The current stage my oldest daughter is going through is really taking a toll on me. It's just a stage. Everything is just a stage at this point. And yet days and weeks of being yelled at, hit, and called names have worn me. The constant boundary pushing has drained me. Her assertion that I am a terrible mom drove the nail home today.
My response was that I was sorry she felt that way because I loved her very much. After leaving her room and retreating to the safety of the basement I allowed a private tirade followed by complete sobbing mess.
My family always called me Tender Heart growing up. I may have aged but my skin is only slightly thicker.
I know my daughter loves me. I know this will pass and I hope I weather it with enough grace that we have an even stronger relationship coming out the other side. But in the meantime I need to seek the light to keep me out of that darkness. For me, the best way to do that is to focus on gratitude, seek laughter, and collect as many hugs as possible.
I'm grateful for my husband that takes a "shift" with the girls while I go to work. I'm grateful to have a job that takes me away for just a short while. I'm grateful for kind clients. I'm grateful to have a job that lends itself to self-reflection. I'm grateful for my mom. I'm grateful for my amazing network of friends and family that have my back when I need to vent and can reassure me it is truly just a phase. I'm grateful for baby snuggles. I'm grateful for some time to just sit in silence.
Depression and stress do not look one way. Anyone could be struggling and you may never even notice. What are your signs? How do you find light when stress is building? What is your self-care routine?
May we all know who to reach out to when we need a hand getting back to the light. May we monitor our thoughts and fight the darkness. And may we all know we are loved no matter what. Have a beautiful day!
(But if you are not having a beautiful day, reach out to me or someone.)