I have had plenty of time lately to sit in stillness. To sit quietly and think about what path I am choosing and what I need to do differently. It's a time for me to dig deeper.

I will admit it is not often comfortable in this space. My physical body is peaceful but my mind can be brutal. It is a delicate balance of being honest and asking the hard questions of myself without letting my mind slip to the dark side. I am human. I have to remember to give myself grace. 

Last night I asked for clarity on some areas that I was having trouble consciously working through. My dreams provided a parade of people from my past in different settings and situations. The settings and situations were not real or even realistic in some cases, but they all reflected to me pieces of the answers I was seeking. 

There is more to be done, yet it can all be down from a place of rest...a place of stillness. So I navigate today slowly. I give myself the space to allow processing. I give myself some grace even as I witness repeat mistakes. 

I'm grateful for a day to slow down. I'm grateful for a day to rest. I'm grateful for the questions that circle my mind but I'm also grateful to let them process in their own time. I'm grateful for the clarity that comes in my dreams. I'm grateful for each bit of sleep I get. I'm grateful to keep the negative thoughts in check as best I can and remember grace is for me too. I'm grateful for a positive, fun day with my girls, moving at a slower pace. I'm grateful to just sit and play.

What do you do with the stillness? What path are you choosing? What answers are you seeking?

May today be a step toward clarity. May truth always bring healing and growth. And may there be grace for ourselves and others every step of the way. Have a beautiful day!

Ahhh. I return to you feeling refreshed and rebooted after a few days away in nature. I would say it was a few days unplugged but only from phone and internet. We made the leap and purchased a small camper. We ordered it a couple months ago but got to meet her this weekend. 

It is the perfect combination of staying connected to nature and cooking outdoors while still having the convenience of a small fridge and air conditioner. Haha, I might be getting a little soft in my age. It was a great trip and despite a couple hiccups and yes, a couple meltdowns I am feeling clear in mind and spirit now. 

My oldest didn't want to return home and I definitely could feel that same yearning. Luckily we have a great reason to get out even more now. The youngest took most the trip in stride despite her schedule completely going haywire.

The best part was being out at the river, exploring and splashing. We got to witness first hand how rain makes it rise and then fall again, multiple times. Most of all we got to see each of our strengths and interests merge and emerge as we explored. 

I'm so grateful for this trip. I'm grateful to get away. I'm grateful to have the perfect camper for our family. I'm grateful to have named her and gotten in our maiden voyage with love and success. I'm grateful to watch my girls play and explore. I'm grateful to have been cut off from phone and internet. I'm grateful for the insights I got on the trip, especially from my parents who came along with their rv for some special family time. I'm grateful for all their help and generosity. I'm grateful for my husband who drove an extra ten plus hours to pick up our camper. I'm so grateful to feel renewed.

What renews you? What was the best thing to happen for you in the last week? What are you grateful for today?

May today remind us to truly take deep care of ourselves. May we take the time to unplug and step away from our daily routines from time to time. May we feed our soul often. Have a beautiful day!

I rarely find enough time to get out to weed my garden. The edges I walk by look ok as I pull when I pass, but the majority of the garden gets pretty overgrown before I find a way to tackle it. Often tackling the garden means something else left undone for the week. 

Today I made some time to get out there. One section of one tier was grass that had taken over. The ivy, dandelions, clover, and several other plants had staked a solid claim as well. 

I knew I wouldn't get it done in one shot, or even one day. The majority of our front yard is all tiered flower gardens...well weed gardens anyway. I told myself I would at least make a small dent and I jumped in. 

As I pulled I answered some of my daughter's questions and listened to her ever running monologue. For a short while she found the attention of our awesome neighbors.

What I noticed though was as I pulled and cleared I didn't feel rushed. I didn't feel like there was a weight on me of all the other things I needed to get done. I didn't even feel bothered by the steady flow of words and questions from my daughter that unfortunately is sometimes the case when I have a lot to do.

Instead it felt like this was the only thing on earth I needed to be doing in that moment. It felt like a lazy summer day where I had no where to be and no agenda. It felt...amazing! It felt great to be present.

I'm so grateful for this moment. I'm grateful to find a place to slow down and still be crossing off items of the list. I'm grateful for a very productive morning. I'm grateful my youngest had a good morning nap that allowed me to work on the weeds without having to worry about her diet. I'm grateful for my daughter's questions and insight. I'm grateful to toss in a few bits of "education" and see her thoughts. I'm grateful she is into exploring bugs. I'm grateful to get a good section of the garden back to decent shape. 

Where do you feel most present? When was the last time you had your hands in the dirt? What "weeds" need pulled from your life?

May today remind us to slow down and find a place to just be present. May we weed the unnecessary stress out of our lives and find beauty in the moment we're in. Have a beautiful day!

Everything happens for a reason. I truly believe this even if I don't always like it. Some things happen from our own actions. Some things happen from our inactions. Some things are co-created through another person. But I believe most things happen as part of a divine plan.

I do not personally believe that our lives are all carved out for us by fate or anything but I do believe that the energy we put into the world and the actions we take set us on fluid paths that continue to change as we make our choices. I also believe that sometimes divine energy pops in to guide us back if we get a little stuck int he mud or wander a little too deep in the weeds. 

I believe that even this pandemic has meaning and message set in the divine. I don't believe it is as punishment but rather to guide us back to a slower life, one hopefully more in touch with nature. I think it is helping us see through some veils and help each of us find the power to explore our own reality. 

Does this belief make it easy? No. Sometimes I want to scream to the heavens "why?!" But most things come to light in due time. Relationships end so that something better can come along. Sometimes opportunities come in the aftermath of what feels like utter destruction. 

These are the things I remind myself when something is out of my control. It's not just that it is happening for a reason but that something positive will come of it, even if I never actually see it. What if that light had stayed green only to have someone run it and crash into you? Would you still complain about another red light? We never know how all the cards are falling and sometimes we never even see it in hindsight.

I like plans. I like lists and preparation. I like having a basic itinerary. I don't want it all spelled out and all the t's crossed but I want the basic layout so I know what to expect. But sometimes the best laid plans get tossed by one small hiccup. 

The hardest part for me is being in limbo. Disappointment is no fun but it is a finality that can be reconstructed in the mind to find some positive in it. The limbo, the not knowing, that is what stresses me. So today I practice finding peace in the knowledge that even if I don't know which way the coin will land, it will land that way for a reason. 

I'm grateful to recognize the familiar clench of anxiety. I'm grateful to observe it. I'm grateful to acknowledge that some of the struggle is compounded by lack of sleep. I'm grateful to focus on trust. I'm grateful to allow all the feelings to float through as I prepare myself for either relief and excitement or disappointment and sadness. I'm also grateful to know that the feelings will pass as I refocus on the positive and rebalance myself. I'm grateful to find meaning and comfort in my beliefs. 

What do you believe? What helps you when obstacles or disappointments arise?

May we trust our own beliefs. May we choose what is best for us. May we find healthy ways of moving forward when plans change. Have a beautiful day!

Well, some days winning is just in getting back up. I am not perfect. I am not a perfect mom that does everything right. In fact, I make a lot of mistakes. Hopefully at least my honesty and ability to humbly apologize will help narrow the gap. 

I love the song ,"Strong Enough to Bend" by Tanya Tucker. I try to remember that phrase as I navigate life. It isn't just in parenting or marriage. It isn't just in our words but also our actions. We have to find a flexibility. Yesterday I was able to tuck and roll with it. Today, I cracked. 

It was the perfect storm of lack of sleep, one child in meltdown and another one demanding everything she needed in that instant. It piggybacked just after a thirty minute battle of one child screaming the ultimate tantrum while the other was antagonizing to get some attention. And in between I let my mind wander to a negative place of comparison and missing something that is long gone even as I found a way to guilt and blame myself for something that is actually just natural. CRACK! 

The branch of a tree cannot hold the nests of all the birds. It holds one nest. It offers other branches for other nests but even then there is a limit. 

I am one person. I cannot hold it all. But I do not have to if I remember to ask for help and treat myself the way I treat my friends, with love and care, compassion and forgiveness. 

I'm grateful to have such great kids. I'm grateful to have gotten my dream come true in being a mom. I'm grateful to be reminded I am a good mom and nobody is perfect. I'm grateful to always be open with my girls when I make a mistake. I'm grateful to know respect and good listening is a two way street. I'm grateful for my husband who always has my back. I'm grateful to have a goal in mind but to work on letting go of how that looks in the details. I'm grateful to have music to help me calm down and bring positive thoughts back. I'm grateful to see how hard I am on myself and where I can give myself more grace.

What are some areas that you are good at "bending"? What do you do when you feel yourself starting to crack? 

May we find grace and compassion for ourselves and others. May we model the way we want the world to look, not just respond to the one we have. Have a beautiful day!

Last night's insights were great but those "aha" moments only go so far if I don't take action. So I asked myself what steps I need to take first and foremost to get myself back on track, back in a parasympathetic state. 

I got a little more sleep last night, though that will still need some catching up for a while. When I woke this morning, fifteen minutes before my husband's alarm, rather than lay there restlessly I got up. I went into the hall with my headphones and listened to a meditation. When my mind is monkeying around, it helps to have someone else's voice to follow to get me back into the rhythm. 

After that I did some minimal yoga stretches as I could hear everyone beginning to get up and around. Then I told my preschooler the exciting news; we were going on a hike. We packed out camelbaks with lunch, water, and the usual necessities like a magnifying glass. Once the baby was up from her morning nap we headed out. We just did a half mile loop trail and I took the wagon instead of the baby carrier but it went well.

We had fun exploring along the trail and enjoyed our picnic lunch. It was a great time and for the first time in a long time I wasn't checking my watch to make sure we were on schedule. I just enjoyed being out. Even with the intense heat of the day, we still had a great time!

I'm so grateful to get out in nature. I'm grateful my girls love being outside. I'm grateful to have so many trails near us. I'm grateful to suggest to my husband we make more time to hike and be out in nature as a family, and have him agree. I'm grateful for the insights of yesterday and even more grateful to put them into practice today. I'm grateful to take steps to make myself accountable so I can work to make this into a habit and routine. 

What helps you stay accountable? What helps renew your spirit and calm your mind?

May today spur us into actions that get us a step closer to our goals. May we walk the path in joy and seek gratitude along the way. Have a beautiful day!

In talking to a client tonight it dawned on me why I have been feeling so much anger lately. At first I was quick to blame it on hormones. Then I thought it was a process of healing another layer of past trauma that had been brought to the surface. Tonight's conversation provided a much needed "aha" moment. Something I have been having a lot of lately.

This year has been a year of stress, upheaval, change, and as a result lots of anxiety attacks. I am normally one to mostly avoid confrontation. Yet for the last week or two I have just been feeling like a fight. In some ways it has allowed me to stand up for myself like I would not have in the past, though I have been mindful to keep it respectful. But inside I feel like I am boiling over sometimes which is a mostly new feeling for me. 

Well guess what brain level I have been in for the last four and a half months. That's right, stress and anxiety have put me in flight mode. Well apparently I've reached my limit on flight and my body is moving toward fight mode to give me some relieve, some sense of power no matter how false. 

Does it have to be this way? Are our options only fight or flight right now? Of course not. We always have a choice to find another way, find a way to pull ourselves out of the sympathetic state and back to a parasympathetic state. 

Exercise is my main outlet for bringing myself back down from anxiety. Bet you can guess what has been, once again, lacking from my routine. Yes, even after just a few weeks ago I committed to put it back in, I fell short. 

I have been meditating and doing yoga but both have been amid multiple interruptions lately which definitely makes them less effective. Part of this is just the stage of life I am at with two small kids but part of it is needing to commit to finding a better time to attempt these practices.

I'm grateful to receive another aha moment. I'm grateful to see where my words and "commitments" are falling short and not followed through. I'm grateful to see the effect it is having on my body and see I need to make a change. I'm also grateful to see this other side of myself for what it is and allow myself to feel the anger rather than stuffing it away. I'm grateful to recognize it and be mindful that I am still choosing to my interactions and not releasing these emotions on others. I'm grateful to apologize and be humble to those who have been witness to this. I'm grateful to find a plan and start moving forward. I'm grateful to rely on my training as I look for ways to build habits instead of make commitments.

Which state are you currently living in (sympathetic or parasympathetic)? What habits help keep you in balance and what habits can you shift to make this even better? 

May we take steps each day to improve our mental health. May we find grace in the aha moments and use them to move forward. Have a beautiful day!

Like most people I am "over" being home. I go to work and come right home. I pick up ordered groceries from my car without the luxury of getting to choose my own items and then I return home.

I enjoy being home. I enjoy spending the quality time with my girls. But we could all use a change of scenery more than just the section of sidewalk we walk and our home. We miss swimming lessons and going to the pool. We miss playdates with all our friends. We miss going to the zoo and playgrounds. 

Part of me wants to just say "let's just go!" I want to get back to living. The other part of me knows that there have to be precautions and steps taken to ensure the safety of us as well as the grandparents. It can't be a decision made from mental exhaustion and isolation. It has to be made strategically and with one step at a time.

Once again I am reminded of a study I read years ago where people were asked to plan trips. Just planning the trip increased their happiness level. So that is a great place to start. I will start planning outings and see which ones I feel most excited about. That will help me know which one would be best to research further and make a real plan to try. Even so, I recognize it may be a couple more months before some of these things are options for my family. But at least we can plan and dream!

I'm grateful to start planning. I'm grateful for the excitement of the idea of getting out and doing something normal. I'm grateful we have been able to spend time with grandparents as we stay home and remain relatively low risk. I'm grateful for all the time I have gotten with my girls to focus on them and just play. I'm grateful to see how nice it is to not have errands to cram into each week. I'm grateful to start exploring options to balance while still keeping safety as a priority. I'm grateful for the wide range of beliefs my friends hold that allow me to get other perspectives. I'm grateful to trust my decisions.

What steps are you taking to balance home, safety, and normalcy? Where would you go if you could go anywhere, covid-free and no price limit?

May we find balance that works for each of us. May we stay safe and still get the mental support and balance we need. Have a beautiful day!

Today's rain was a good, long, hard power wash of a rain. It rumbled in and hung around longer than I expected, providing a much needed long drink to my plants.

It came down so hard that visibility was cut and I'm sure some of the rain was lost from the ground not being able to drink it up fast enough. But it sure was a blessing! 

Funny how rain is so often taken for granted or even wished away so the sun can shine. After so many days without rain and with blazing heat, it was a very welcome change. My girls and I played out in the rain. My girls got absolutely soaked which was fun to watch as the little one explored a puddle and the older one showed her how to jump in them.

It wasn't just the earth needing the wash. It helped clear my mood, well, that and having a playdate with the grandparents. It was a good reminder to rinse more than my physical body when I wash each morning. It was a reminder that my thoughts need a good power wash too.

I'm grateful for the reminder. I'm grateful to see messages reflected in nature. I'm grateful for a good rain to water this slice of earth. I'm grateful for the free carwash. I'm grateful to watch my girls having fun playing in the rain. I'm grateful we got to spend some time with the grandparents as they use some vacation time with us. I'm grateful to release some of the heavier thoughts that had been on my mind. I'm grateful to feel renewed.

When was the last time you had a good rainstorm pass by your home? When was the last time you power washed your thoughts and spirit? 

May today be a day of renewal. May we take the time to rinse away thoughts that are not helping us in living our best life. May we move forward feeling refreshed and renewed. Have a beautiful day!

Today had all the appearance of storms and rain but very little precipitation actually fell. It made it the perfect morning for a walk. We were up and around early so we had extra time between naps and lunch. The clouds overhead provided a nice respite from the sun and made the breeze feel much cooler. 

I focused on walking one foot at a time rather than my usual "on a mission" gait. I stopped to let my daughter smell every flower we passed. We stopped to let a couple sprinklers catch us. It was a nice, mosey kind of walk. It was exactly what my body needed with the fresh air and exactly what my spirit needed with the slow connection.

I'm grateful to just mosey. I'm grateful to go my daughter's speed. I'm grateful the baby was content to roll along in the stroller in her laid-back way as she rested. I'm grateful for this moment and this experience that remind me how important it is to slow down. I'm grateful for how things had slowed down during the shelter-in-place. I'm grateful to recognize that the only one causing stress and making us speed up, is me. I'm grateful to work on reconnecting. I'm grateful to be outside and not drenched in sweat. I'm grateful for a relaxing day.

What reminds you to slow down? When you walk, do you keep a fast pace or do you mosey?

May we all take time to mosey when we can. May we remember to reconnect to the slower pace that heals. Have a beautiful day!