Everyone I have talked to have high hopes for 2021. Mostly everyone is looking forward to a "return to normal", meaning the pandemic ending and the return of gatherings while tossing the face masks.  I am definitely looking forward to these things as well.

Even as I celebrate this new year I am a bit skeptical that this year will be able to completely transform back to normal. I think we have a while before this will truly be over and I don't think things will ever fully return to the normal it was before the pandemic. Most of our work protocols for one will still remain in place because they have been effective at keeping clients and staff healthy, even if it is from the common cold or flu. 

When a new year rolls around many of us tend to set lofty goals. For some people that is working out every day. When I asked my preschooler she said "to go scuba diving at this place (pointing to some beautiful, exotic island featured in a magazine)." I have to admit this is now definitely on my bucket list as well but explained that she would have to wait more couple years before she could earn her diving certification. 

Yesterday the communication in our household was off. The kids are getting a little stir crazy being out of a routine for the last week and a half. My husband and I didn't seem to be on the same wave length. And things were being interpreted through our own fears and sensitivities rather than just heard. It happens. We are human. 

At one point I had a feeling of disappointment that on the second day of the new year we were in such friction. Then I had to laugh at myself a little. Why do I hold a random date on the calendar so highly? Do I really expect an entire year to be somehow void of bumps? Until I am no longer human I cannot expect the year to be anything but ...human. It will be an imperfectly perfect year just as I am imperfectly perfect. The bumps will help me grow and learn. The challenges will help my husband and I learn how to grow as a team. And the year, no matter what goes on externally, with the pandemic or anything else, can still be a year of beauty and gratitude.

I'm grateful to kick off the year human. I'm grateful to remember to knock down the pedestals and enjoy the real beauty. I'm grateful my husband and I were able to turn around our communication as always. I'm grateful to remove the filters of past wounds and use my ears and heart to hear. I'm grateful to create a goals list with my whole family's input. I'm grateful for goals that feel very achievable. I'm grateful to set monthly goals that build rather than one large yearly goal. I'm grateful to start with a goal of just five minutes for me. I'm grateful for the time I have had off with my family. I'm grateful for the beauty of my family (myself included!) sleeping in passed seven almost every day this last week! I'm grateful for the return of a schedule and work tomorrow.  I'm grateful to tell my daughter she gets to do (home)school tomorrow which she has been missing so much on our little break. I'm grateful for this special time with her and to get to be her teacher this year. I'm grateful for the year ahead and all the love and joy (and even the bumps) it will bring.

What goals have you set for the year? What expectations are you holding for 2021? Are they achievable? What beauty will you hold on to this year? 

May we remember that a new year is still a human year. May we seek to make it beautiful through gratitude rather than perfection. Have a beautiful day!

I return from the holiday break with my light shining a little brighter. I can't say I caught up on any sleep or got much accomplished but it sure was nice to focus on family and just relax.

We all have things that help our light shine a little brighter, help us feel our best, and let us know we're loved. The possibilities are endless for what those things are for each individual. Sure we can break it down into basic categories like the Love Languages, just like we can break down a rainbow into basic colors; yet there is a blending, blurring, mixing too.

There are things that block our light. There are things that cast shadows or dim it. Sometimes these things are things we allow to be done, sometimes they are things we do to ourselves, and sometimes it is completely out of our hands. 

So how do we find a good place of balance? What is the balance for you to let your light shine its brightest? How often do you do the things that brighten your light and how often are you around the shadows?

I think it is an important question to ask, especially this time of year when the sun's light still hasn't returned to its full length. Perhaps this question can set the groundwork for what goals we need to set for the year to come. Perhaps it can help us reevaluate relationships that need to shift. Perhaps it can remind us to make that extra effort to increase our positive self-talk. 

I'm grateful to take a couple minutes to myself to paint my toenails. I'm grateful for the time normally spent doing such things with my preschooler and yet I was surprisingly grateful to have a moment to do this for myself, by myself, for the first time in over a year. I'm grateful to have had an extra set of hands around with my mother-in-law staying for the holidays. I'm grateful for all her insights and to continue to grow our relationship as she is truly an inspiring woman. I'm grateful for my husband reminding me to just sit. I'm grateful for wine and chocolates. I'm grateful for the abundance of good foods. I'm grateful for the true spoiling that my family received this year. I'm grateful to turn my sights to the year ahead and start planning how to make next year support this shining light.

May today give us plenty of opportunity to do something kind for ourselves. May we nurture ourselves and let our lights shine. Have a beautiful day!

One great thing about the joining of two families through marriage is the sharing of traditions. Between my husband's family and mine there are a lot of traditions this time of year. From advent calendars and ornament painting to gingerbread houses and cookie decorating; there is a lot of creativity (and mess) in the air this time of year.

This weekend we decorated sugar cookies. It was a blast. There was a wide range of how they turned out but all of them were perfect in their own way from the yellow reindeer to the green sprinkled tree. We went through half a jar of sprinkles and three batches of frosting to create our masterpieces. And while I will be finding sprinkles until at least Valentine's Day, it was well worth it getting to see my preschooler participate. (The toddler just ate her cookie and a handful of sprinkles and went on her way.)

We also took the time to build our gingerbread house this weekend. As you can see from the picture above, it's really more of a home than just a house. It is clearly lived in and adorned with love. 

I always laugh seeing the box picture of how the supplies were intended to look when put together. Even if I hadn't had my preschooler do the majority of the decorating it would not have looked anywhere close to the picture. But does perfection really have any room in these kind of holiday traditions? 

I think the real answer to that question depends on what you are calling perfection. The decorating may not look like perfection to an outside eye but for me this is one of the most perfect gingerbread houses we have made. Why? Because my whole family participated!

My husband and I took turns squeezing out some frosting. Our preschooler helped guide our hands to outline the house features and also busied herself sticking on the candies. Even our toddler sprinkled on some candy...at least the pieces we were fast enough to keeping her from eating. It was really fun. My husband and I got a little chuckle out of the end result and my oldest has declared it is the most beautiful house she's ever seen. 

 I'm grateful that perfection is not stuck in one definition. I'm grateful perfection is in the eye of the beholder. I'm grateful that for me and my family participation IS perfection because time together is the most important. I'm so grateful for all the time together this weekend. I'm grateful for all the fun traditions this time of year. I'm grateful to have an advent calendar for the first time. I'm grateful to be enjoying the family activities each day. I'm grateful for the joys of the season being so much brighter and richer when we are together.

What are your favorite traditions this time of year? What traditions have you kept from your childhood and what new ones have you picked up as an adult? How do you define perfection? Does that definition feel good?

May we all write our definitions to build us up with grace and love. May we find joy in traditions, new and old. Have a beautiful day!

Some days just fall flat. Some days seem to just be turned upside down no matter how hard you try to right it. I rarely find the word "should" to be a positive thought but it creeps into my mind more than I would care to admit. On days like this, when things keep going sideways, there just really isn't a place for "should". I have to consciously put it away because all I need on these days is grace and deep breaths.

It can be hard though, right? It is for me anyway. It is hard to remember to give myself the same grace and comfort that I would offer any friend who was telling me about a day like this. Yet that is exactly what I need, to be my own friend and to offer myself the same compassion.

For me, it helps to take a moment and just sit in quiet. It helps to think about all my blessings and what I am grateful for no matter what is going on. 

I'm grateful for healthy lungs that can breathe deeply. I'm grateful to have only yelled twice today despite the urge so many more times. I'm grateful for this moment of silence. I'm grateful to just close my eyes and just take in the weight of my eyelids. I'm grateful for this cozy sofa that I will be curling up on soon. I'm grateful to remind myself that I can put away "should" and my own self-judgment and just give myself compassion. I'm grateful for honesty. I'm grateful for my family on good days and rough days. I'm grateful for the beautiful little moments that glimpse through even on stormy days. 

When do you find "should" creeping into your self-talk? Does that added pressure help? When do you need to put "should" away and just give yourself some compassion?

May we remember to treat ourselves with the same love we give our friends. May we find compassion and grace. May we store "should" away and only bring it out when it has something kind to say. Have a beautiful day!

This is the morning of my week that requires a little extra oomph. Instead of taking a shower and then getting my girls ready for the day; I wrangle a dog into the shower, then each of my girls and finally do a quick shower myself. It is a process for sure but much faster than giving everyone a separate bath. 

On this particular morning I also had some vacuuming to do because my vacuuming day is Thanksgiving this week. I am grateful for my vacuum and a clean house...but I am not using it on Thanksgiving if I don't have to!

In the midst of everything I am feeling excited and a little nervous as I took on another commitment starting December 1st. I did something for myself that I have always wanted to do. I joined a book club. It is a weekly one that is only for the month of December so it is quite a commitment. 

When I was asked to join my initial reaction was "I absolutely can't take on one more thing!" I mean I'm working and navigating the covid cancelations and surveys and precautions, homeschooling, raising two girls, caring for an ailing dog, treating our house for the fleas she had, trying to maintain the house and spend some few minutes a day with my husband...oh and blogging. Some days it feels like a lot! 

Something stopped me from saying no. Perhaps it was the book that was going to be discussed and how it resonated especially as I process a recent loss. Perhaps it was a need to reconnect with these friends that I have not gotten to physically be with during the pandemic. Perhaps it was just wanting to do something for ME and it being one thing I've been wanting to do for years. No matter what the reason I finally told myself, "I can do this." And if keeping up with everyone else doesn't work, the worst that happens is I read when I can and chat with them later. Either way there is nothing to lose if I am moving forward with grace.

The most important factor in success is in what we tell ourselves. How are we going to frame it? What defines failure anyway? Success is only gained from trying and believing in ourselves is the first step.

I'm grateful to give myself some faith. I'm grateful to believe I can do this. I'm grateful to believe this book has something to offer even as it is different from my usual type of books (or possibly BECAUSE it is different). I'm grateful to say yes when I could have said no. I'm grateful to give myself this opportunity. I'm grateful for my friends inviting me. I'm grateful for a productive morning and a day of leisure and thanks tomorrow. I'm grateful for all my husband's help in cleaning and in helping with the shower shuffle of children. 

What can you reframe today? Where can you give yourself some grace and where can you believe in yourself a little more? What is one thing you have been wanting to do?

May today give us the boost of self-confidence to say yes. May we take the opportunities as they come and know it will work out as it is meant to work out. Have a beautiful day!

What makes you feel discombobulated? When do you feel persnickety? For me, often times it is when there is a smorgasbord of demands and I feel like the "plates" are starting to fall. Other times it is little things like my kids not being loving to each other or things getting wasted or broken. 

Today was a morning full of triggers for me. It started off well enough but then a few hiccups set me on edge. The first was my preschooler pouring her cow's milk into her sister's oat milk. It was in the pretense to share which was sweet but her sister can't have cow's milk and she refused to drink the combo milk so both cups got wasted. Then it was the last of the cereal being thrown out instead of eaten. Then four demands coming from every direction three minutes after I was supposed to have already left the house for my doctor's appointment. 

I specify what the morning triggers were because looking back I can see that they were minor. They were things that could have been brushed off as a learning lesson and released. And as for the being in demand while running late, the first is always going to happen as a mom so really it is just my trigger around being late. While these all seem like small potatoes, they were enough to make me discombobulated. 

So what do you do when this happens? I will admit my initial response was not the one I prefer. I let my triggers take over as I stood at the door, rather than taking a moment to breathe. I apologized and reconciled this behavior but it got me thinking what could I do differently.

Breathing deeply and slowly often helps. Yet when I am triggered, sometimes that logical side feels far reaching. What about a distraction? One thing I enjoy is weird words. You may have noticed a couple in this post already. I like words that make me giggle. I can't even really tell you why they make me giggle. Words like discombobulated, persnickety, smorgasbord, grommet, and pumpernickel are just a few of such words. What if I could use this knowledge of myself to make that shift? Or perhaps just a simple hug or physically sitting down could also work. 

I'm grateful to be triggered so I could explore other ways to find comfort. I'm grateful to search a new way that is outside the box. I'm grateful for words. I'm grateful for words that make me laugh. I have been told that I am easily amused and even been called simple. But you know what, I'm grateful for this trait. I'm grateful to find amusement where some may not. I'm grateful to be simple in some ways because there is enough complexity each day without me adding to it...by being persnickety. Haha! I'm grateful to laugh. I'm grateful to say I'm sorry and be able to be honest when I have made a choice that isn't in line with who I want to be. I'm grateful to be always learning and growing.

What are some of your techniques? In what ways are you simple and what ways are you complex? What makes you laugh?

May today remind us that we are all human. May we find a way to laugh and move forward. Have a beautiful day!

Role models are great when we use them constructively. When they are held on a pedestal they serve only as a measuring stick to inadequacy and other negative thoughts. Yet when role models are used as a reminder or as a teaching tool, they become a great support.

Many of my beloved childhood memories was of Mr. Rogers. Now as a mom I get to relive and share his messages with my own children. Even in re-watching this wonderful show I find myself reminded of tools I have that still help today.

I was blessed to get to see the movie A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood with Tom Hanks playing Mr. Rogers. I think he did a wonderful job. It is a great way to see him as human and not perfect while still seeing the beautiful, wonderful qualities to model. 

Even tonight as my daughter was having meltdown after meltdown from exhaustion I was able to maintain my center by listening to Mr. Roger's calming voice in my head. "What do you do with the mad that you feel?" "How did you feel about that?" Could we just sit together for a minute? It was a beautiful gift for both of us.

I'm so grateful for Mr. Rogers and all he taught. I'm grateful to have grown up watching. I'm grateful to share the messages with my own children. I'm grateful for all he did for children across the country. I'm grateful for his calm voice. I'm grateful to accept his lessons and use him and a beautiful, constructive role model. I'm grateful to do my best to model myself in this way and keep my center. I'm grateful for tonight with my daughter, just being present and calm. I'm grateful for all the amazing role models in my life.

Who are your role models? Are you using them as constructive models in your life? 

May we remember we are all human. May we ask ourselves in times of struggle, what would our positive, strong, loving role models do? May we hear the answers and center ourselves as positive change. We never know who may just be using us as a role model too. Have a beautiful day!

Complete this sentence, "Today was so good..." I will give you some examples based on my day. Today was so good, I forgot what day it was. Today was so good, it didn't even matter that my kids were in the pool in their clothes. Today was so good, the bumpy parts didn't even cast a shadow on its beauty. 

Not all days can be this glorious. Some days are mundane or worse. Yet if we focus on the part of the day that was good, and there is always something to be grateful for in each day, we can close out the day on a positive memory. This is always a good reminder for myself. It's not just about being grateful in general, it's about be specific. It is about picking out the moment or moments that were beautiful, good, gracious and focusing on them.

Today this was easy. It was a great day! My hope is that this reminder, that was so easily practiced today, will carry with me each day no matter how beautiful or bumpy.

I'm grateful for a day outside. I'm grateful to get to do some gardening. I'm grateful for some great time with family. I'm grateful to get out the four-wheeler and take my daughter on her first ride. I'm grateful to see her conquer her fear of the noise they make and laugh with glee at the joy of the ride. I'm grateful for an amazing lunch and dinner. I'm grateful to fill not only my belly but my "cup"- heart and soul. I'm grateful for this day and the beautiful sunset to close it out. 

How will you complete the sentence? What was the beauty in today? How do you practice this each day?

May today remind us to find the beauty. May we give gratitude not only when the days shine bright but when the days need us to shine some light back into them. Have a beautiful day!

Today was a challenging day, mostly because I got less than three hours of sleep last night. Teething is a rough time for the whole family and, while we banded together pretty well today, it was clear we were all lacking sleep.

My husband and I powered through as parents do; making an extra effort to consciously respond patiently and with understanding as the kids melted down time after time after time. When bedtime arrived our routine was thrown off by some damage being caused to our property while we were gone this evening. While my husband dealt with that I took on both girls' bedtime routines, praying for a quick easy time since they were both tired. There were a few hiccups and meltdowns. The baby stuck it out for nearly an hour of wailing but has finally drifted off, at least for the time being.

It is hard to drag my mind through the process of finding the positive side when I truly just want to go to sleep. But what comes to mind is last night's events. The baby screamed for nearly 3 and a half hours straight with nothing helping. I was mentally and emotionally ravaged and felt completely shattered. My husband held me together in a hug for nearly thirty minutes when our daughter finally went to sleep. The visual that came to mind was that of a chrysalis hugging a caterpillar as it morphs into a butterfly.

As I lay in bed after having my own meltdown and "cocooning" I focused on these questions. What do I want to fall away and what do I want to emerge? This was an opportunity. It was a challenge designed to make room for growth. So how will I choose to grow and emerge?

The answers are not simple. They are not going to just happen overnight. But in changing my focus from where I had "fallen short" in my mind to where I could grow, I can begin to let some light into the chrysalis and start my transformation to emerge.

I'm so grateful for my husband. He truly is my rock. I'm grateful he can be the shore that catches me as I crash in. I'm grateful to let the tears fall and accept responsibility and also forgiveness. I'm grateful to be a pretty good mom even as I see all the ways I need to work on myself. I'm grateful for the opportunities for me to grow that come to me through my beautiful children. I'm grateful to try to stay in this place of grace as I focus on the changes I want to make.

What challenges and opportunities for growth are presenting themselves to you? Who has your back? How do you make room for growth?

May today remind us there is no limit of times we get to re-emerge and grow. May we see the opportunities life gives us and make the changes we want to see. Have a beautiful day!

Perhaps it is the weather, which has been grey and overcast and drizzly most days of the last couple weeks. Perhaps it is the knowledge that in less than a week I will return to work. Perhaps it is the worry that life will be speeding back up again when I return to the outside world. Or perhaps it is just the hormones shifting again as we near my daughter's first birthday and she is naturally slowing her nursing schedule. No matter the reason, I have been riding some big emotional waves this week.

The ups have been nice but not overly high. The lows have been deep and the tears have flowed. I feel like I am in mourning even though I am not sure all the elements behind it. 

It is a process to navigate through and on the other side I will find balance again. Things are once again changing. Just as I had to readjust for the shelter-in-place, I have to equally readjust to emerging back into the world. It is like a butterfly or perhaps a lotus flower. Now it is time to re-emerge.

I'm grateful for the wonderful people in my life that provide good conversation as I talk it out. I'm grateful for the love and support I receive each day. I'm grateful to know that this time at home was a beautiful blessing and to have cherished the moments of it. I'm grateful to know that I am still so lucky and blessed to get to spend the first half of my day with my girls each day. I'm grateful it is "summer" and we will not be navigating a return to school at the same time as my return to work. I'm grateful for my amazing clients who are so kind and welcoming. I'm grateful to know returning to work will help bring another side of my purpose back into play. I'm grateful to ride these waves, knowing they are part of the process and all is well.

How are you doing today? Is your life shifting or is it remaining as is for the time being? What would you like to bring with you as you emerge?

May today remind us that change is good. May we find gratitude in the process and beauty in the moments. Have a beautiful day!