It's interesting that probably the time meditation is needed most is when you have little ones around, keeping patience as you explain for the fourteenth time today why they cannot use sharpies instead of their washable markers.
For me, personally, the mental chatter is worse as a mom anyway. I'm sure a good portion of it is lack of adequate sleep. Yet there is a plenty of mom guilt (self-inflicted) with an added layer of mom-shaming from supposedly supportive facebook groups and outsiders. The combination of the two has been known to draw some tears from my tender heart and today was one of those days.
Interestingly thirty minutes after I got mom-shamed I got an email from someone saying what an amazing mom I was, completely out of nowhere. We all make mistakes but we also have our strengths and our successes. It is harder for me to mentally balance and recognize both sides when I am tired so I did my best to reflect on concrete moments.
This weekend was full of moments of my older daughter asking for special mommy time. She was in need of some extra love and attention. Happily I was able to give it to her most of the times when she asked. This special time included going for a nature walk. As we explored the trail we found some acorns and set a buffet on a log "table" for the nearby squirrels. We watched the creek flowing and we ran along the top of the dam. We also had some yoga time and chose a new focus word for the week, "patience".
I got several moments of time with my little one too, enjoying her laughter and smiles.
There were moments I could see where I could have done "better". There were things I could see I needed to shift tactics to get out of a rut with my headstrong preschooler. But overall, I am a good mom.
I'm grateful to recognize the mental chatter and its link to exhaustion. I'm grateful for a loving husband to bring me back when I take others' words to heart. I'm grateful to know that my girls think I am a good mom. I'm grateful to know I am doing my best even if that looks different day to day. I'm grateful to see when I can make shifts and changes and where I feel I am on the right track. I'm grateful for the beautiful email tonight that was so kind and up-lifting. I'm grateful for the special time with my girls and especially to get outdoors in nature. I'm grateful to see the need to make more time this week for mediation and me time as the mental chatter grows.
How do you recognize when the mental chatter is getting too loud? What does your monkey mind try to tell you? How do you redirect when the chatter goes negative?
May today be filled with supportive and loving dialogue. May we move towards where we want to be while giving ourselves grace in the moments we feel we fell short. Have a beautiful day!