Perhaps it is the weather, which has been grey and overcast and drizzly most days of the last couple weeks. Perhaps it is the knowledge that in less than a week I will return to work. Perhaps it is the worry that life will be speeding back up again when I return to the outside world. Or perhaps it is just the hormones shifting again as we near my daughter's first birthday and she is naturally slowing her nursing schedule. No matter the reason, I have been riding some big emotional waves this week.

The ups have been nice but not overly high. The lows have been deep and the tears have flowed. I feel like I am in mourning even though I am not sure all the elements behind it. 

It is a process to navigate through and on the other side I will find balance again. Things are once again changing. Just as I had to readjust for the shelter-in-place, I have to equally readjust to emerging back into the world. It is like a butterfly or perhaps a lotus flower. Now it is time to re-emerge.

I'm grateful for the wonderful people in my life that provide good conversation as I talk it out. I'm grateful for the love and support I receive each day. I'm grateful to know that this time at home was a beautiful blessing and to have cherished the moments of it. I'm grateful to know that I am still so lucky and blessed to get to spend the first half of my day with my girls each day. I'm grateful it is "summer" and we will not be navigating a return to school at the same time as my return to work. I'm grateful for my amazing clients who are so kind and welcoming. I'm grateful to know returning to work will help bring another side of my purpose back into play. I'm grateful to ride these waves, knowing they are part of the process and all is well.

How are you doing today? Is your life shifting or is it remaining as is for the time being? What would you like to bring with you as you emerge?

May today remind us that change is good. May we find gratitude in the process and beauty in the moments. Have a beautiful day!

We have all run across challenges in our lifetime. What that looks like can be different person to person or even  day to day. What challenges us at one point of our lives may seem minor at a different point in our lives if we come across it again. 

Sometimes it isn't even the task itself that is the challenge. The real question, is the challenge worth the reward?

A lot of times what challenges us is the next step to whatever goal of life achievement we are pursuing. When we are dating, the next challenge is deciding to marry or to find someone new. Will I go after this dream job? Will I hike to the top of Everest? Will I choose to have a child, or another child? 

It always comes down to, is the challenge worth the reward. If it is, then do it! If it is worth succeeding at, then go all in. And sometimes the reason something seems so challenging is because it is not worth the reward but is required anyway, such as a work requirement. Without the feeling of worth behind it, the task seems harder than it would be if we were motivated.

The question is, what reward is worth it? We can find ways to make challenges easier, or at least more motivating by finding the reward that makes it worth it. 

Last week I watched my ten month old climb a ladder. I stayed near, of course, but it was interesting to observe. She is the more cautious child, of my two so far. It took her about five full minutes to climb the five or six steps to the top and all for a shiny, gold-colored point that was sticking out of the doorway of her sister's treehouse. Each movement was full of trembles and each moved hand grip was well planned and white-knuckled, but she was determined to get to what turned out to be a unicorn pillow's horn. 

We don't have to be chasing unicorns to make it worth it. It doesn't even have to be something big, a life milestone. We just have to find the reward to feels good to us.

There has been a lot of divide during this pandemic. Some people saying it is the end of the world and others saying it isn't real and it is conspiracy. Some people have complained about shelter-in-place and can't wait to reopen while others want to see another month or more of staying in. I can't say who is right or wrong because I only know what is best for me and my family. 

For me, shelter-in-place was worth the reward of time with my family and feeling like I was doing my part to help people stay healthy. It was worth it for the huge shift it brought and ability to step back and take a wider look at my schedule and priorities. Going back to work will be worth the reward as well, as we get to return to a two income family and I get to have a little stronger identity outside being a mom. 

Parenthood is no easy task. Yet it is so worth the reward when I look into my daughters' eyes. The toddler and preschool age can be a challenge because of the duality of independence and co-dependence that exudes every interaction. But I would still say this age is one of my favorite because they still love so deeply and cuddly too.

I'm grateful for my life. I'm grateful for the challenges I have been through, yes even the ones that felt dark at the time, because they all brought me right here to this point. I'm grateful for every broken heart that led me to my husband. I'm grateful for every rough day that ends in a cuddly night with my daughter and even more grateful for the smooth days that follow. I'm grateful to get to hold my girls tight. I'm grateful for this time at home with them. I'm grateful to be gaining more confidence about returning to work. I'm grateful to know each bit is its own season. I'm grateful to be moving forward in trust.

I do not know your story. I do not know your challenges. It could be health related, relationship, or something completely different. Whatever it is, is it worth the reward? Can you find a reward worthy to make the challenge feel smaller? 

May today remind us we have survived every challenge so far. May we find beauty in the reward and know when to change course when it isn't worth it. Have a beautiful day!

As the state and city begin making plans for re-opening there are a lot of questions and uncertainty. Divided beliefs on whether or not it is safe to re-open and to what extent rings out from every outlet. 

Who will re-open and when? Who will attend and with what precautions? I have gotten survey after survey in my email as every place from my girls' swim school to the local children's museum to our bank try to get an idea when people will return for business. Meanwhile, I find myself searching for the same information on when I can safely assist my clients again without much guidance from the organizations that were full of leadership in shutting us down.

The financial hardship caused during this pandemic is having impacts on every level. My daughter's school has decided to close permanently. It was a beautiful school where teachers were like extended family and the loss cuts deep for me, and more so for my preschooler who is already struggling with her world being turned upside down. When she asks where her friends will go and who will be her teacher now I have no answers. 

I sit in this place of discomfort knowing I am at a crossroads. I could change everything going forward or nothing. I have been given an opportunity and yet I have not got the sleep or focus to make clear decisions. It is sitting in the midst of a hurricane and being asked, "Which flooring do you want when you rebuild your home? Will the cabinets be painted?" 

Part of me feels stuck. The other part of me whats to race around and "fix" everything with any plan I can find just to not feel this discomfort and uncertainty. But what if I just sit with this feeling? What happens if I don't stuff it or brush it aside OR cling to it? What if I just feel it? 

When I actually sit and say, "I don't know..." then I feel a small whisper calling,"yet". When I just sit and allow myself to feel the overwhelm and fear...it actually starts to melt away. Not because I have a solution or because I am covering it up but rather because deep down, when I allow myself to hear it, I have a deep trust.

It is a trust in the river continuing to flow even as its course is changing. It is a trust in things moving forward however they are meant to move. It is a trust in myself to make the best choices from what presents itself and trusting that the path will present itself. It is a trust that I am not in this alone but rather am so very supported by so many loving and wonderful people in my life. It is a trust that I am brave enough to make changes that need made even if it makes waves. It is a trust that this storm will pass like every one that has come before. And it is a trust that everything happens for a reason and this will help me make changes and navigate my best course. It is a trust that sitting in discomfort for a little while will ultimately bring me the joy and peace I was seeking. 

I'm grateful to just sit. I'm grateful to allow the feelings to flow. I'm grateful to hear that little voice whispering the most important word, yet. I'm grateful for trust. I'm grateful for all the support and love I'm blessed with each day. I'm grateful for health. I'm grateful for options. I'm grateful to see so many paths laid out in front of me and knowing that it is my choice which way to go. I'm grateful to pause and make the next steps consciously and purposefully.

What are you sitting with today? What whispers do you hear? What do you trust?

May today remind us we have survived one hundred percent of our challenges so far. May we have confidence and trust as we make our next steps. May we find support at each turn. Have a beautiful day!

Isn't it funny how we can get so focused on the problem that we forget to take a step back and allow the answer to show itself? Maybe this doesn't happen to you but it happens to me from time to time.

I know that my body communicates a wealth of information to me. It tells me what I need and what is out of balance. And when I ignore or neglect this knowledge my body "speaks" louder.

There has been a stye on my eye for over a month. I have tried the warm compresses and gentle massage. I even got it to open up twice only to have it remain. In fact, it was even bigger.

The eye, not surprisingly, represents our perspective of the world and what we choose to see. So I did my best to focus more on gratitude and try to bring some fun and laughter into my days. Yet the stye remained and I kept asking myself, "What am I not seeing?!"

I love the symbolism I find all around me. I love connecting the dots to find the spiritual aspect of imbalances when they show up. It gives me a sense of power over the path I choose and it feeds my sense of connection to something higher. But sometimes I have to laugh at how my mind takes over rather than letting intuition and spirit guide the symbolism.

About a week ago I let myself have a big cry. Some people call it ugly crying but really it is the most beautiful release we can give ourselves sometimes. I let go of trying to find the positive and trying to make myself feel the good of the situation and I gave in to a much needed sob-fest. 

The next day I felt like the stye was a little smaller but I ignored that and focused on the fact that it was still there. Another day passed and I gave myself a chance to admit that perhaps holding back all those tears was the message behind the stye. Perhaps it was time to release and find some emotional balance. Over the last few days I have let a few tears fall when they needed. I didn't hold back until my girls were napping or turn away to wash my face in the sink. I just let them fall. It turns out that when I do that, it only lasts a moment rather than an hour. The stye is almost gone.

No matter how much I "know" there is always room to grow. 

I'm grateful for this stye. I'm grateful for a good cry. I'm grateful to see the need to allow myself these releases in the moment rather than holding back for later. I'm grateful for my husband's patience and hugs. I'm grateful to be open and honest with my preschooler when she saw a few tears fall so she can learn a healthy connection to allowing her feelings. I'm grateful to be learning this connection myself. I'm grateful to be retraining and allowing. 

What is your body telling you? What imbalances are waiting to be freed? What is your relationship to your emotions?

May today allow us to embrace the many emotions that surface. May we find balance and listen to the messages our body is sending. May we step out of our heads and allow the spiritual messages to flow. Have a beautiful day!

Everything in life is a cycle. There are cycles of grief, cycles of acceptance, cycles of ebb and flow to every aspect and every area of life. Today was a day of emotion and feeling the backward slide. I could say it was the interrupted night of sleep or the girls' nap times not lining up or the heartbreak of the baby getting hurt but in reality it went deeper. 

My emotions are part of the cycle as I integrate in this new reality. Even though the shelter-in-place has been going on for a while now there are still new aspects and new stresses being added in as the time stretches on. I have to keep reminding myself to give myself some grace, to forgive myself for the areas I am not at my best today and give myself a little extra patience.

I'm grateful to recognize the process. I'm grateful to know this cycle will move through as fast as I allow and faster because I allow. I'm grateful to know I am resilient and my family is resilient as a team. I'm grateful to take time to breathe and do what I need. I'm grateful to be conscious of the additional factors that playing a role in this cycle. And I'm grateful to still say, "I'm grateful."

What areas need your forgiveness today? What part of the cycle are you moving through as we navigate this new reality?

May today give us grace. May we give ourselves forgiveness and patience. May we allow the cycles without fight. Have a beautiful day!

I am no stranger to monkey-mind, that chaotic mental chatter that goes on inside. For a few years I had a pretty good handle on it because I meditated several times a day. Then I had kids... 

It's interesting that probably the time meditation is needed most is when you have little ones around, keeping patience as you explain for the fourteenth time today why they cannot use sharpies instead of their washable markers. 

For me, personally, the mental chatter is worse as a mom anyway. I'm sure a good portion of it is lack of adequate sleep. Yet there is a plenty of mom guilt (self-inflicted) with an added layer of mom-shaming from supposedly supportive facebook groups and outsiders. The combination of the two has been known to draw some tears from my tender heart and today was one of those days.

Interestingly thirty minutes after I got mom-shamed I got an email from someone saying what an amazing mom I was, completely out of nowhere. We all make mistakes but we also have our strengths and our successes. It is harder for me to mentally balance and recognize both sides when I am tired so I did my best to reflect on concrete moments. 

This weekend was full of moments of my older daughter asking for special mommy time. She was in need of some extra love and attention. Happily I was able to give it to her most of the times when she asked. This special time included going for a nature walk. As we explored the trail we found some acorns and set a buffet on a log "table" for the nearby squirrels. We watched the creek flowing and we ran along the top of the dam. We also had some yoga time and chose a new focus word for the week, "patience". 

I got several moments of time with my little one too, enjoying her laughter and smiles. 

There were moments I could see where I could have done "better". There were things I could see I needed to shift tactics to get out of a rut with my headstrong preschooler. But overall, I am a good mom. 

I'm grateful to recognize the mental chatter and its link to exhaustion. I'm grateful for a loving husband to bring me back when I take others' words to heart. I'm grateful to know that my girls think I am a good mom. I'm grateful to know I am doing my best even if that looks different day to day. I'm grateful to see when I can make shifts and changes and where I feel I am on the right track. I'm grateful for the beautiful email tonight that was so kind and up-lifting. I'm grateful for the special time with my girls and especially to get outdoors in nature. I'm grateful to see the need to make more time this week for mediation and me time as the mental chatter grows.

How do you recognize when the mental chatter is getting too loud? What does your monkey mind try to tell you? How do you redirect when the chatter goes negative?

May today be filled with supportive and loving dialogue. May we move towards where we want to be while giving ourselves grace in the moments we feel we fell short. Have a beautiful day!

Children are such a great way to get a better look at ourselves. Not only do they provide a physical reflection but also chances to hear our own words coming back at us. They model themselves after us and we get to take a very real, very raw look at our own habits, words, and interactions through this imitation.

Sometimes this reflection is hard to witness, like when an irritated tone snaps back words I know I have said. Other times this reflection gives us a glimpse of what we're doing right, like my three year old saying "oh, excuse me." at the store when she realizes she's in the way of a shopper. There are moments of denial when I say "nah, she must get that from her dad." And then there are moments like this afternoon when all I can do is laugh because this beautiful mess is so much her mama. 

In the middle of dancing this afternoon my daughter realized she had to go potty. She was running in to the bathroom but turned back to tell me something and ran right into the doorway. Whimpering she came walking back because she needed a hug only to stop two feet from me because she saw a piece of glitter! I could only laugh at what a perfect mini mirror she is of myself and laughed harder at her sweet confusion as she asked why I was laughing. How many times have I asked that? Oh how I love this child!

Children give us the mirror for the ability to choose what we want to change and what we want to love and accept as is. I want to teach her to have good self-care, self-esteem, and self-control but I do this by modeling not by talking about it. So these have become my own priority as well.

Children provide a glimpse of our own imperfect perfection so we can embrace being ourselves. We can laugh at ourselves when we do something silly and we can bask in our own weirdness. 

I'm grateful for this beautiful mirror. I'm grateful how accurate a reflection she is for me. I'm grateful to see where I need to take more time to model virtues. I'm grateful to laugh at my own follies. I'm grateful to have a tough child to balance the doorway crashes and stubbed toes. I'm grateful to love this child so much and to learn how to give this same love to myself. I'm grateful to do my best and give myself space to change as well.

What does your mirror show? Who provides the best glimpse of you? How do you embrace this gift?

​May we see the beauty in our own reflection. May we change the world by changing ourselves. Have a beautiful day!

As I reflect back over the day I can honestly say I mom-ed like a boss. I really felt like I had it together today.

I kept my cool through many, many crabby remarks and three-nager attitude from my preschooler. I shoveled the front steps and a path of the driveway for visitors to make their way up even as the snow was still falling. I hosted a playdate with four other kiddos, made everyone breakfast, and had activities prepared.

After that I fed my girls and got them both down for nap, got the house picked up, ran the dishwasher, then prepared the "snowman" eggs (hardboiled egg with black olive eyes and carrot nose) my daughter requested for her snack day at school tomorrow. I followed that up by a quick workout and then collected the trash and recycling and took it to the curb before heading out to work.

Am I bragging? Yeah, I guess I am a little bit. I have had several "parenting fail" moments in the last couple weeks and I have been honest about the missteps so I'm definitely taking credit for this "success". But what is success really?

When it comes to being a parent there isn't really a clear line of success and failure. The "scoring" line is in our own mind. What I have found is that success is more in how it feels. It wasn't the volume of stuff I got done today that made it a success, it was doing it and not feeling overwhelmed or overly stressed. Success was going through the day feeling good about the flow I was in and catching some adult conversation time with mom friends in the process. 

I'm grateful for a successful day. I'm grateful to say "I'll do that if..." and the Universe offered it to me as asked. I'm grateful to get some perspective from my friends. I'm grateful to keep my calm with my daughter while mentally observing and trying to find long term solutions. I'm grateful to get to host friends. I'm grateful my daughter did a pretty good job with sharing and playing with her friends. I'm grateful for a little mess in the name of art. I'm grateful to be in the flow and just try to stay in the moment and do whatever I could do. 

How do you gauge your success? How does success feel?

May we celebrate the "wins" in each situation. May we gauge our successes only on ourselves and how it makes us feel and let comparisons go. Have a beautiful day!

I am not my best self every day. I think part of being human is having some days where we succeed beautifully, some days we fall hard, and a bunch of days where we coast somewhere in between. Even within a day we can experience all three of these outcomes as we march graciously-human through this life.

Depending on which snapshot I want to take of this particular day I could say I crashed hard, coasted graciously, or even had moments of beautiful success. Part of me would love to just dust the falls behind me and say what a beautiful day it was while there is another part of me that gets a little hung up on those falls. In truth, today I needed both to show me the progress I have been making.

I'm grateful to have my new rowing machine. I'm grateful to be putting forth a renewed effort into exercising. I'm grateful to not wait for until a "new year" but rather set my goals and progress today. I'm grateful for the moments I excelled at being a mom today. I'm grateful for the moments I was able to connect with my daughter and redirect both of us to positive solutions. I'm grateful for my falls today too because they show me how far I have come. I'm grateful to suddenly notice how all the small changes I have been making have accumulated and even these falls weren't as far. I'm grateful for great friends and supportive family.

How was your day? Were there bumps among the highlights or was it a smooth road today? What is one thing you are proud of yourself for today?

​May today remind us that there is beauty in all the aspects of being human. May we learn from our falls and build our successes. Have a beautiful day!

I had one of those moments this evening where I just had to laugh at myself. I was driving and letting my mind wander over the idea that this year is almost over. It has been a big year of change with pregnancy and then the addition of our youngest daughter.

There is a little over a month until 2020 and these last weeks always fly by with the holidays. In my mind I was beginning to formulate what my 2020 theme would be and what key words and pictures might capture that in my new year's vision board. I reflected on the parts of my vision board from this year that I manifested and which I let go.

Notice I did not say which things I am still trying to manifest. As I thought on my current vision board I have written off the things not carried out. It isn't that I feel I'm giving up on them but rather my priorities and vision have changed from when I made the board in January. Instead I am looking forward to the next one in January.

Wait! This is that moment I had to give a chuckle. If my vision board is no longer fitting and I already have clear ideas and intentions of what I want to shift to next...why am I waiting?! Why is a date on the calendar dictating when I begin?

Every moment of every day is an opportunity to create what we desire. I know this. I have said this a hundred times! So why am I waiting? Time to move forward whether it is January first or not. My "new year" starts now.

I'm grateful to laugh at myself. I'm grateful to see the humor in this lapse. I'm grateful to envision my future and put that vision in physical form. I'm grateful for the beautiful changes that happened this year and I'm grateful for how it shifted me and my goals. I'm grateful for all the visions I achieved or am moving toward already and I'm grateful to let others go that no longer suit my dreams. I'm grateful to start my new year now.

What are you waiting to do? Why are you waiting? How can you take the first step today?

May today be the mark of an opportunity seized. May we take the steps needed to go after our dreams. Have a beautiful day!