I remember in my younger days sleep seemed optional. If something better came along I just said yes and found time for a cat nap some other day. It wasn't that big of a deal.

Fast forward to motherhood in my thirties. I'm not sure if it is the age difference or the cumulative lack of sleep of four years of interruptions, most likely both, but sleep has become the award at the end of the day.

Don't get me wrong, I still find all sorts of ways to miss out on it. I choose to watch a movie with my husband after the girls go to sleep or I play online longer than intended. If I'm anywhere near the end of a book, sleep is going to wait.

The difference is I don't bounce back as fast. I drag the next day. Sometimes for multiple days even after a good nights sleep. One of these years I'm going to get a whole week, seven whole nights of uninterrupted sleep. It will be amazing!

Sometimes I plan vacations. Sometimes I dream about what life will look like when my husband and I are retired empty-nesters. Sometimes I fantasize about sleeping through the night and waking refreshed. Oh the changes that age and motherhood can make. 

I'm grateful to feel a little silly today. I'm grateful my daughter has not caught on the the fact that I yawn every time someone else does. I'm grateful that I can turn a yawning fit into a silly game for us to play. I'm grateful my girls seem to be sleepy today too and we can just relax together. I'm grateful for a little chocolate boost to get me through a couple more hours. I'm grateful to allow myself time to meditate and release any judgement that I slept through most of it. I'm also grateful for work alarms. 

What is something that has become more important over time in your life? How much sleep do you get each night? What is your go to pick-me-up?

May we find humor in the choices we make. May we get the sleep we need and still have plenty of time for fun. Have a beautiful day!

Last night's insights were great but those "aha" moments only go so far if I don't take action. So I asked myself what steps I need to take first and foremost to get myself back on track, back in a parasympathetic state. 

I got a little more sleep last night, though that will still need some catching up for a while. When I woke this morning, fifteen minutes before my husband's alarm, rather than lay there restlessly I got up. I went into the hall with my headphones and listened to a meditation. When my mind is monkeying around, it helps to have someone else's voice to follow to get me back into the rhythm. 

After that I did some minimal yoga stretches as I could hear everyone beginning to get up and around. Then I told my preschooler the exciting news; we were going on a hike. We packed out camelbaks with lunch, water, and the usual necessities like a magnifying glass. Once the baby was up from her morning nap we headed out. We just did a half mile loop trail and I took the wagon instead of the baby carrier but it went well.

We had fun exploring along the trail and enjoyed our picnic lunch. It was a great time and for the first time in a long time I wasn't checking my watch to make sure we were on schedule. I just enjoyed being out. Even with the intense heat of the day, we still had a great time!

I'm so grateful to get out in nature. I'm grateful my girls love being outside. I'm grateful to have so many trails near us. I'm grateful to suggest to my husband we make more time to hike and be out in nature as a family, and have him agree. I'm grateful for the insights of yesterday and even more grateful to put them into practice today. I'm grateful to take steps to make myself accountable so I can work to make this into a habit and routine. 

What helps you stay accountable? What helps renew your spirit and calm your mind?

May today spur us into actions that get us a step closer to our goals. May we walk the path in joy and seek gratitude along the way. Have a beautiful day!

This week I am finding the need for more reassurance, more downtime, and more loving interactions. I don't know if it is the alignment of the planets or simply the energy of chaos we have been living in with all the racial and covid divide. Whatever the reason for the need, the Universe is answering.

There was a book I had seen recommended called Rhythms of Renewal (by Rebekah Lyons). I put it on my hold list at the library back in January but there were a few people ahead of me on the list. Then the library shut down. I had completely forgotten about the book until I made our weekly library book pick-up run yesterday. In amongst all the books I had gotten for my girls was an adult book...Rhythms of Renewal. It has been nearly a year since I got myself a library book. I had completely forgotten what it was even supposed to be about. Then I read the tagline.

"Trading Stress and Anxiety for a Life of Peace and Purpose." It felt like a big cosmic hug. It reminded me I am supported and not just by my family and close friends. I've got the universe behind me and I can handle this. I've only read the introduction so far but it feels divinely orchestrated that this book would arrive now. 

It also seems strangely opportunistic that Deepak recently started a new meditation series. It is wildly helpful that my baby slept in the last two mornings which allowed me to get a little extra sleep. It is comforting that the books my daughter wants to read right now are based on Bob Marley songs and very uplifting. The more I look, the more I see how supported I am.

I'm grateful to see the Universe has my back. I'm grateful for all the things that held up me getting this book until now so that I could receive the information at the best time. I'm grateful to have some guided meditations to assist me while my mind is too keyed up to just sit. I'm grateful to just sit with my girls. I'm grateful to use music to give myself a mood boost. I'm grateful for my preschooler's great attitude lately that really helps the day go smoothly. I'm grateful to know I have support and love all around me. 

What helps you feel supported? How is the Universe showing you support? What coincidences are conspiring to help you?

May we see the ways we are supported in so many energetic ways. May we notice all the things that happen for a reason. Have a beautiful day!

I am no stranger to monkey-mind, that chaotic mental chatter that goes on inside. For a few years I had a pretty good handle on it because I meditated several times a day. Then I had kids... 

It's interesting that probably the time meditation is needed most is when you have little ones around, keeping patience as you explain for the fourteenth time today why they cannot use sharpies instead of their washable markers. 

For me, personally, the mental chatter is worse as a mom anyway. I'm sure a good portion of it is lack of adequate sleep. Yet there is a plenty of mom guilt (self-inflicted) with an added layer of mom-shaming from supposedly supportive facebook groups and outsiders. The combination of the two has been known to draw some tears from my tender heart and today was one of those days.

Interestingly thirty minutes after I got mom-shamed I got an email from someone saying what an amazing mom I was, completely out of nowhere. We all make mistakes but we also have our strengths and our successes. It is harder for me to mentally balance and recognize both sides when I am tired so I did my best to reflect on concrete moments. 

This weekend was full of moments of my older daughter asking for special mommy time. She was in need of some extra love and attention. Happily I was able to give it to her most of the times when she asked. This special time included going for a nature walk. As we explored the trail we found some acorns and set a buffet on a log "table" for the nearby squirrels. We watched the creek flowing and we ran along the top of the dam. We also had some yoga time and chose a new focus word for the week, "patience". 

I got several moments of time with my little one too, enjoying her laughter and smiles. 

There were moments I could see where I could have done "better". There were things I could see I needed to shift tactics to get out of a rut with my headstrong preschooler. But overall, I am a good mom. 

I'm grateful to recognize the mental chatter and its link to exhaustion. I'm grateful for a loving husband to bring me back when I take others' words to heart. I'm grateful to know that my girls think I am a good mom. I'm grateful to know I am doing my best even if that looks different day to day. I'm grateful to see when I can make shifts and changes and where I feel I am on the right track. I'm grateful for the beautiful email tonight that was so kind and up-lifting. I'm grateful for the special time with my girls and especially to get outdoors in nature. I'm grateful to see the need to make more time this week for mediation and me time as the mental chatter grows.

How do you recognize when the mental chatter is getting too loud? What does your monkey mind try to tell you? How do you redirect when the chatter goes negative?

May today be filled with supportive and loving dialogue. May we move towards where we want to be while giving ourselves grace in the moments we feel we fell short. Have a beautiful day!

We all have a "breaking" point. We have a point of getting heated up to the level of boiling where we may shout. 

I will admit I have a temper. I struggle sometimes with emotional regulation which is what drew me to meditation in the first place. It provides a haven for me to rebalance. 

Two kids and a hectic schedule do not allow for as much meditation as I would like. Yet finding the time to meditate makes me a better "me", a better mom, and a better human. It allows me that reset of patience and calm.

I love my preschooler to pieces. She is an amazing kid, so smart and funny, precocious and loving. She also has an amazing knack for finding just the right buttons to push. 

I am by no means a perfect mom. But I do my best to respond to my daughter rather than react and I do my best to keep a level, patient voice as best as possible. Unfortunately this usually results in venting to my husband at the end of the day and feeling like I am ending the day on a negative note. 

Awareness is half the battle. Know better, do better. And most of all I think it is important to give myself grace for all the little "wins". Today was full of many little wins as I got practice in responding and that is something to give myself credit for tonight.

I'm grateful to stop the negative spiral and give myself credit for what I did right. I'm grateful to know tomorrow is a new day. I'm grateful to see where I need to take more time for me and for my kids. I'm grateful to notice balance and imbalance in myself. I'm grateful for deep breaths and meditation chants to get me through when I cannot actually stop to meditate. I'm grateful for my husband's patience in my end of day release. I'm grateful to recognize this teapot habit and know I can shift it to something more positive.

What pushes your buttons? How do you recenter? How often do you find yourself becoming the heated teapot?

May today grant us cooling time. May we give ourselves grace for the struggles and celebrate the wins. Have a beautiful day!

It's that time again! That's right, the semi-annual blog about me recognizing I have lost sight of my self-care again. I would say that I don't know why this goal is the hardest for me to keep...but that would be a lie. I know exactly why. It is the result of not choosing to put myself as a priority because there is a preschooler, a new baby, a dog, a husband, a home, laundry, work, clients, and a million other things that I put first. 

In my head tonight I created a beautiful plan for getting self-care every day. It included waking up at 5:30am to get some time as well as staying up a little later to get some time. The catch with this plan is I am exhausted from staying up several times a night with the baby...and the preschooler. So in creating time to do things like yoga and meditation I am effectively reducing my sleep even more which in turn negatively impacts my health and self-care. Haha! Isn't adulthood a fun little game?! 

The need for self-care is definitely rearing its head though so it is time to make some changes. Even if I can't do an hour of self-care each day, I can squeeze in some bits of relaxation here and there to keep my sanity. I can take a nice hot bath on the days both kids nap at the same time. I can make a salad for lunch and commit to actually getting to sit to eat instead of grabbing whatever I can eat with one hand while nursing and doing six other things. And I can ask for some help, a short break, from one of the many people who have offered to watch my kids. 

Instead of continuing to walk around with my mind frazzled and my chest tight with stress, I can practice what I always tell my daughter. I can take a breath. I can use my words. I can ask for help. It's time to ask someone to pass the cucumbers, kick back and relax for a few minutes. And hey, while I'm at it, can you pass the chocolate too? 

I'm grateful for my body's strong and persistent reminder to relax. I'm grateful for all the people offering to help. I'm grateful to realize the cyclic nature of forgetting self-care. I'm grateful to see my excuses for what they are and start shifting my mind to make a change. I'm grateful for humor. I'm grateful for cucumbers...both to eat and to rest my eyes. And I'm definitely grateful for chocolate.

What self-care practices help you stay balanced? What trips up your self-care? How often do you take time for you?

May today solidify our commitment to ourselves. May we take the time we need to keep ourselves healthy, balanced, and happy. Have a beautiful day! 

Today was a busy day complete with school, errands, chores, doctor appointment, and family dinner. My mind ran between to do lists. And thoughts of overwhelm randomly rose to the surface.

In meditation, one practice is to imagine your thoughts are like bubbles floating passed. Imagining them drifting by or even imagining popping them can help to release the attachment and clear thoughts. 

I enjoy bubbles. So the idea of thoughts being bubbles is comforting to me as I playfully pop them. The trouble is finding the time to meditate to play this game. 

I think a lot. I work out scenarios in my head or plan into the future. It is easy to get caught in the thought of what is to come (or sometimes what has already passed). But today's gratitude didn't come from thoughts. Today's gratitude came from the moments in between; the moments of play, the moments of pure love.

I'm grateful to glance over to see my baby smiling at me. I'm grateful to let myself be captivated and sit in that moment smiling at each other. I'm grateful for petting my dog in passing only to succumb to the urge to just stop and continue petting her. I;m grateful for the moments of closing my eyes and welcoming in a big gulp of cool water. I'm grateful for the "yes" moments my daughter provided, like "Mommy will you teach me to skip?". I'm grateful to just listen to my daughter's imagination as she daydreams what it would be like if Daddy were as tall as a light pole. I'm grateful for the pause. I'm grateful for these moments in between that fill my heart.

What do you allow to catch your heart and mind between thoughts? What moments bring you joy?

May we cherish these moments of heart. May we allow these beautiful moments to captivate us and may we just sit in their embrace. Have a beautiful day!

There seems to be some kind of beacon that my energy sends out when I am about to meditate or in some way relax. The beacon travels out and calls to my children. It tells them they need to seek me out urgently and insistently.

I'm still trying to find a good time to meditate as we try to establish some sort of routine with a new baby. Today I made three attempts at meditating. All three were foiled within five minutes. All three attempts were made while the kids, in theory, were sleeping. At one point I checked over the monitor that both children were sound asleep. Neither had changed positions or made noise in nearly ten minutes. It seemed a safe bet they were out. I clicked play on the guided meditation I had chosen and the counter had not even reached two minutes when one was wailing for me and the other stirring. Seriously. 

Tomorrow is National Relaxation Day. Normally I would have planned some time to unwind, meditate, maybe even take a bubble bath. But currently I think the best "relaxation" gift I can give myself is letting go of any plan or attachment to getting a specific block of time to do this. Instead I will try to find relaxation in the little moments; the breathes between needs, the quiet of nursing one child while the other scampers off to choose the next book for us to read. 

In a month or two...or ten, we will have a routine again and I will find moments to fulfill this need. In the meantime I will find other ways to accommodate my self-care while letting go of attachment to how it looks. I will also be exploring how to mute this beacon that seems to alert my children when I try to grab a few minutes to meditate. 

I'm grateful for humor, even dry, to navigate these moments of frustration. I'm grateful to let go of the ideal of how meditation "should" look. I'm grateful to still have gotten a few minutes here and there to recenter. I'm grateful for my husband's help tonight as we continue to work out the messages our new addition is trying to communicate. I'm grateful to just sit and hold her and equally grateful to get out for a walk. I'm grateful for days like tomorrow that remind me to relax and I'm grateful to adjust my mindset to gain that outcome.

How do you like to relax? What are your biggest challenges in making time for self-care? How do you find balance?

May we find a breath of calm in the little moments. May there be enough of those to sustain us. And may we persist in finding ways to include relaxation in our day. Have a beautiful day!

I hear a lot about pregnancy brain, that forgetful fog that settles in during pregnancy. Many women have told me it really doesn't go away after the baby is born and compounds with each child. Perhaps it is hormonal or possibly just lack of good, quality sleep. Either way I feel it settling deep recently.

This morning I was sleeping hard when my husband's alarm went off. This is unlike me for the most part because I tend to be a naturally early riser, but the combination of returning to my bed after vacation, staying up late last night celebrating my anniversary and trying to get the baby in my belly to wind down her jumping jacks to sleep, as well as bed hopping to my toddlers room for a bit as a storm rolled through last night made me a little extra tired. Each element added to my need for sleep and yet increased my joy as well, so it was all worth it.

Yet the fog has settled thick today. It is one of those mornings I could blissfully stare empty minded at the trees dancing in the wind for probably an hour without thinking twice. The beautiful benefit of this fog is that my mind is quiet. I take things as they come. I am slow to react which gives me plenty of time to process. And therefore my stress level stays low. And the best part is that I only really have two things I need to get done today so I can bask in this empty quiet.

I'm grateful for the blessing and beauty of the fog. I'm grateful for the grace of the trees dancing in the wind. I'm grateful to have a wonderful evening with my husband. I'm grateful for all the movement and acrobats my youngest child is performing in my belly. I'm grateful to get to snuggle and comfort my daughter from the noise of the storm because she is growing up so fast and it is nice to have these moments still. I'm grateful she has a bed large enough to accommodate us both comfortably so we can both get some sleep during these times of comfort. And I'm grateful for a day of few demands to just bask in this quiet mental state.

How is your mind this morning? Is it running full speed or is it also taking a quiet seat of observation? There is something to be said for both. What beauty and gratitude can you find in your current state?

May today encompass our needs and may our mind fall in line with the day ahead. Have a beautiful day!

As I return home from a week in nature I feel calm, blessed, and full of love. My family and I had a wonderful trip and even had a day to settle back in at home before fully rejoining the world today. It was wonderful!

To make today even more special, it is my husband and my anniversary. Four years ago today we said "I do" and I am so grateful to have married a man that believes as I do that love is an action to be carried out, not just a feeling in the moment. It is often observable at home in our day to day life but sometimes that gets taken for granted. Out on the road with a toddler and the usual road trip hiccups that come along it is easy to see all the actions of love that we share. 

My amazing husband did the cooking and most the cleaning. We rented a small teardrop trailer for the first time to test out if it was something we would like to purchase moving forward and my husband took care of most the set-up and take-down at each location on our travels. He shared the duty of wearing the hiking carrier when my toddler was too tired and having her on my back was making me too winded. And he rolled with the curves that came our way, like my head cold and my daughter's teething and diarrhea. He helped us to all have a great time and even helped my daughter get passed some of her bug-phobia. I am so blessed to have such a wonderful husband and celebrate another year and many more to come.

Watching my daughter on this trip opened my eyes even more to the duality of a two year old. One moment she was putting on her hiking backpack and declaring she was off on an adventure, bold and brave and seemingly so grown. Then a little while later she was needing snuggles and tired and fingers stuffed in her mouth as she tried to ease the teething pressure. Thank goodness for this duality because while I do not enjoy seeing my child uncomfortable it definitely eased my mommy heart to know she isn't so grown up just yet.

And as for me? The first couple days were a bit rough with my head cold but my husband's help, daughter's excitement, and beauty of nature carried me through. The rest of the trip was just pure beauty and relaxation. For me, the hikes were the best part. Just being out in nature and listening to the soft sounds with my family was so healing. I also enjoyed stopping at the butterfly house and being surrounded by the beauty of so many different types of butterflies all fluttering around us. It is as if nature restored some cracks that had formed through the pressures of everyday life. And now that I feel this peaceful, completeness; I will strive to keep it as my balance and check-in meter as I return to the routine.

I'm so grateful for the week away. I'm grateful I chose to release the responsibility of posting for my blog and just allowing my personal journal to be filled with my gratitude. I'm grateful for all the amazing work my husband did to make this trip go so smoothly and to assist me when I was not at one hundred percent. I'm grateful for my daughter's joy and eagerness to explore. I'm even grateful for the tears she spilled over the return of the camper because it encourages us to take her on these adventures more often. I'm grateful for the peacefulness I feel now as I return to regular life and I'm grateful to have a slower week to return to before diving into some intense pre-maternity leave weeks. I'm grateful to celebrate four years with my husband in marriage and to see how much we have grown and changed in even that short time. I'm grateful our changes enhance our relationship. And I'm grateful for my amazing family that will soon be blessed with one more member. 

What fills your heart? When was the last time you unplugged and stepped into nature? 

May today bring blessings we often overlook and may our eyes be opened to all the beauty around us. Have a beautiful day!