair share of anxiety attacks as I think of all the last minute things that need done. 

I am aware that there is a biological component as my vitamins have changed. Yet I have to acknowledge the extra pressure I have put on myself combined with less self-care as the main culprit. 

As I drove home from work tonight my mind seemed to be all over the place. One thought interrupted another as I made mental reminders for tomorrow. 

When I stepped through the door at home something shifted. We turned on Christmas music and my husband and I danced with our girls. My hula hoop came out for some silliness. It was a beautiful half hour of being in the moment.

The next thing I knew it was passed the girls' bedtimes and my stress returned full force. Anxiety gripped me as the baby resisted going down. And much to my disappointment I had too much to do downstairs to lay down with my preschooler. Just when I felt an anxiety attack clenching me, my husband started being silly and making me smile...then chuckle, then laugh. He is so great at pushing that reset button. 

I'm grateful to let time slow down. I'm grateful to keep re-routing my attention to this moment. I'm grateful for all the blessings in this moment. I'm grateful to know everything will get done and I will still get some sleep. I'm grateful for leftovers so that I could have a delicious meal without the delay of making myself dinner. I'm grateful to have a delicious breakfast pre-cooked in the fridge as well. I'm grateful for my family's patience as I try to manage my stress and I'm grateful for their joy and laughter that brings me back to what is important.

How are you doing this holiday season? What helps you to reset and focus on the present moment?

May today help us see what is important and focus on the beauty of the present moment. May we have someone to share the holiday with that brings us joy. Have a beautiful day!

The gifts I wanted most for Christmas came early. Friday morning my preschooler gave me a gift I have been wanting pretty much since she was born. All I have wanted was to be able to snuggle her while she sleeps on me, when she isn't sick. 

It isn't that she isn't snuggly. If my daughter is awake or not feeling well then she is fine with snuggling. But if my daughter is awake, she is talking. She falls asleep talking and sometimes I swear she wakes up mid sentence.

Friday morning she came and crawled into bed next to me. This in itself is rare because she knows we don't let her sleep in our bed at night, but it was around six. It struck me as odd because she cuddled right into me when usually she would prefer to lie next to me without really touching much. The real shock came when she didn't start talking but instead fell back to sleep cuddled on my shoulder. I will admit I instantly assumed she was ill. But I was wrong and when we got up an hour later she was perfectly fine. I had just received the best Christmas gift she could give me.

The same day my baby girl was in the best mood. She filled the air with big belly laughs over everything from me eating to her sister jumping. Everything seemed to tickle her. Up until this point she really hasn't been big on laughing. She laughs little giggles on occasion if my finger brushes her rib while I change a diaper or if her sister does something extra silly. I can say she is a happy baby but she isn't overly giggly. Hearing her laugh big belly laughs, I thought this was the best gift she could give me for Christmas.

Little did I know my baby girl had another great gift in store. That night she slept nine straight hours! It was beautiful! Best. Gift. Ever. 

​To round out the weekend of best gifts, my parents came Saturday and my husband and I got a date night. In my book it was our best one in a long time. We got in the car with no plan but it all fell into place. We stopped for warm drinks before heading out to a local trail to walk. Despite being the Winter Solstice the sun was warm and high while we walked. We shared laughter and enjoyed the fresh air and reconnection to nature. It was perfect.

As if that weren't wonderful enough, we found a little hole in the wall kind of place that serves some authentic Chicago style food. While I didn't even know what that really meant, me husband was ecstatic so we went in. We ordered what turned out to be two delicious meals. As a bonus, while we were waiting for the meals to come out, we got to play pinball! 

I'm so grateful for my family and the perfect Christmas gifts they provided. I'm grateful to truly feel my heart overflow with joy. I'm grateful to get to snuggle my daughter while she is healthy. I'm grateful to have felt her soft snores on my neck as she cuddled in close. I'm grateful for the beautiful sound that is my baby's laugh. I'm grateful to have been blessed with an abundance of her laughter if even for the day. I'm grateful for her wonderful stretch of sleep, even if it isn't a nightly occurrence. I'm grateful she is a pretty good sleeper over all. I'm grateful to enjoy the outdoors this weekend with my husband. I'm grateful to spend the solstice outside walking the trail. I'm grateful for the laughter my husband and I shared as we reconnected. I'm grateful for the kind couple that owns Pizza Man, the Chicago style eatery. I'm grateful for a weekend of blessings and to receive the best gifts my heart could have asked.

What do you want for the holidays? What would be the best gift to your heart and soul? 

May today remind us what is important. May we celebrate the season by giving and receiving the gifts that mean the most. Have a beautiful day!

As we enter into a new work week I can't help but have marriage on my mind. My husband and I were lucky to have carved out a small portion of one on one time this weekend despite multiple anti-nap shenanigans by our girls. Also this week marks my parents' anniversary, forty-one years. 

It was said so well in Princess Bride. "Mawwiage, that bwessed awwangement, that dweam within a dweam, and wove, twue wove." It is said so well not because of the humor, though I do love that movie, but because of how it is said. Marriage is a blessed arrangement. It is hopefully a dream within a dream and true love. But ike the pronunciation, or perhaps just enunciation, it is not perfect.

Marriage, true marriage wasn't meant to be picture perfect. It wasn't meant to be the reflection of the crystal goblets and eating off the fine china in candle light with never a negative word said. It was meant to be spaghetti left on the chair and sat in, bonfires that sometimes get larger than planned, and renovations both of the home and of the relationship.

We weren't made to be rigidly one way for our whole life. Life shapes us and we shift and adapt in return. Marriage is like life. Things come our way and we each adapt in our own way. The beauty is being able to adapt our own way and still respect, love, and if we're lucky even understand our mate. Marriage is the ability to go through all that and still take each others' hand and say "what's next?" 

I'm grateful to witness the beauty of my parents' marriage. I'm grateful for all they have taught me as they navigated their marriage. I'm grateful to hold hope for my husband and I celebrating forty-one years of marriage even though we started much later. I'm grateful for Princess Bride and for this quote that is beautifully perfect in its imperfect delivery. I'm grateful to be walking my path with my soulmate and to make the commitment to each other even amongst the distractions of life. I'm grateful for our beautiful daughters and even their shenanigans. 

What does marriage look like to you? What is the most important aspect of your own view of marriage?

May we cherish the moments we have with the ones we love. May we come through each bump stronger and more in love. And may we renew our commitment each day. Have a beautiful day!

I enjoy reading books that make me think or help me grow. There are plenty of books out there I have enjoyed on positive parenting and several "self-help" books that have inspired me. Brené Brown is one author I have enjoyed, especially her book The Gift of Imperfection.

Recently I read a book called Unglued. It was a little more bible focused than my nature but there was a lot of great take-away thoughts. The part that touched me most was not getting caught up in the moments we fall back to old habits or reactions, but rather recognizing that we have made imperfect progress away from those reactions to be able to "fall back". 

We are not perfect. We were not made to be perfect. And how each of our "best" looks is entirely different. It is dependent on so many factors including experiences, beliefs, situations, and personality. 

Overnight I had an experience that gave me the gift of seeing how far I have come in one area of my life. In 2011 I was diagnosed with PTSD. It stemmed from a childhood trauma and was compounded, or at least made more obvious, by a few experiences in my young adult life. One way it presented in my life was me being a very light sleeper. To feel secure enough to sleep I needed a small amount of light, silence and a closed, if not locked, door. 

In my quest to help heal some of this I had read a book about another woman who had gone through something vaguely similar. In the book she had confessed that she had not been able to get over the need for the locked door. She shared her heartbreak of broken promises to her young daughter as she would try but fail to be able to leave this open access to herself at night. Her story made me all the more determined to find a way to overcome this.

Fast forward to meeting my husband. His sleep needs are complete darkness and a sound machine or fan. When we moved in together he accommodated my need for light with a small runway of those battery operated tealight candles. We slept with the door fully latched but not locked and the sound machine turned way down. Over the first year something amazing happened. For the first time in my life I was able to get full nights of deep sleep feeling completely safe. Oh there were nights that didn't fit that description but more and more I began to sleep. Now I too prefer the sound of a fan and darkness, with a small flashlight in reach. And since my daughter has come along I have found the peace and security to leave our door open just a little. It makes me feel a little closer and more available to her, even back when she was in a crib. 

Overnight last night was my first real test of this security. As I lay sleeping there was suddenly something grasping my ankle and I could feel the presence of someone in the dark by my bed. There was that moment of freezing, stiff as mind raced to place where I was and what was happening. And yet within that trigger there was the presence of mind to not react, just remain still. Perhaps it was the comforting gentle snore of my husband next to me or the recognition of the gentleness of the movement. I took a breath to bring me fully into the moment just as my toddler pulled herself up onto the bed and sat next to my leg silently. 

Now my daughter has entered our room during the night only maybe half a dozen times since moving into a big girl bed nearly a year ago. Mostly she prefers to stay put in her room and call out over the monitor. But in the past when she has entered she just gives the door a shove and it bangs against the wall waking the whole room giving us plenty of time to respond before she even approaches the bed. 

I sat up slowly and put my arm around her so I wouldn't bump her off the bed. In her quiet, innocent voice she said, "I can't find my water bottle." We both went back to her room and found it hidden down in the covers. I stayed there for a few minutes holding her hand while she drifted back to sleep and that is when it fully hit me. I had just done it. I had experienced what five years ago would have been my biggest trigger and I had remained present and been able to respond calmly. My reward was a calmly snoozing child and a heart bursting with gratitude.

I cannot say for sure that this will always be my reaction. But I am beyond grateful to recognize my imperfect progress and have this beautiful moment of success. 

I'm grateful for self-work and self-awareness. I'm grateful for my amazing husband and all he has done to work with me and help me feel safe. I'm grateful to know what a good night's sleep feels like now, even if it is frequently interrupted now that I have a child. I'm grateful for the idea of imperfect progress and celebrating our steps forward rather than focusing on the times we stumble back. I'm grateful for all the beautiful messages there are to find in books or amazing speeches. I'm grateful for all the people out there that share their inspiring stories in hopes it helps even one person on their own journey. But most of all I'm grateful for that moment tonight when a mother's heart and a breath of presence won out over a reaction to a trauma so far in my past.

What does your imperfect progress look like today? How can you celebrate how far you have come? 

May today remind us the beauty of even the smallest baby steps. May we find comfort and gratitude in the imperfect progress we make each day of our journey. Have a beautiful day!

This weekend is Father's Day. Being a dad is not an easy job. It isn't even like it was in the forties and fifties where you go to work to bring home the bacon, come home and maybe dole out a little discipline and then read the paper. I know even back then that is not how all families worked; but today there is a lot more demand for dads to be involved, active parents.

My husband and I work different schedules so that most of the time it is one of us with my daughter. We each get a shot at solo parenting pretty much every day as well as a chance to get out in the business world. It gives us a lot more understanding for each other. We both help with tasks around the house and I will admit, because of work schedules, my husband does more of the dinner cooking. By all accounts he is whatI would call Super Dad.

When our daughter (pretty soon I'm going to have to start saying first daughter) was born he stumbled across an article about there only being 940 Saturdays between when your child is born and when they turn eighteen. It is the reminder that time flies and to make each moment count. 

We have a patch sewn on to our hiking backpack reminding us of this number. Time is fleeting. Kids grow up quickly. I still cannot believe that my bitty is going to be three in a couple months. The 940 is a beautiful reminder to cherish the moments we have and to get out and enjoy them. 

I could not have asked for a better dad for my girls. My husband and I started "late" having kids so we are older than either of us planned when we dreamed of being parents. Yet there is beauty in having ourselves a little more figured out and having some adult-ing under our belt. The self-awareness alone goes an extra mile when my daughter is having a rough day. 

Yes, the energy level is not quite as high as when I was in my twenties. And yes, I could definitely pull all nighters with a lot more stamina back then. But finding an amazing husband to create this family with and watching him grow as a dad is priceless.

I'm grateful for an amazing husband. I'm grateful he is also an amazing father to our kids. I'm grateful for all the ways he exceeds any expectations I may have had about what a dad "should" do. I'm grateful for the way he can get a squealing laughter to fill the house by playing with my daughter. I'm grateful for the way we balance each other in giving our daughter independence. I'm grateful he found the 940 patch to serve as a reminder to us both. And I'm grateful for all the ways we try to make each day, each weekend, and each month count. I'm grateful to have grown up with a great dad. I'm grateful to watch my husband making those strong, beautiful bonds with our daughter as well.

What would you do with 940 weekends? What makes a great dad in your eyes? How can you honor the dads in your life this weekend?

​May today remind us to appreciate the people around us. May we remember how short time together can be and make the most of each moment. Have a beautiful day!

Today is National Siblings Day. Family is so important because is probably the single largest factor in shaping who we become. Siblings play a big role of that as we learn where we fit into the big picture. 

Siblings are the perfect combination of being a blunt mirror for showing us who we are while also teaching us how to interact with others. From "simple" lessons like sharing to the more complex lessons of navigating a relationship as people grow and change; siblings are a great tool in understanding the larger, more complex world.

There is no one like a sibling. It is someone to lean on when there is a loss or pain in the family. They are the only ones that understand the intricacies of how you grew up and can relive the best and worst moments of that with you. 

I have one older brother. I cannot even tell you the millions of lessons I have learned from him. But I can say that I am grateful to still have a relationship with him that includes seeing him multiple times a week and that even as an adult the lessons continue. 

For me, there is something special about being the younger sibling. In some ways there was an added safety net of protection growing up because I knew my big brother would help "fight" my battles...as long as they weren't against him. I also got the benefit of observing and learning through his "mistakes" or trials. As a pretty quiet and shy kid both of these perks were very useful.

Today I watch as my brother runs a successful business, oozes confidence, and has more charisma than can hardly fit inside one room. I know the challenges he has gone through to get here and yet seeing him from across the room you wouldn't know. He is the epitome of strength yet still shows his large, generous heart. He is a great brother and an even better uncle. I am so proud and inspired by the person he has become. 

I'm grateful for all my brother has taught me. I'm grateful to think I may have taught him a thing or two too. I'm grateful to get to work together and see each other a few times a week. I'm grateful to still get to be an observer, learning from him. I'm grateful to have a close-knit family and to have some female cousins that were like sisters to me. I'm grateful my daughters will get to have a special sibling bond that can only come from the sister connection. I'm grateful and excited to get to watch them each grow into individuals and hopeful I can help them create a positive relationship to cherish. 

Do you have siblings? If not, who filled that role for you? What is the best attribute or lesson you learned from your sibling?

May today remind us that family is so very important. May we remember there are still plenty of lessons to learn and share as we age. Have a beautiful day!

People talk about soulmates. Sometimes it is used synonymously with a lover, but to me a soulmate is more. I believe we have more than one soulmate. One of those may turn out to be the person you marry but I believe that friends, cousins, parents, or even someone you have only conversed with one time can all be soulmates. To me, a soulmate is a person you are linked with on a deeper level that this earth who helps you travel the path you were sent here to navigate.

Some people have a hard time with the idea when I say at least one of my exes was a soulmate. And I think it is a misconception that soulmates always get along or never drive us crazy. This myth was probably started by the same people who started the myth about a "perfect" marriage never having a disagreement. It just isn't realistic. What makes a great marriage is the ability to work through it and be loving and respectful. And a soulmate?

Well sometimes they are like a wrecking ball to knock you back on course when you are losing your way. Sometimes they are the people that push your buttons and make you take a look at that shadow side of yourself so you can grow and bloom into the version of you that can make your dreams come true. Other times they are the gentle, loving, guiding voice that helps you dust off and let's you be vulnerable and encourages you to keep being you above all else. 

My husband is one of my soulmates. I met him before we ever met in person but that is a story for another time. We do not have a "perfect" marriage but we have a great one that we are both willing to work at to keep it that way. 

The soulmate I want to talk about today is my mom. I would not have made it this far in life without my mom's support, love, and gentle nature that nurtured me. She is a pillar of support and always just a call away. I talk to her every day Whether I need parenting advice, to vent, or just to hear about how her day is going; she is there.

She is my hero and someone I can look up to, not because of any false pillar I have built for her, but because of the beautiful person she is inside and out. 

I'm so grateful that I was blessed with such a great mom. I'm grateful to have someone who has accepted me for me since the day I was born. I'm grateful for all we have in common and all we have different that makes our relationship strong. I'm grateful for her patience. I'm grateful for all she has taught me, both through words and actions. I'm grateful to get to celebrate another birthday with my mom and try to make it special just like she always made mine special growing up. I'm grateful for all my soulmates no matter the role they played. And I'm grateful for the beautiful path I get to travel each day.

Who are your soulmates? Who has made the biggest impact in your life? Who would you call every day?

May today let us see and appreciate the role of soulmates in our lives. May we honor the ones who have been with us for the duration. Have a beautiful day!

When I embarked on this journey of motherhood I knew it wouldn't be an easy job. But I did think that all of my experience with children would give me some kind of advantage and that there would be certain areas that I would naturally be good at as a mother. Maybe to some extent it is true but in many ways it only raised the bar I set for myself making it harder when I do not reach it.

I am never harder on myself than when it comes to how I am raising my tiny human. My personality has always leaned to self-critical but I had done a lot of self-work before my daughter was born to help moderate that aspect. But when it comes to parenting I struggle to remind myself that there is a learning curve and I am still just human.

Coming out of a challenging weekend I can definitely say I am grateful for a supportive, hands-on husband that helps with our daughter. When I can feel I've been pushed to my limit it is so nice to say "tag! Your turn!" and take a moment to go breathe. 

My husband is great about being on my team in the thick of it. And I am so blessed for not only his active parenting but for his different perspective. He is great about catching me when my wards turn inward and reminding me I'm a good mom.

Yet when I am spiraling and it feels like there is no end to the tunnel of two year old tests there is no one better than my mom to call. Why? Not because she says anything different than my husband usually but because she has BEEN there! She is a survivor of not only the toddler years but also the teenager years. She has watched her kids make good and bad choices, witnessed the fallout, watched our hearts be broken and been right there for us as we rebuilt. 

I do not remember what I was like at two. I do not remember my mom losing her cool or pulling her hair out. I remember all the great times. All the calm lessons and all the time spent together is what makes up my memories of youth. But my mom remembers. She remembers all the times she felt she was screwing up or that she was at the end of her rope. She remembers losing her temper. And she can say, "look how close we are now."

I'm so grateful for all my husband does. I'm grateful to have someone to bounce ideas off of and to catch me when I am being too hard on myself. I'm grateful for all the ways his perspective differs from my own and the ways we adapt to blend the two thoughts. I'm grateful for my daughter who if a great kid even on her worst days. I'm grateful to not believe in the "terrible twos" even when I am in the thick of why it earned that name. I'm grateful for all the times I respond instead of react and the times I am able to keep my patience test after test. And when I fall short of that loft goal I set for myself, I'm grateful for my mom to remind me it is just part of parenting. I'm grateful to see how myself and my brother turned out and the relationship we have with my mom that gives me hope. I'm grateful to have had a great mom and to be reminded that I am one too.

What challenges ignite your self-critic? How do you regain your perspective? Who is on your support team?

May today remind us that our challenges and mistakes help shape us. May we release any criticism and find the lesson in the experience so we can continue growing and moving forward. Have a beautiful day!