Between empathy overload and logistical chaos it was hard to stay present. Ok, let me be honest, there was no staying present. My mind was racing and in sync my anxiety kicked into high gear.
I returned home to a list of demands that all needed instant attention and I said "I've got this." Did I? No. It was a good reminder for me to remember to ask for help when I need it. This lesson has always been a struggle for me so the reminder is nothing new.
The result of not reigning it all in was failure. I failed to stay present. I failed to ask for help. I failed to connect to my preschooler the way I wanted to before bed and instead only found more frustration and anxiety as she went to bed in tears.
It would be easy right now to go down the road of guilt and self-flogging (mentally). I will admit that I am great at both these things and partake more often than I would like to admit. Just last night my husband and I were discussing the idea of failure and my high standards for myself. It was a great conversation to lead up to today because it was a great reminder to give myself grace.
Failure is, ninety-nine percent of the time, in the eyes of the beholder and not a permanent crash. Most of the time we can shift the failure and turn ir back around at some point. In this case by my own awareness and taking the self-care steps needed to start tomorrow off better.
I'm grateful for the reminder of grace. I'm grateful to hold a high level of compassion and empathy. I'm grateful to recognize when I am letting those positive traits overpower me and start to take a negative toll. I'm grateful to love my children so much that I strive to do right by them and hold myself to high standards. I'm also grateful to know they do not hold me to those same standards and love me despite my perceived failures. I'm grateful to know I can juggle what needs juggled and that it is also ok to not juggle everything. I'm grateful to prioritize and take a step back. I'm grateful to have had so much time to play with my girls today even though it came at the expense of the house not getting cleaned. I'm grateful to get to kiss my girls goodnight.
What constitutes failure in your eyes? How do you reset and try again? How do you reframe?
May today remind us we're human. May we give ourselves grace and move forward. Have a beautiful day!