As an early Mother's Day and Father's Day present my husband and I got new hammocks. They store a little larger than a camp chair but come with easy-to-set-up poles, hammock, bug screen, sun shade, and even a tent that pitches over the top. It is the perfect gift for us.

In honor of our new gifts and just because we have decided to take the next two days "off". Obviously I am already off work as I still cannot work due to the Covid-19 closures.. But my husband is going to take off working from home and we are going to have a mini vacation.

It feels good to even just say that word, "vacation". Where would you go if you could take a vacation anywhere? What if you had to leave today and couldn't leave your state; what would your destination be? And if you couldn't leave home but were planning your perfect home "vacation" day; what would you do?

I'm grateful to take a few days together. I'm so grateful for our new hammocks. I'm grateful to take tomorrow off from even this blog to enjoy some electronics free time. I'm grateful for our girls' love of the outdoors. I'm grateful to see what unfolds. And I'm grateful we get to share this time together. 

May today remind us that "vacation" can be as simple as a mindset away. May we all be fortunate enough to take an away-from-home vacation soon. Have a beautiful day and weekend!

This weekend I took extra time and care to work on my mental health. A week of little sleep and anxiety driven nights listening to my little one wailing as she fought sleep had taxed my nerves. Perhaps it is the PTSD or perhaps it is just the anxiety of a mom but when my baby wails and I cannot fix or even figure out the problem it frazzles me like nothing else. 

Practicing focusing on my feet rooted to the floor helped to keep me centered. Taking slow deep breaths and visualizing the air coming in and out kept me calmer. It gave me a distraction while keeping my anxiety down so that my anxiety wasn't another contributing factor in my daughter's struggles. I was able to remain being there for her and holding her as she needed. 

I practiced asking for what I needed. I know, I know, crazy right?! I didn't assume my husband would know, I spelled it out for him. And he made it happen. What did that look like? It looked like me laying in a hammock on the deck for thirty minutes alternating between staring up through the trees at the clouds drifting by and doing a word search. 
 
Today I treated myself to a great big salad. I realize this may not sound like a treat to some people and if you had told me a couple years ago that I was going to say that I would have said you were crazy. Yet in a time where I grocery shop only every three weeks and buy mostly foods that can be frozen, salad is a treat. 

I'm grateful to take care of myself. I'm grateful to use the tools I have to keep centered. I'm grateful to see how my anxiety was driven and how it may even be compounding the situation for my daughter. I'm grateful to be able to be with her in her time of need. I'm grateful to focus and breath. I'm grateful to visualize tree roots. I'm grateful for a vivid imagination. I'm grateful for hammock time and good food. I'm grateful for my husband. I'm grateful for myself and to voice my needs. 

What do you do when you are feeling frazzled? What are your triggers? What is your "zen" activity or visualization?

May we remember the importance of taking care of ourselves. May we voice our needs and have them met. Have a beautiful day!

Isn't it funny how we can get so focused on the problem that we forget to take a step back and allow the answer to show itself? Maybe this doesn't happen to you but it happens to me from time to time.

I know that my body communicates a wealth of information to me. It tells me what I need and what is out of balance. And when I ignore or neglect this knowledge my body "speaks" louder.

There has been a stye on my eye for over a month. I have tried the warm compresses and gentle massage. I even got it to open up twice only to have it remain. In fact, it was even bigger.

The eye, not surprisingly, represents our perspective of the world and what we choose to see. So I did my best to focus more on gratitude and try to bring some fun and laughter into my days. Yet the stye remained and I kept asking myself, "What am I not seeing?!"

I love the symbolism I find all around me. I love connecting the dots to find the spiritual aspect of imbalances when they show up. It gives me a sense of power over the path I choose and it feeds my sense of connection to something higher. But sometimes I have to laugh at how my mind takes over rather than letting intuition and spirit guide the symbolism.

About a week ago I let myself have a big cry. Some people call it ugly crying but really it is the most beautiful release we can give ourselves sometimes. I let go of trying to find the positive and trying to make myself feel the good of the situation and I gave in to a much needed sob-fest. 

The next day I felt like the stye was a little smaller but I ignored that and focused on the fact that it was still there. Another day passed and I gave myself a chance to admit that perhaps holding back all those tears was the message behind the stye. Perhaps it was time to release and find some emotional balance. Over the last few days I have let a few tears fall when they needed. I didn't hold back until my girls were napping or turn away to wash my face in the sink. I just let them fall. It turns out that when I do that, it only lasts a moment rather than an hour. The stye is almost gone.

No matter how much I "know" there is always room to grow. 

I'm grateful for this stye. I'm grateful for a good cry. I'm grateful to see the need to allow myself these releases in the moment rather than holding back for later. I'm grateful for my husband's patience and hugs. I'm grateful to be open and honest with my preschooler when she saw a few tears fall so she can learn a healthy connection to allowing her feelings. I'm grateful to be learning this connection myself. I'm grateful to be retraining and allowing. 

What is your body telling you? What imbalances are waiting to be freed? What is your relationship to your emotions?

May today allow us to embrace the many emotions that surface. May we find balance and listen to the messages our body is sending. May we step out of our heads and allow the spiritual messages to flow. Have a beautiful day!

Today I gave in to the dark side. No, not the dark thoughts or depression or a dark mood. I gave in to sleep. 

It was bound to happen eventually. Several nights in a row of really rough nights for both my girls meant only a couple hours of sleep for me here and there. This is nothing new; it comes in waves and has been a common result of motherhood in our home. 

I normally got to bed around 9:30 and get up around 6 with at least one or two interruptions from children in between. On a typical night those interruptions last fifteen to thirty minutes and then I am back in my bed ready to slip back into sleep. On occasion my anxiety impedes me falling back to sleep for another hour or so.

My oldest daughter has had a rough month with nightmares and needing someone to lay with her until she falls asleep and given all that has been turned upside down in her life lately, we have done our best to give her this comfort. I'm working with the baby to break the habit we got in of her nursing to sleep and it was going well until a few nights ago. 

Last night was the third night in a row of very little sleep and it was the roughest of all. I didn't make it upstairs until almost ten and the baby was awake before I even laid down. She was up until midnight, crying and fighting sleep whenever I tried to lay her down in the crib. I tossed and turned trying to shut off my mind from running through the million possibilities that could be causing her distress and eventually drifted into a fitful sleep. At 2:50 a.m. she was back awake until around 3:30. I had just drifted off when my older daughter came in needing me to lay with her and at the same time I heard the baby starting to stir over the monitor again. 

I escorted my preschooler back to bed and told her I would lay with her for a couple minutes but then I needed to go check on the baby. I lay down snuggled with my first baby... That is the last thing I know until my daughter woke me at 6:15 because she was ready to get up for morning. I had not checked on the baby. I had not even moved. My hand was painfully asleep and all I could do was laugh at how hard I had crashed. 

My body knew what it needed and it took over. It shut down my mind from worrying. It shut down my ears from knowing if the baby was calling (though thankfully my husband said he had not heard her fussing any more over the monitor and had thought I was camped out in the baby's room because she was quiet). I succumbed to the dark room and the ocean sounds lulling me. And it was wonderful!

Today is Earth Day and while I would usually be out hiking a park the cool, rain-any-second weather has encouraged me to stay in and craft with my girls. I do love crafts! It looks like Mother Nature knew I needed a little extra relaxation today...and by the look of the clouds maybe a little bit more time "on the dark side". Haha!

I'm grateful to wake up a little rested at least. I'm grateful my body took over. I'm grateful to believe that the baby slept and had not been alone and in duress. I'm grateful for my husband's reassurance to release any guilt that may have tried to creep in. I'm grateful to get to snuggle my eldest. I'm grateful for soothing ocean sounds. I'm grateful for the dark, deep restful place I slipped into. I'm grateful that a hot shower woke my mind, body, and especially my hand. I'm grateful to be enjoying a calm Earth Day with lots of crafts. 

What gifts do you receive when you let go? What does it look like to "give in"? What did your Earth Day bring?

May we celebrate this beautiful Earth and all she gives us. May we allow our bodies and minds to meet the needs we have in order to stay healthy. Have a beautiful day!

Last night brought the little sleep but lots of cuddles that motherhood frequently brings. I will admit the lack of sleep had me a bit impatient this morning and yes, a little grumpy. While I love the snuggles and those precious moments with my girls it takes its toll.

Thankfully I am "armed" with a whole bag full of resources. Usually after the baby's morning nap we either do a dance party or an obstacle course to get some energy out before lunch. Today I was more in the mood for yoga as my energy was dragging. 

My preschooler recently re-discovered my Laughter Yoga Big Book of Exercises. She really likes taking my big book of kids yoga exercises and flipping through to create her own flow. So I offered her the same option with my Laughter Yoga book today. 

In just five minutes of hearty laughter exercises I was feeling refreshed and re-energized. Of course, we didn't stop after only five minutes; we worked our way through a third of that big book! After lunch and getting both girls down for nap, doing my course work, doing some photo editing as well as assisting my husband with some things I can feel my energy starting to sag again. But I still have time for a quick breather and I know I can bring my energy back up with a little silliness and help from my girls.

I'm grateful for laughter. I'm grateful to just be silly. I'm grateful for the ways my girls keep me young. I'm grateful for all the resources I have picked up on my unusual journey. I'm grateful for all the trails I have explored. I'm grateful for Laughter Yoga and the great community it brought me. I'm grateful to pass on this tool to my girls. I'm grateful for their laughter and even for their looks of "she's lost her mind" that spur my own laughter. I'm grateful for this beautiful life.

When was the last time you had a good, long, loud laugh? Who could you call and share a laugh with today?

May today remind us laughter is the best medicine. May we keep taking those deep breaths and deep laughs that keep our body, mind, spirit, and lungs healthy. Have a beautiful day!

This weekend was a great reminder for me to not just look for the signs but accept the signs. One challenge I face repeatedly is remembering to ask for help when I need it. I don't know why I struggle in this department as I am quick to offer help to everyone else and remind them there is no weakness or shame in getting help...yet for some reason I forget to ask for myself.

Luckily, this weekend, I didn't have to ask. I only had to follow the signs and accept the beauty being offered. I got to work child-free in my garden. I got to play cards with my husband. I got to take steps to take care of me. 

I didn't ask for it but I did accept when it was offered. While I was out in the garden a cardinal flew into my garage. Cardinals, for me, represent my loved ones that have passed on, especially my grandparents. It was a beautiful sign to remember that even in this quarantine time we are all going through, I am still supported. Family and that love flows even over this distance and perceived (and physical) gap between us. 

Try as I could to help guide this beautiful cardinal out of my garage gently I only seemed to be getting her more frazzled. I know that feeling myself. So I asked myself what I would need if I were feeling overwhelmed with pressure. I gave her space and of course she worked it out on her own. 

I also received a call this weekend. I was offered a great opportunity to "better" myself with the help of several talented professionals... for free! I put better in quotes because it isn't that I think there is something wrong with me but that I have goals to meet that I would love some help achieving. I will be taking steps to build a new version of myself that is a little more balanced. Of course, I said yes!

I'm grateful for all the offers of help. I'm grateful to say yes! I'm grateful for all the signs of guidance and comfort. I'm grateful to feel uplifted just by taking these first steps toward balancing my life. I'm grateful to my husband and family who helped this weekend in giving me a little space. I'm grateful for the rain and to get to work in my garden while it was still muddy (my favorite). I'm grateful for all the flowers and all the worms. I'm grateful to be saying yes and taking steps forward.

What can you say yes to today? Where would you like some additional balance? What are the signs offering you?

May today remind us we are supported. May we see the signs and say yes to all the beautiful opportunities. Have a beautiful day!

Today I am drawing on something I learned several years ago. I read a positive psychology article about the power of planning a vacation. The article said feelings of happiness increased just by planning a trip and that happiness was actually higher in the planning a trip than actually taking it. Basically taking the trip added the stress element of hiccups in the plan and the stress that travel can bring. 

Well I am sitting in a great place then! We all are. We have plenty of time to dream and plan that trip we want to take. So today, I dream! I plan big! I imagine that month long trip with my family in our new tent or, hey, maybe that camper we have been dreaming about will be added. 

At the same time I am looking back through old pictures. For Christmas I got a picture frame, one of those huge picture frames that holds like 24 pictures. I decided it would be fun to add some of my first born's baby pictures into the frame as well as the recent photos. It is always fun seeing how similar the girls looked at different stages. 

I'm grateful to use some creativity to boost the mood. It may be raining outside but on my vacation it will be sunshine and cool breezes! I'm grateful for something to help my mind wander. I'm grateful for my girls that keep the days so busy. I'm grateful for all the beautiful pictures we have of our girls. I'm grateful for strong genes that make it fun to see the stages of each girl. I'm grateful for their differences too. I'm grateful for time to think and space to dream.

Where would you go if you could go anywhere? What pictures bring you joy? Do you have them up where you can easily see them?

May today remind us to keep dreaming and imagining our best life. May we dream bigger and love deeper as we re-emerge in the world. Have a beautiful day!

Yesterday's tears and time outside seems to be just what I needed to bring me back to center. My husband and I took some rare time last night and today to re-evaluate some things and figure out where we stand. I don't mean for ourselves, but financially and emotionally. 

It is always good to have these times to practice asking for what we need. For me it was help with both girls getting up multiple times a night so that I could try and catch a little sleep. It was also about knowing how we stand financially if the shelter-in-place continues longer than planned. And it was good to hear that the areas my husband was needing some relief were areas I could actually help. And I don't just mean being able to teach him how to do a proper drumroll on a child's drum set...though that happened too and I was proud to get to teach him.

It was good to sit down and figure out our priorities. It was good to re-evaluate what is helping our preschooler most to cope with her world being upside down. It was good to make a plan and be on the same page. But most of all it was just good to have that time to reconnect and remember that we are a team.

I'm so grateful for my husband. I'm grateful he is my rock. I'm grateful to be his sunshine, or do my best at being that positive light at least. I'm grateful to know his love for our family is as strong as my own. I'm grateful to have a plan and feel steady on my feet again. I'm grateful for the ways we are so very different and the ways we are the same that makes us a great team. I'm grateful for my family and friends that also are a huge support even from afar.

What needs re-evaluated in your life? Where do you need some assistance and who can help you? 

May today remind us to ask for the help we need even if we don't know how that help will come. May we trust in our loved ones and our communities as we work together to rise back up from our challenges. Have a beautiful day!

I got another wonderful life lesson from my preschool age daughter today. We were playing one of those Facebook games where you ask your kid questions. How old is your mom? Fifteen. If you could go anywhere, where would you go? The zoo! 

The last question of the game was "What will life be like when you're an adult?" My daughter said she would be tall enough to reach all the cabinets. (Apparently I am not an adult yet if this is our standard of measurement...) I asked what she would do if she were tall enough to reach. She replied that she would be able to reach the tv remotes. I laughed and said, "oh so you would be able to watch tv when you wanted." 

Her reply was "no, I would get all the remotes in the whole world and I would push all the buttons but none of them would work. I would just be very frustrated!" "How would you problem solve that?" I asked her. She told me she would just break all the tv's and be sad and mad forever. After a few minutes of trying to talk through this idea with her I finally had to just remind myself to let her have her answer. She was not budging. According to her being mad and sad forever was her only choice. 

It broke my heart. I mean this idea really ate at me. Am I not modeling a positive lifestyle? Does she think I am angry and sad all the time? Was this a manifestation of what she is feeling now and I just can't find a way to connect with her to help her through it? I really let it get me in a funk.

But just like I was telling my daughter that she had a choice, not only in how she responded but in what she could choose to do instead... I ALSO have a choice! I have the choice to not let this silly response eat at me. I have the choice to keep marching along my happy path and modeling that choice. I have the choice to accept that no matter what I model, she is her own person with her own path and it may or may not be the one I would want for her. 

I'm grateful to remember I have a choice. I'm grateful to accept that my daughter is strong enough to choose her own path. I'm grateful to remind myself that my role is to guide and model. I'm grateful to hear my own mom's laughter today as I relayed the story that had me so sad. I'm grateful for that simple reminder that I had the choice to laugh at the silly things a three year old may say rather than take it to heart that this is really the life she will choose twenty years from now. I'm grateful to laugh a little at the silly idea that is and how the mind, if left unchecked, can run down an unproductive path. I'm most grateful to re-route and choose a more positive path for myself.

What will you choose today? What thoughts will you let grow and which will you re-route? 

May today remind us that we all have a choice, no matter what someone else's choices are. May we choose the path that brings us joy. Have a beautiful day!

April Fools Day usually brings at least a couple pranks throughout the day. Perhaps more so for me because I work with my brother and some things don't change as you grow up. It is always good for a laugh. 

This year we are still under a shelter-at-home restriction. We didn't play pranks on each other but we still shared plenty of laughs. My three year old and I even did some Laughter Yoga together to get the laughs really flowing. The baby even joined in with some pretty good belly laughs. 

We enjoyed a fun evening together and reaped the benefit of lots of morning baking. Between blueberry muffins and quiche, pizza and brownies we were well fed. The sun was shining. We enjoyed books, obstacle course, and cheering for each of the girls as they showed off their skills. 

I'm grateful for these moments together. I'm grateful for a fun day of cooking together with my preschooler. I'm grateful for some sweet treats. I'm grateful to get to be here to watch as the baby is SO close to crawling. I'm grateful for what good, sweet sisters they are together. I'm grateful to see their love and adoration of each other. I'm grateful to get to chat with family on the phone today to help (especially) me and my three year old feel connected to our loved ones. I'm grateful to be making the best of the different circumstances this year and find ways to add laughter to our day.

What makes you laugh? How can you find some comic relief in your week? 

​May today remind us the healing power of laughter. May we choose to incorporate the things that bring us joy and balance into each day. Have a beautiful day!