Perfection is not a win. It is not possible to be perfect in every way. The best we can do is our best in the moment and even that looks different from day to day, moment to moment. 

So what does a "win" look like when all our societal guideposts are tumbling around us? Determination. Effort. Waking up each morning and giving it our best go; that's a win. 

I have been struggling with a pulled deltoid and for several week I had given up on my rowing machine. It is my main form of exercise so the result was lack of exercise. The problem is, I am a better version of my self when I can release my stress through cardio. I was determined to figure it out and a few days ago I found a way to harness it so I could row one-handed. It certainly feels like a win!

My daughter has been struggling with the complete upheaval of her schedule. I have been determined to find the balance between maintaining our rules and boundaries while giving her extra love and attention. As always, it is my goal to do this without yelling (though I am human and therefore not perfect). Today, despite an abundance of tests to the rules that determination paid off. I can see that our consistency is beginning to give her that balance back. 

I have been determined to make time for me despite the twenty-four, seven family time. I have incorporated yoga into my morning routine, frequently enjoying my preschooler participating with me. I have enjoyed my workout during their nap. Yes, I do have a few more hours in the day since I am not working in the evening but mostly these things are happening because I was determined to make them happen.

I'm grateful for determination. I'm grateful for seeing all the little wins. I'm grateful to get some exercise for my mental and physical health. I'm grateful for lots of deck time this weekend. I'm grateful for sunshine and to get to plant a small vegetable garden with my family. I'm grateful for my little one's determination as she gets closer to figure out crawling. I'm grateful for my preschooler's passion and determination in everything she does, especially when we are on the same page. I'm grateful to know there is no room for perfectionism and plenty of room for determination.

What is your "win"? How do you accomplish what you need? 

May today highlight our wins. May we let go of what falls a little short. May we find our determination and go after what we need. Have a beautiful day!

There is no doubt that there is a LOT going on right now. Our world has been turned topsy turvy. We are trying to figure out a new normal and new balance. But what if we put that all on pause for just three minutes?

Take a moment to look up from your computer or phone for a minute. Look around you at the room you are in at this moment. Take a deep breath and just really look around. What are four things in this room that help your day function? Is there anyone with you that (no matter how much they may be driving you crazy being locked in place together today) you appreciate? Have you taken a moment to tell them you appreciate them?

Get up and stretch your legs. Move around. If there is another room you can go to, walk in there. Take another breath and look around. What in this room brings comfort? What colors do you see? Is this place home or work? Does it fill the needs for whichever place it is? 

Take one more minute and try to think of four things you are grateful for today. Four things can be found. What are your Grateful Four? I really would love to hear back.

I'm grateful for the ability to blog from my home. I'm grateful for my rowing machine that helps me keep balance. I'm grateful for my beautiful kids and all the creative fun we are having. And I'm grateful for nap time to give myself a breather and start fresh again in the afternoon. I'm grateful my husband is working from home and that most of my loved ones are tucked safely in their homes. I'm grateful for the ability to connect through video chats, text, calls, and yes even Facebook. I'm grateful for the warm colors of our house that remind me of Autumn. I'm grateful for deep breaths. I'm grateful to be doing my best in this new "adventure".

Can you take this challenge each day? Can you give yourself three minutes to find your Grateful Four? Can you find four different things each day?

May today remind us we are still alive. May we focus on all the blessings as we work on finding balance and moving forward. Have a beautiful day! 

I keep visualizing a river. It flows smoothly, bending to flow around obstacles in full faith it will reach its destination. I keep visualizing this as a reminder of how I would like to navigate this current "adventure". Some days this visualization works better than others.

As I sat at lunch today my baby was yelling for milk (nursing) and mostly refusing the food I was offering. My preschooler was chatting nonstop, which is typical for her, about everything under the sun. And my husband was trying to tell me current events and his own thoughts on different topics. It was sensory overload. When I closed my eyes and tried to picture the river flowing it felt more like the rapids of a heavy downpour. 

Lunch ended with my preschooler hoping down from the table to go play happily, my husband returning to his office in the basement and the baby suckling happily in my lap. I myself felt a little like a tornado had just passed through and I was relishing the moment of quiet after the storm. And it only lasted a moment because then kids were up and ready to "run" again. ...So run we did as I stretched out an obstacle course for the baby to watch her sister perform. 

I'm grateful to observe the passing of my emotions. I'm grateful to pause and witness the overwhelm and do my best to just breathe. I'm grateful for the beauty of these moments. I'm grateful to find a way to bring myself back to the calm river. I'm grateful to recognize the need for all of us to talk and to get movement. I'm grateful to commit some time today to working out which I haven't made time for in several weeks.

How do you dispel the excess, whether it be energetic, sensory, or something else? What visual helps you come back to center?

May today keep us flowing smoothly as we navigate this new path. May we find ways to balance. Have a beautiful day!

When I feel that familiar vibration of anxiety coursing through me I frequently breathe through it and push it aside. A lot of times my anxiety is fed by wanting to control or change something I cannot. So I focus on my body and breathe or meditate or jog until the vibration evens back out. 

Often times I even find myself feeling negative towards anxiety, as if it is a personality flaw. In reality it is just a guidepost like any other emotion. 

At the same time I brush off this emotion I also feel like my intuition is strong and trustworthy in most situations. If I feel uneasy in the presence of someone or in a new location I trust my gut. It is a deep knowing inside and does not usually have the same resonation as the anxiety I spoke of a moment ago.

Last night I lay awake for over three and a half hours. Something was not sitting right with me and I tried every technique I knew to brush it off, breathe through it, and just go to sleep. Nothing worked. In fact, every time I tried to rationalize to calm or even pray about it, I got more anxious. It wasn't until I explored the idea that maybe, just maybe there was more than anxiety going on that I began to relax. When I finally let it go and changed my plan, listening to the anxiety, I fell fast asleep.

I'm grateful for the persistence of intuition. I'm grateful to listen. I'm grateful to get a new perspective and open my eyes to the negative ideas I hold toward anxiety. I'm grateful for all the times my intuition has served me well and kept me safe. I'm grateful for all anxiety has taught me too. I'm grateful to move forward with a more open mind and commit to paying more attention to what my emotions are telling me. 

What are your emotions telling you? What does your intuition tell you? How can we all find a balance at this time of change?

May today allow us to have strong intuition and faith. May we listen to the anxiety while not allowing it to overrun us. Have a beautiful day!

One byproduct of being home so much is the increase in quote book entries. My oldest daughter says the most hilarious things and we started a quote book on her when she first started talking. 

She earned her first entry when she was only fourteen months old. We were walking through a store and a nun (in her habit) walked passed. My daughter started yelling "boo! boo!" The kind woman stopped and said, "Well hi there sweetie." My daughter with amazing clarity said, "No, Ghost say Boo!" 

I have made entries in her quote book a couple times a month or so since she was about two years old. Now, being home with her even more than normal I am starting to wonder if we will need to order a second quote book to get us through the next weeks or months. 

According to my oldest daughter, "When I grow up (sister) is not allowed to suck on my nipples!" She picks flowers so she can put them in water so they won't die. And I can't even remember half the things she said at lunch today that had us laughing. 

Laughter is much needed these day and I'm grateful my daughter provides an abundance of it. I'm grateful she enjoys laughter yoga. I'm grateful she has started doing regular yoga with me in the mornings too. I'm grateful for her funny anecdotes and the innocent way she processes things. I'm grateful for her big heart and sweet hugs. I'm grateful for this time together. I'm grateful to have a quote book to record all these cute moments. And I'm grateful to think of the years to come when we can look back on these quotes and laugh together again and again.

What brings you laughter? Who brightens your day?

May we all have someone special to lighten the mood. May we celebrate these precious moments of togetherness. Have a beautiful day!

Despite our search, my daughter and I did not find any four-leaf clover today but I found something better. I found the relief I had been searching for in these stressful times. 

My anxiety has been up as I wrestled with the decision to keep working or not as the numebr of illnesses increases daily. As a massage therapist there is no "social distancing" I can do from my clients. Even working with a mask and washing my hands I still felt I was leaving myself and my clients at risk. Yet there were no clear answers for how long I should continue to work.

This evening as I once again wrestled with confirming or canceling clients for the upcoming days, I finally got a clear answer. I was walking laps outside my parents' home trying to release some anxiety before family dinner that we enjoy with them each week. A client texted and in the process of looking at my phone I saw a message from the association that sets guidelines for massage. They were strongly recommending that every massage therapist cease work immediately in keeping with their oath to "do no harm". It was like a huge weight lifted. I was crazy or over-anxious. I had validation!

I felt the stress melt from my body as I sent out the necessary information to my employer, colleagues, and clients. After a day of praying and doing everything I could from yoga to meditation music to find peace, my call has been answered. 

In my communication I learned that many people were nervous and seeking the same thing I had been, guidelines and clear boundaries. I had given that to them just as I was given. 

I pray that more people and companies are able to receive this blessing of clear guidance. I hope that they act soon to slow the spread so we can keep people safe. 

​I'm so grateful for the beautiful blessing today by the AMTA. I'm grateful to feel the anxiety lift. I'm grateful to be tucked safely at home with my beautiful family. I'm grateful to keep my clients and family safe. I'm grateful for my walk, yoga, meditation, and all other forms of relief I tried. I'm grateful to feel my prayers were answered. I'm grateful to have guidance. I'm grateful to celebrate St Patrick's Day without need for all the normal hoopla. I'm grateful for health, love, and faith.

What guidance are you seeking? How is your stress level? What can we do as a community to help each other stay safe?

May today bring guidance. May we see the blessings even in these uncertain times. May we hold strong in our faith to see this through. Have a beautiful day!

It isn't necessarily the size of the obstacle that matters; it's the ability to maneuver through or around it. These days require flexibility and an ability to roll with a constantly changing situation. 

This is not my strong suit. I am not the most laid back person and I like to have a plan. So I have done my best to mentally make plans that have some fluidity built in. I'm rolling along as best I can.

I'm grateful for the people in my life that give me strength. I'm grateful for my children that fill my heart with love. I'm grateful for the distraction my kids provide. I'm grateful to let my creativity fill the gap where plans and change meet. I'm grateful for all the time I'm getting with my girls and husband. I'm grateful for some bits of normalcy. I'm grateful to keep rolling. I'm grateful for faith.

What helps you keep rolling? What balance are you finding and what personal strengths are you drawing on during this time?

May today provide comfort through faith. May we find the bright spots in each day. Have a beautiful day!

There has been a lot of talk lately about catching bad stuff. The Covid-19 (Coronavirus) has reached my area and there is a lot of stories about how to not catch it and how many people have already caught it. At home, with my girls sick there has been plenty of "wash your hands so no one else catches it" talks. 

Yet there are plenty of things that I WANT to catch and today I have even had the opportunity to catch a few of these. I feel like that is a good thing to celebrate since some of these are tough on a regular day, let alone with the added duties of sick kiddos. 

Today I caught a quick, hot shower. I caught up on some laundry. I caught a cute little girl being ornery as she goes in and out of feeling like herself again. I caught a couple laughs at the hilarious commentary of a preschooler. I caught a glimpse of my husband (who is working from home today). I caught my breath and even rested my eyes a bit. I caught a few extra zzz's this morning sleeping on the nursery floor again. I caught a diaper just before blow out and saved an outfit. And I caught up on some much needed dog snuggles (well, maybe I could use a few more...). 

I'm grateful for all I've caught today. I'm grateful for hot water (and soap) and plenty of food packed with vitamin C and other nutrition. I'm grateful my girls have rounded the corner and are beginning to feel like themselves again. I'm grateful they are still catching up on sleep and letting their bodies rest. I'm grateful to stay home another day from our normal routine to give them more time. I'm grateful to still be feeling healthy and even somewhat rested. I'm grateful for my dog's patience at our busy schedules. I'm grateful to catch the things I want and let the rest pass by. 

What have you caught today? What will you choose to try to catch?

May today allow us to stay healthy. May we focus on what we want and not what we don't. Have a beautiful day!

It has been a great start to the week. The house is a happy, positive place. My preschooler has rediscovered the power of please and thank you. My husband and I seem renewed by our fun weekend with friends. 

I had great clients tonight and even got to share a couple minutes conversation with my coworker. Heading home from work I couldn't help but notice the beautiful blue of twilight. The sky looked so peaceful and the light traffic helped to create a calm atmosphere.

Just as I was appreciating how much better my soul feels this week; I saw a shooting star! It was instant joy and excitement! I love the night sky and to get to witness this beautiful moment was such a treat.

There was a moment when I thought "you're supposed to make a wish..." but I couldn't even think of anything to wish for in that moment. Life is good. Instead I decided to take it as a "you're welcome" sign from the universe.

I'm grateful to witness a shooting star. I'm grateful to feel my soul rejuvenated and realigned. I'm grateful for a great day. I'm grateful for my love and connection with the night sky. I'm grateful to come home tonight to my husband playing "The Final Countdown" over the stereo for the bedtime song. I'm grateful for the humor we enjoy and the playfulness. I'm grateful for my beautiful, sweet girls. I'm grateful to find my caring preschooler settling back in as we move through that last stage.

​What comes to mind when you look to the sky? Are you praying? Are you asking for something, like wishing on a star? Or are you simply saying thank you for another day?

​May today remind us when to say please and when to say thank you. May we look to the sky and find joy in our hearts. Have a beautiful day!

Today was a rough, dark day for me. I hit a low and felt those familiar fingers of depression pulling at my thoughts.

The current stage my oldest daughter is going through is really taking a toll on me. It's just a stage. Everything is just a stage at this point. And yet days and weeks of being yelled at, hit, and called names have worn me. The constant boundary pushing has drained me. Her assertion that I am a terrible mom drove the nail home today.

My response was that I was sorry she felt that way because I loved her very much. After leaving her room and retreating to the safety of the basement I allowed a private tirade followed by complete sobbing mess. 

My family always called me Tender Heart growing up. I may have aged but my skin is only slightly thicker. 

I know my daughter loves me. I know this will pass and I hope I weather it with enough grace that we have an even stronger relationship coming out the other side. But in the meantime I need to seek the light to keep me out of that darkness. For me, the best way to do that is to focus on gratitude, seek laughter, and collect as many hugs as possible.

I'm grateful for my husband that takes a "shift" with the girls while I go to work. I'm grateful to have a job that takes me away for just a short while. I'm grateful for kind clients. I'm grateful to have a job that lends itself to self-reflection. I'm grateful for my mom. I'm grateful for my amazing network of friends and family that have my back when I need to vent and can reassure me it is truly just a phase. I'm grateful for baby snuggles. I'm grateful for some time to just sit in silence.

Depression and stress do not look one way. Anyone could be struggling and you may never even notice. What are your signs? How do you find light when stress is building? What is your self-care routine?

May we all know who to reach out to when we need a hand getting back to the light. May we monitor our thoughts and fight the darkness. And may we all know we are loved no matter what. Have a beautiful day!

​(But if you are not having a beautiful day, reach out to me or someone.)