Life lessons tend to be cyclical. They come around as many times as necessary to fully understand them and grow through them. Currently we are working with my preschooler again on "big" feelings. 

In all honesty, I struggle to handle "big" feelings myself and I tend to be a heart-on-the-sleeve, easy-to-tears person. So the fact that I get to help my daughter with this over and over again is really also a chance to help myself learn more skills. 

We got some more books from the library but I made sure to get ones we hadn't read before. The focus right now is coping with what we call "plot twists" as well as moving forward after the unexpected. The phrase of turning the frown upside down seems to show up a lot in these books but it doesn't do justice to the process. Luckily the books do a great job of giving some ideas on how to cheer ourselves back up to jumpstart the conversation with my daughter. 

How do we turn thing around? How do we bounce back? How do we find the rainbow after the storm? 

The thing is, it is different for each person. Some people need a hug after a disappointment. Someone else may need so quiet, alone time to sort it out themselves. Another person may prefer a distraction to remind them other positive things that are going on around them. Even gratitude can play a roll in moving forward or turning it around. 

My rainbow is music, dancing, doing something silly or creative or if it was a particularly challenging moment, a good, strong hug. Sometimes I use humor to pick myself up or calm myself down, though I have been told I have a very sarcastic sense of humor during these times. As long as it is not hurtful, a laugh may help more than just ourselves. 

I'm grateful for the tips in the books. I'm grateful for a starting place to open the conversation with my daughter. I'm grateful to see that everyone is different in what cheers them up and what works for me may not work for my daughter. I'm grateful to share with my daughter but also listen. I'm grateful to know that what works to cheer her one time may not work the next and we may have to do more problem solving. I'm grateful to know she is worth every bit of the "struggle" as we work together to help her find her own rainbows. I'm grateful to do my best each day to guide and model but I'm grateful to also forgive myself when I fall short. 

What turns your day around? What is your rainbow?

​May today remind us that the combination of our differences and our similarities are what makes us stronger. May we work together to build each other up. Have a beautiful day!

I walked outside to check the garden just before lunch today and it was beautiful out! It's been nineties with high humidity lately so I was expecting it to feel sticky. Instead it was overcast with a breeze and according to my watch had only reached the seventies.

The garden, and I use the term loosely as I refer to a bunch of pots and buckets with vegetables, was doing well after last night's rain. Even though we didn't need to stay out to water the garden, my girls and I stayed out playing on the driveway. We stacked rocks, played with crunchy leaves, explored buds getting ready to flower, and the baby enjoyed a good game of throwing a pine cone and then chasing it across the driveway. 

When it was time to go in and get lunch prepared I realized I was just as reluctant as my girls to head inside. "Just five more minutes," I could hear inside my heart. Rather than procrastinate and have overtired and hungry kids at lunch, I changed our plans. A picnic outside was exactly what we needed!

The more I get outside the better I feel. It helps me ground and stay centered. It helps me shake off the fears that creep in with the bombardment of negative news lately. It helps me just be, breathing deeply and relaxing. 

I'm grateful for the cooler, cloudy weather. I'm grateful for the rain last night that nourished my plants. I'm grateful for the fun we had outside without the need to drag out toys. I'm grateful to just sit and enjoy. I'm grateful for the laugh I got watching the baby entertain herself with just a pinecone. I'm grateful for my older daughter's curiosity and love of leaves and flowers and all things nature. I'm grateful that our picnic was almost entirely bug free. I'm grateful my husband even came out to join us for a few minutes. 

When was the last time you had a picnic? When was the last time you got out and interacted with nature?

​May today remind us the healing power of being out in nature. May we find simple joys in something as small as a pinecone or as large as the shape-shifting clouds. Have a beautiful day!

There has been a lot going on in the world lately. While we try to monitor what our preschooler hears and sees we also have to be honest.

She is one of those kiddos whose ears are always on even if they are half a house away. The combination of being an astute observer and listener AND being three, almost four years old means lots of questions. And the questions are often harder than I expected to be dealing with at this age. 

Luckily for me, she loves books! Our library has really been amazing through all this to keep us supplied with reading materials one way or another. Today we picked up another stack of books we had requested. While there are not kids books out yet specifically about Covid, there are plenty about germs and cleanliness. Mostly we have been through those and they proved helpful.

Today's stack was more books about celebrating people's differences, coping with jealousy when it is a sibling's special day, and sharing. Of course, there were also books about other interests like Amelia Bedelia, Dora, creepy crawly things, and chocolate. It is important to be well rounded, after all.

While the books don't cover the specific questions my daughter asks; it gives us a place to start. It helps me find the words to help her understand. It gives me references to use when she asks questions too. "Great question, that is kind of like when (insert book reference)." It seems to help her to know that other people (or crabs, or fictional creatures) have been through this too.

As an added bonus, there is nothing quite as cherished as my girls snuggling on my lap while I read books. It reminds me of reading with my mom. Plus on days like today after a night of each girl waking multiple times, we all need a calm reading day. 

I'm grateful for my little story lovers. I'm grateful to pass on my love of books. I'm grateful to be that mom that will do the different voices and silliness to get into character. I'm grateful for my preschooler's questions that push me to dig deeper myself so I can find the right words. I'm beyond grateful to our amazing library system and staff for all their help. I'm grateful for cuddly moments even in the midst of hard questions.

What do you do to understand and gain insights on everything going on today? Do you use the library? Do you prefer another source of information? 

May today remind us that knowledge is power. May we remember we are not alone even as we navigate a pandemic that is new to us. May we rely on those who came before us and focus on helping the next generation be a generation of love. Have a beautiful day!

In running the 200 meter dash is a sprint but 200 meters of a mile is only a small fraction. Today my oldest daughter turned 200 weeks old. I realize this is a weird milestone that most people would not keep track of but when she was an infant we did weekly photos with her stuffed penguin, Waddles. Now we do weekly photos with her little sister and her sister's stuffed whale, Whalen. 

My oldest child is a great big sister but, understandably, there is a heavy dose of jealousy that crops up from time to time. Weekly photos is one of those times and while my preschooler does a great job of helping get her little sister to smile and we do take her picture sometimes too; I decided a couple months ago to calculate up when the next big "weekly" milestone for my oldest would be. 200 weeks old seems like a lot and yet my daughter is still about eight weeks away from turning four. 

Some weeks have gone fast and some have gone painfully slow. It has been 200 weeks of crash course on motherhood and while some weeks feel like I'm failing, ultimately she is alive and thriving so I'm at least "passing" the course.  Two hundred weeks may feel long in the thick of no sleep and "how do I handle..." but really it is just a small fraction of the long life I hope we have ahead of us together. 

She really is one amazing kid. She amazes me every day by her intelligence, creativity, and strong-will. She has a strength I envy and a mind to back it. We've had bumpy moments as I have grown and learned what she needs in a mom but I could not be more proud of the person I can see her becoming. I just hope I have another 200 weeks or more of snuggles and cuddly book reading together before she decides I am not as cool as I think I am.

I'm grateful for this child that teaches me so much every day. I'm grateful for all her patience as I grow as a mom. I'm grateful for all the lessons I've "passed". I'm grateful for 200 weeks with one of the most amazing girls I know. I'm grateful for these weird milestones and to celebrate her. I'm grateful for pictures to remind me of these special moments. I'm grateful to make sure she knows just how important and special she is, no matter how many siblings or other people come into our lives. I'm grateful for the blessing of my beautiful rainbow baby and to get to watch her grow.

Do you remember where you were 200 weeks ago? What were your goals? What growth have you made? 

May today remind us that what seems like a marathon may be a compilation of many beautiful sprints. May we see that what seems like an exhausting sprint may be just one beautiful moment of a bigger storyline. Either way, may we cherish the moments. Have a beautiful day!

Sometimes we just need a little extra light, whether it be shined on a situation or literally. Today I got both. 

My husband had the day off and took time to cut down a big limb that was touching our bathroom window. It was a pretty major limb so just in making this one cut, light poured into our backyard. It was beautiful! We love the shade from all our big trees but it will be nice to grow grass a little easier too.

I also got lots of "light shining" moments from my preschooler today. She teaches me every day how to be a better mom. Today's topic: jealousy. 

She really struggles with jealousy now that her sister is big enough to get around and demand attention of her own. The lack of social time with her own friends doesn't help either. Yet she begs for another baby brother or sister. 

We talked about how her sister will one day be a big three year old like she is now and she will be an even bigger kid and maybe there would be a baby. I asked her if she thought her sister would be jealous of the new baby. She said yes, so I asked what we could do to help her feel better. My preschooler said, "well I will protect the baby from her when she is feeling mad and you will just put her in timeout and play with her toys." 

Cue sad mommy moment as I searched my mind for a response. Rather than explaining that timeouts were a last resort when someone isn't being safe, I asked my preschooler if there was a better way we could work with her sister to help her feel better.

She said, "well I guess we could just hug her. But mostly she will just be mad all the time." I asked if that was how she felt and of course it is. I agreed that we have both been feeling pretty frustrated lately. I told her I don't like timeout either but I don't know what to do if she is not being safe with her anger. We brainstormed a few ideas and have been testing them out with little success but at least it is a place to start. At least it shed light on how it looks from her perspective so we can find a better way.  

Light shining down doesn't instantly make grass grow. It doesn't instantly solve the problem. But it does allow for the opportunity for that growth and change. 

I'm grateful for the opportunity. I'm grateful to keep trying. I'm grateful to work each day to be the best mom I can be during this very emotional time for my preschooler. I'm grateful to have a wealth of resources at my fingertips. I'm grateful for how articulate my child is so we can work together to build a positive relationship. I'm grateful for some extra light on the yard. I'm grateful for all my husband's hard work.

What areas of your life could use a little extra light? What helps you see a different perspective?

​May today open our ears to other voices. May we allow the light to bring new growth. Have a beautiful day!

I've gotten in the habit of taking the reigns on my preschool-age daughter's schedule. To some extent it is necessary but I have noticed myself getting overly attached to doing everything on my schedule. In reality, most of these things can be a little more fluid. 

As you may have guessed if you have ever been around a three year old, she hasn't been taking it well. She really likes making her own decisions and having control. Toddler level options are not enough to appease my precocious child.

It will take some effort and practice getting back to a balance. Today offered several options to practice. I did not succeed at all of them but it was good practice all the same. 

During her sister's nap times she gets some special one on one time with me. The first nap is set aside for art and sensory things to do together. Partly this is because it is when we were doing some preschool stuff during the Spring and that translated to art or sensory play. The second nap is for Barbies, imaginative play, or on occasion a book or reading game on my kindle.

Anyway, the first nap rolled around and my daughter wanted to do a puzzle... a Kitty puzzle. Well we do not own a kitty puzzle so I suggested we make one. I got out some construction paper and we started talking about what shapes we would need to make a cat. I started drawing the shapes and she volunteered to cut them out for me. Perfect! 

Thirty minutes later we had shapes for a cat, dog, person and doghouse. She decided it would be better to Glue the pieces on a page together so her baby sister couldn't mess them up or eat them. Luckily, I have a whole roll of paper just for such purposes so we got that out. Then, of course, the picture needed some grass and crayon accents. It was a lot of fun watching the project grow and emerge. It was nice to just sit back and say "okay, let's do that!" 

Now as I hold on to that feeling of how nice it felt to release the control and just go with the flow, hopefully I can remember to let go of more things. I can use it as my guide to remember to follow rather than lead. And most importantly give my daughter back some of her control and independence that she has well earned.

I'm grateful for the reminder to let go. I'm grateful for how much fun we had creating together. I'm grateful to see how awesome my daughter's cutting skills have gotten as she cut out more and more complex shapes. I'm grateful for her own pride and joy as she watched her ideas manifest. I'm grateful to recognize the places I still have room to grow and do my best. I'm grateful for a child that is such a great teacher as I grow as a parent. 

Where does your life improve from letting go and letting someone else lead? Where does your life need a little more of you in charge?

May we find the balance that suits each of us. May we remember growth is part of life and be willing to out in the work to make change. Have a beautiful day!

Today was a challenging day, mostly because I got less than three hours of sleep last night. Teething is a rough time for the whole family and, while we banded together pretty well today, it was clear we were all lacking sleep.

My husband and I powered through as parents do; making an extra effort to consciously respond patiently and with understanding as the kids melted down time after time after time. When bedtime arrived our routine was thrown off by some damage being caused to our property while we were gone this evening. While my husband dealt with that I took on both girls' bedtime routines, praying for a quick easy time since they were both tired. There were a few hiccups and meltdowns. The baby stuck it out for nearly an hour of wailing but has finally drifted off, at least for the time being.

It is hard to drag my mind through the process of finding the positive side when I truly just want to go to sleep. But what comes to mind is last night's events. The baby screamed for nearly 3 and a half hours straight with nothing helping. I was mentally and emotionally ravaged and felt completely shattered. My husband held me together in a hug for nearly thirty minutes when our daughter finally went to sleep. The visual that came to mind was that of a chrysalis hugging a caterpillar as it morphs into a butterfly.

As I lay in bed after having my own meltdown and "cocooning" I focused on these questions. What do I want to fall away and what do I want to emerge? This was an opportunity. It was a challenge designed to make room for growth. So how will I choose to grow and emerge?

The answers are not simple. They are not going to just happen overnight. But in changing my focus from where I had "fallen short" in my mind to where I could grow, I can begin to let some light into the chrysalis and start my transformation to emerge.

I'm so grateful for my husband. He truly is my rock. I'm grateful he can be the shore that catches me as I crash in. I'm grateful to let the tears fall and accept responsibility and also forgiveness. I'm grateful to be a pretty good mom even as I see all the ways I need to work on myself. I'm grateful for the opportunities for me to grow that come to me through my beautiful children. I'm grateful to try to stay in this place of grace as I focus on the changes I want to make.

What challenges and opportunities for growth are presenting themselves to you? Who has your back? How do you make room for growth?

May today remind us there is no limit of times we get to re-emerge and grow. May we see the opportunities life gives us and make the changes we want to see. Have a beautiful day!

I was offered a rare opportunity today to play solely with my baby. My preschooler gets at least one stretch if not two each day of having my sole attention while her sister naps. The baby unfortunately only gets my attention in the brief time we are doing her bedtime routine, no real play time together without her big sister.

While I am still trying to figure out how to find more of this special connection time with my baby; today I will simply celebrate and cherish the time. My preschooler was off with her dad and at first I wasn't even sure what to do with my little one. She was playing with some toys and I sat next to her and sung a couple songs but still didn't feel like we were connecting. 

Her favorite "toy" right now is the ball pit. We put a little foam stairs and slide over the wall so she could crawl in and out herself. So I called her name and then crawled over to the ball pit. She watched me with a big grin and then gave chase. I crawled up the little steps and let myself dive face-first down the slide like she does into the ball pit. She thought that was great and came tumbling in after me.

Between me and the slide most of the ball pit was taken up but she didn't mind. She was perfectly content to crawl all over me, showing me balls. We threw them and "clapped" them and sung about them. I even squeezed myself through the tunnel as I followed her around playing. It was a beautiful connection and reminded me more than ever how important these moments are and encourage me to find more time for this. 

I'm so grateful to just dive in and be silly. I'm grateful to have this beautiful time with my little one. I'm so grateful for how well she plays by herself but I'm grateful she was willing to let me play too. I'm grateful for the joy she gets from the ball pit. I'm grateful to not mind having to clean up 200 balls for the joy it brings. I'm grateful to also have a preschooler that will help clean up those balls. I'm grateful for special dad-daughter time for my older daughter just as much as I am grateful for the special time with each of my girls. I'm grateful to be blessed to get to be home most of each day so I can have these moments to cherish.

What moments do you cherish? When do you "dive-in" and connect with people?

May today remind us the beauty of the simple moments together. May we make time for those who are most important to us. Have a beautiful day!

Asking for help can be a struggle for me sometimes. So what if I change it up; ask in a different way? Falling back on the minimal knowledge I have in other languages may be the ticket to breaking whatever stigma or negative energy I hold towards asking for help. 

Is this real? Yes and no. I use the technique when I am getting frustrated with my preschooler and needing to tell her something for the hundredth time in ten minutes. Zapatos, por favor. (Shoes, please.) Sietete. (Sit down.) It just kind of mixes it up for both of us rather than hear me say it in english once again. And there is something truly helpful about triggering this other portion of my brain. 

It has even encouraged me to seek out how to say common words and phrases in more languages so I can continue to trigger my higher brain rather than give in to negative energy. So perhaps this same tactic can be used when I am feeling overwhelmed and needing help. Perhaps I can erase the word I struggle with and reconnect to my higher brain function to find another way to ask. Ayudame, por favor.

I'm grateful for random ideas. I'm grateful when they work. I'm grateful to "use my words" as I try to teach my daughter. I'm grateful to ask for help in english tonight and then sit in the tangled process trying to sort its roots. I'm grateful to give myself another option for the days that may be too much to ask myself. I'm grateful for my daughter who helps me grow both in her playful moments and the challenging ones. I'm grateful for basic knowledge of spanish and to be learning some other language phrases too. I'm grateful my child does not know other languages well enough yet to correct my pronunciation. I'm grateful for a supportive, ready to help husband. 

How do you give yourself permission to do something that may be a struggle? Do you ever use other tactics to get around the challenge in the moment?

May today give us grace in navigating hurdles. May we find ways to grow even during challenges. Have a beautiful day!