I am no stranger to monkey-mind, that chaotic mental chatter that goes on inside. For a few years I had a pretty good handle on it because I meditated several times a day. Then I had kids... 

It's interesting that probably the time meditation is needed most is when you have little ones around, keeping patience as you explain for the fourteenth time today why they cannot use sharpies instead of their washable markers. 

For me, personally, the mental chatter is worse as a mom anyway. I'm sure a good portion of it is lack of adequate sleep. Yet there is a plenty of mom guilt (self-inflicted) with an added layer of mom-shaming from supposedly supportive facebook groups and outsiders. The combination of the two has been known to draw some tears from my tender heart and today was one of those days.

Interestingly thirty minutes after I got mom-shamed I got an email from someone saying what an amazing mom I was, completely out of nowhere. We all make mistakes but we also have our strengths and our successes. It is harder for me to mentally balance and recognize both sides when I am tired so I did my best to reflect on concrete moments. 

This weekend was full of moments of my older daughter asking for special mommy time. She was in need of some extra love and attention. Happily I was able to give it to her most of the times when she asked. This special time included going for a nature walk. As we explored the trail we found some acorns and set a buffet on a log "table" for the nearby squirrels. We watched the creek flowing and we ran along the top of the dam. We also had some yoga time and chose a new focus word for the week, "patience". 

I got several moments of time with my little one too, enjoying her laughter and smiles. 

There were moments I could see where I could have done "better". There were things I could see I needed to shift tactics to get out of a rut with my headstrong preschooler. But overall, I am a good mom. 

I'm grateful to recognize the mental chatter and its link to exhaustion. I'm grateful for a loving husband to bring me back when I take others' words to heart. I'm grateful to know that my girls think I am a good mom. I'm grateful to know I am doing my best even if that looks different day to day. I'm grateful to see when I can make shifts and changes and where I feel I am on the right track. I'm grateful for the beautiful email tonight that was so kind and up-lifting. I'm grateful for the special time with my girls and especially to get outdoors in nature. I'm grateful to see the need to make more time this week for mediation and me time as the mental chatter grows.

How do you recognize when the mental chatter is getting too loud? What does your monkey mind try to tell you? How do you redirect when the chatter goes negative?

May today be filled with supportive and loving dialogue. May we move towards where we want to be while giving ourselves grace in the moments we feel we fell short. Have a beautiful day!

We all have a "breaking" point. We have a point of getting heated up to the level of boiling where we may shout. 

I will admit I have a temper. I struggle sometimes with emotional regulation which is what drew me to meditation in the first place. It provides a haven for me to rebalance. 

Two kids and a hectic schedule do not allow for as much meditation as I would like. Yet finding the time to meditate makes me a better "me", a better mom, and a better human. It allows me that reset of patience and calm.

I love my preschooler to pieces. She is an amazing kid, so smart and funny, precocious and loving. She also has an amazing knack for finding just the right buttons to push. 

I am by no means a perfect mom. But I do my best to respond to my daughter rather than react and I do my best to keep a level, patient voice as best as possible. Unfortunately this usually results in venting to my husband at the end of the day and feeling like I am ending the day on a negative note. 

Awareness is half the battle. Know better, do better. And most of all I think it is important to give myself grace for all the little "wins". Today was full of many little wins as I got practice in responding and that is something to give myself credit for tonight.

I'm grateful to stop the negative spiral and give myself credit for what I did right. I'm grateful to know tomorrow is a new day. I'm grateful to see where I need to take more time for me and for my kids. I'm grateful to notice balance and imbalance in myself. I'm grateful for deep breaths and meditation chants to get me through when I cannot actually stop to meditate. I'm grateful for my husband's patience in my end of day release. I'm grateful to recognize this teapot habit and know I can shift it to something more positive.

What pushes your buttons? How do you recenter? How often do you find yourself becoming the heated teapot?

May today grant us cooling time. May we give ourselves grace for the struggles and celebrate the wins. Have a beautiful day!

It's that time again! That's right, the semi-annual blog about me recognizing I have lost sight of my self-care again. I would say that I don't know why this goal is the hardest for me to keep...but that would be a lie. I know exactly why. It is the result of not choosing to put myself as a priority because there is a preschooler, a new baby, a dog, a husband, a home, laundry, work, clients, and a million other things that I put first. 

In my head tonight I created a beautiful plan for getting self-care every day. It included waking up at 5:30am to get some time as well as staying up a little later to get some time. The catch with this plan is I am exhausted from staying up several times a night with the baby...and the preschooler. So in creating time to do things like yoga and meditation I am effectively reducing my sleep even more which in turn negatively impacts my health and self-care. Haha! Isn't adulthood a fun little game?! 

The need for self-care is definitely rearing its head though so it is time to make some changes. Even if I can't do an hour of self-care each day, I can squeeze in some bits of relaxation here and there to keep my sanity. I can take a nice hot bath on the days both kids nap at the same time. I can make a salad for lunch and commit to actually getting to sit to eat instead of grabbing whatever I can eat with one hand while nursing and doing six other things. And I can ask for some help, a short break, from one of the many people who have offered to watch my kids. 

Instead of continuing to walk around with my mind frazzled and my chest tight with stress, I can practice what I always tell my daughter. I can take a breath. I can use my words. I can ask for help. It's time to ask someone to pass the cucumbers, kick back and relax for a few minutes. And hey, while I'm at it, can you pass the chocolate too? 

I'm grateful for my body's strong and persistent reminder to relax. I'm grateful for all the people offering to help. I'm grateful to realize the cyclic nature of forgetting self-care. I'm grateful to see my excuses for what they are and start shifting my mind to make a change. I'm grateful for humor. I'm grateful for cucumbers...both to eat and to rest my eyes. And I'm definitely grateful for chocolate.

What self-care practices help you stay balanced? What trips up your self-care? How often do you take time for you?

May today solidify our commitment to ourselves. May we take the time we need to keep ourselves healthy, balanced, and happy. Have a beautiful day! 

Today was a busy day complete with school, errands, chores, doctor appointment, and family dinner. My mind ran between to do lists. And thoughts of overwhelm randomly rose to the surface.

In meditation, one practice is to imagine your thoughts are like bubbles floating passed. Imagining them drifting by or even imagining popping them can help to release the attachment and clear thoughts. 

I enjoy bubbles. So the idea of thoughts being bubbles is comforting to me as I playfully pop them. The trouble is finding the time to meditate to play this game. 

I think a lot. I work out scenarios in my head or plan into the future. It is easy to get caught in the thought of what is to come (or sometimes what has already passed). But today's gratitude didn't come from thoughts. Today's gratitude came from the moments in between; the moments of play, the moments of pure love.

I'm grateful to glance over to see my baby smiling at me. I'm grateful to let myself be captivated and sit in that moment smiling at each other. I'm grateful for petting my dog in passing only to succumb to the urge to just stop and continue petting her. I;m grateful for the moments of closing my eyes and welcoming in a big gulp of cool water. I'm grateful for the "yes" moments my daughter provided, like "Mommy will you teach me to skip?". I'm grateful to just listen to my daughter's imagination as she daydreams what it would be like if Daddy were as tall as a light pole. I'm grateful for the pause. I'm grateful for these moments in between that fill my heart.

What do you allow to catch your heart and mind between thoughts? What moments bring you joy?

May we cherish these moments of heart. May we allow these beautiful moments to captivate us and may we just sit in their embrace. Have a beautiful day!

There seems to be some kind of beacon that my energy sends out when I am about to meditate or in some way relax. The beacon travels out and calls to my children. It tells them they need to seek me out urgently and insistently.

I'm still trying to find a good time to meditate as we try to establish some sort of routine with a new baby. Today I made three attempts at meditating. All three were foiled within five minutes. All three attempts were made while the kids, in theory, were sleeping. At one point I checked over the monitor that both children were sound asleep. Neither had changed positions or made noise in nearly ten minutes. It seemed a safe bet they were out. I clicked play on the guided meditation I had chosen and the counter had not even reached two minutes when one was wailing for me and the other stirring. Seriously. 

Tomorrow is National Relaxation Day. Normally I would have planned some time to unwind, meditate, maybe even take a bubble bath. But currently I think the best "relaxation" gift I can give myself is letting go of any plan or attachment to getting a specific block of time to do this. Instead I will try to find relaxation in the little moments; the breathes between needs, the quiet of nursing one child while the other scampers off to choose the next book for us to read. 

In a month or two...or ten, we will have a routine again and I will find moments to fulfill this need. In the meantime I will find other ways to accommodate my self-care while letting go of attachment to how it looks. I will also be exploring how to mute this beacon that seems to alert my children when I try to grab a few minutes to meditate. 

I'm grateful for humor, even dry, to navigate these moments of frustration. I'm grateful to let go of the ideal of how meditation "should" look. I'm grateful to still have gotten a few minutes here and there to recenter. I'm grateful for my husband's help tonight as we continue to work out the messages our new addition is trying to communicate. I'm grateful to just sit and hold her and equally grateful to get out for a walk. I'm grateful for days like tomorrow that remind me to relax and I'm grateful to adjust my mindset to gain that outcome.

How do you like to relax? What are your biggest challenges in making time for self-care? How do you find balance?

May we find a breath of calm in the little moments. May there be enough of those to sustain us. And may we persist in finding ways to include relaxation in our day. Have a beautiful day!

I hear a lot about pregnancy brain, that forgetful fog that settles in during pregnancy. Many women have told me it really doesn't go away after the baby is born and compounds with each child. Perhaps it is hormonal or possibly just lack of good, quality sleep. Either way I feel it settling deep recently.

This morning I was sleeping hard when my husband's alarm went off. This is unlike me for the most part because I tend to be a naturally early riser, but the combination of returning to my bed after vacation, staying up late last night celebrating my anniversary and trying to get the baby in my belly to wind down her jumping jacks to sleep, as well as bed hopping to my toddlers room for a bit as a storm rolled through last night made me a little extra tired. Each element added to my need for sleep and yet increased my joy as well, so it was all worth it.

Yet the fog has settled thick today. It is one of those mornings I could blissfully stare empty minded at the trees dancing in the wind for probably an hour without thinking twice. The beautiful benefit of this fog is that my mind is quiet. I take things as they come. I am slow to react which gives me plenty of time to process. And therefore my stress level stays low. And the best part is that I only really have two things I need to get done today so I can bask in this empty quiet.

I'm grateful for the blessing and beauty of the fog. I'm grateful for the grace of the trees dancing in the wind. I'm grateful to have a wonderful evening with my husband. I'm grateful for all the movement and acrobats my youngest child is performing in my belly. I'm grateful to get to snuggle and comfort my daughter from the noise of the storm because she is growing up so fast and it is nice to have these moments still. I'm grateful she has a bed large enough to accommodate us both comfortably so we can both get some sleep during these times of comfort. And I'm grateful for a day of few demands to just bask in this quiet mental state.

How is your mind this morning? Is it running full speed or is it also taking a quiet seat of observation? There is something to be said for both. What beauty and gratitude can you find in your current state?

May today encompass our needs and may our mind fall in line with the day ahead. Have a beautiful day!

As I return home from a week in nature I feel calm, blessed, and full of love. My family and I had a wonderful trip and even had a day to settle back in at home before fully rejoining the world today. It was wonderful!

To make today even more special, it is my husband and my anniversary. Four years ago today we said "I do" and I am so grateful to have married a man that believes as I do that love is an action to be carried out, not just a feeling in the moment. It is often observable at home in our day to day life but sometimes that gets taken for granted. Out on the road with a toddler and the usual road trip hiccups that come along it is easy to see all the actions of love that we share. 

My amazing husband did the cooking and most the cleaning. We rented a small teardrop trailer for the first time to test out if it was something we would like to purchase moving forward and my husband took care of most the set-up and take-down at each location on our travels. He shared the duty of wearing the hiking carrier when my toddler was too tired and having her on my back was making me too winded. And he rolled with the curves that came our way, like my head cold and my daughter's teething and diarrhea. He helped us to all have a great time and even helped my daughter get passed some of her bug-phobia. I am so blessed to have such a wonderful husband and celebrate another year and many more to come.

Watching my daughter on this trip opened my eyes even more to the duality of a two year old. One moment she was putting on her hiking backpack and declaring she was off on an adventure, bold and brave and seemingly so grown. Then a little while later she was needing snuggles and tired and fingers stuffed in her mouth as she tried to ease the teething pressure. Thank goodness for this duality because while I do not enjoy seeing my child uncomfortable it definitely eased my mommy heart to know she isn't so grown up just yet.

And as for me? The first couple days were a bit rough with my head cold but my husband's help, daughter's excitement, and beauty of nature carried me through. The rest of the trip was just pure beauty and relaxation. For me, the hikes were the best part. Just being out in nature and listening to the soft sounds with my family was so healing. I also enjoyed stopping at the butterfly house and being surrounded by the beauty of so many different types of butterflies all fluttering around us. It is as if nature restored some cracks that had formed through the pressures of everyday life. And now that I feel this peaceful, completeness; I will strive to keep it as my balance and check-in meter as I return to the routine.

I'm so grateful for the week away. I'm grateful I chose to release the responsibility of posting for my blog and just allowing my personal journal to be filled with my gratitude. I'm grateful for all the amazing work my husband did to make this trip go so smoothly and to assist me when I was not at one hundred percent. I'm grateful for my daughter's joy and eagerness to explore. I'm even grateful for the tears she spilled over the return of the camper because it encourages us to take her on these adventures more often. I'm grateful for the peacefulness I feel now as I return to regular life and I'm grateful to have a slower week to return to before diving into some intense pre-maternity leave weeks. I'm grateful to celebrate four years with my husband in marriage and to see how much we have grown and changed in even that short time. I'm grateful our changes enhance our relationship. And I'm grateful for my amazing family that will soon be blessed with one more member. 

What fills your heart? When was the last time you unplugged and stepped into nature? 

May today bring blessings we often overlook and may our eyes be opened to all the beauty around us. Have a beautiful day!

The hectic week is nearly to an end. Just two more work days for me and I can unwind a bit. Sunday is Mother's Day and all week I have been spending spare moments to make something special for both my mom and mother-in-law and try to plan when to spend special time with each. I have been working extra to make up for taking some family time next week. And I have felt the effects of allowing my stress to accumulate.

One of my best friend's asked me yesterday what I was doing for Mother's Day.  Besides having dinner with my mom, I will probably spend it cleaning and preparing. I will take time to play with my daughter, of course, but mostly it will be a regular Sunday. My gift is taking time off next week and getting good, quality family time. 

As I let this roll around in my head for the rest of the day yesterday it occurred to me that I have been needing and craving the simplicity of nature. Many people do not understand when I talk about the "buzz" of the house or the "hum" of the city. I am not talking about the people. I am talking about the electrical noise that things plugged in make. Yes, frequently even when they are off. There is the steady tick of clocks and hum of motors from the refrigerator and other appliances as well. They are the symphony of blessings that make life run smooth and yet the noise seems to build at my primal level. Nature is my solution to release this buildup. 

On my time off I will be sure to get plenty of nature time. The plan is to camp out to truly help get away from it all. And one of the things I had been pondering and stressing over was if I would have the wifi needed to post my daily gratitude blog. Last night it occurred to me that perhaps the best thing I could do both for myself and for the quality of my writing is to take this coming week off. Not worry about where to find wifi or how to recharge the laptop of even how to sneak out of the family camp in the morning to type without waking everyone. The solution brought instant ease. It knocked my stress down a good three pegs. 

So next week I will be gone. That is my gift to myself. I will renew and recharge so I can return ready to blog with deep authenticity and gratitude. I invite you to take the opportunity to start your own gratitude journal or practice if you have not already, or renew your current practice. I will still bring my paper gratitude journal to write on each morning and night because it fills a special place in my soul. 

If you have not started a practice, the basics are to write four things you are grateful for down (in complete, "I am grateful for" sentences) on paper making sure to choose different things each time. Yes there are things you will always be grateful for, your mom, your husband, waking up to a new day; take them deeper. Why? What aspects? Find other things around you that you take for granted and let your heart fill with gratitude for those. And as you write, pause to truly FEEL the gratitude of each one. Throughout the day reflect on those, especially if you hit a bump in your day. And at the end of your day reflect on them again and write down the best thing that happened that day. This is a gratitude practice in a nutshell. 

I'm grateful to follow the signs and find my gift quietly waiting for me. I'm grateful to give myself the opportunity to truly unplug for a week. I'm grateful for the stress it lifted in just making this commitment to myself. I'm grateful for this blog and to share my gratitude and spread the word about how gratitude can change lives. I'm grateful for each of you that gets up and reads my blog each day, or even on occasion. I'm grateful to take a vacation and know that it may be the gift that allows you to renew or start your own practice as well. I'm grateful for some time in nature. I'm grateful to have an amazing and blessed life here that allows me to take some time off every now and then. I'm grateful to unwind and recharge.

What inspires your gratitude? How do you recharge your batteries? How often do you unplug from all the technology and appliances? 

May today remind us that we have the power to give ourselves what we need. May we take the opportunities that come to gift ourselves the chance to unwind and renew our spirit. Have a beautiful day and a beautiful week while I am offline!

Yesterday I wrote about how priorities help me to decrease my stress. Then later on I listened to a keynote speaker talk about how stress is cumulative and how the stress of our lifestyles has become something of a war against children. The speaker was Kim John Payne and his mission is to help us help our children by simplifying our lives. 

I have witnessed this phenomenon myself with my toddler. The weeks we have too much going on she is more resistant, whiney, and acts out more. 

This week is admittedly chaotic. I am overcommitted but thought I was "handling" it well. But when I arrived home yesterday afternoon to find property damage and the need to file a police report I began to feel the weight of it all. At first I did some deep breathing, I let my husband take lead with the police while I canvased for witnesses. I was thrilled to find my high school aged neighbor had witnessed the whole thing and gotten the license plate number. My daughter was thrilled to get to meet a policeman and get a sticker badge. 

In the grand scheme of events the process was smooth. I felt the stress but managed to still get everything done that needed done despite the delay. Yet when my daughter had a meltdown in the middle of the grocery store, usually one of her favorite outings, her overwhelm and my own was painstakingly obvious. 

We can't always prevent the bumps that we hit along the way. We can't control every outcome, every snag, or any other person that plays a role in it. All we have is our own reactions, our own self-care, and our own health. 

After listening to the speaker yesterday I had been focused on how to help my daughter and start stripping away some of the stress that has accumulated in our lives. It will take some time to reorganize and reframe some aspects and yesterday's events reminded me how important it is toe keep simple the parts I can control.

My focus was on my daughter, my husband and how to smooth and simplify our lives. But as I wake in the middle of the night, unable to sleep, I see the accumulative effects have touched me too. I am that same sensitive child that I am now raising. The change is going to have to begin with me, for all of our sakes.

I'm grateful for our amazing neighbors. I'm grateful for the timing of events that allowed my neighbor to be witness and his diligence in recording the event so memories did not have a chance to cloud. I'm grateful for the officer that was prompt and optimistic. I'm grateful for Kim John Payne's message and to recognize the irony of my higher awareness of others' stress effects than my own. I'm grateful to begin looking at ways to simplify and declutter both our schedules and our home. I'm grateful to have a husband that is an excellent partner and whose strengths are often opposite to mine to help balance us in times like these.

What is accumulating in your life? What areas of your life could use simplified?

May today allow space for deep breaths. May we slow down and listen to the subtle, or not so subtle, cues that stress is building and take the steps necessary to begin clearing it back out. Have a beautiful day!

Last night brought more storms. The thunder rumbled loud and long most of the night. Usually this would have been my calling to be sleeping in my daughter's room but last night my husband went in to be her comfort. 

I woke several times to the thunder but mostly it was just a sweet lullaby to me. And this morning waking to a particularly loud one I was surprised to see it was already a little after five. I think I could have cuddled up to my pillow with the rumble rolling on for a couple more hours. 

Instead I get to enjoy the rumbles and soft pings of rain hitting the gutter and fireplace flashing as I type away here in the dark. That's right, I didn't even bother turning on a light because the sound is still so soothing. Isn't it funny how a noise that can seem so scary as a child can be so calming and comforting as an adult.

I love sleeping to the rain. I love songs about dancing in the rain; although I will admit my daughter has more abandon for dancing in the rain than I do. For me, wet clothing is a sensory nightmare that must me changed immediately. She however, does not seem to mind a bit. With any luck we will get to dance in the rain together this afternoon when she gets home from school. Her joy makes my own discomfort wane.

I'm grateful for all the rain we have been getting to keep the flowers and trees well nourished. I'm grateful the city finished putting in new curbs so we can use the garage and also not have a deep river running through the edge of the streets. I'm grateful for the soft melody of the rain pelting against the different surfaces. I'm grateful for the rumble of thunder that made the best sound machine last night. I'm grateful my husband went and slept in my daughter's bed. I'm grateful to just start the morning slow today. I'm grateful for a reliable sump pump and not to have too much trouble with flooding in our area. 

What do you love about rain or thunder? Do you sleep better during a storm or does it keep you awake?

May today allow us to sink into the sounds we love. May we find peace in the sounds of nature. Have a beautiful day!