Yesterday started off lovely as my husband and I took the girls out to a walking trail and enjoyed some nature time. There were other people out but we purposely chose a path a little harder to get to and it paid off even for a beautiful Saturday. We had plenty of space to wander along.

As we finished up at the park we decided to grab some lunch on the way home. Up until this point we have only picked up food and taken it home but the place we wanted had a packed drive thru and no one at any of the outdoor tables. My husband went in to order as I cleaned off a table and got the girls and myself situated. 

Overall it was a fine experience and gave the girls a change of scenery that they haven't had much of for months. One other group came out to the tables and my preschooler asked about her own mask because the other group had theirs. I told her we had forgotten them in my car when we took her dad's car out but it would be okay since we were just going to eat and go and we were outside away from others. 

Unfortunately the woman from the other table felt the need to respond to this with a rebuke directed to me. I do not like confrontation and had no response so I just chose to keep my attention on my children. It saddens me though to see all the hostility in the world right now. 

Between fears and pandemic, racism and violence, and now masks becoming a politically heated topic I feel like we are living on a volcano that is going to blow any moment. As an empath it is painful and draining. My energy has become an ocean of waves and I find myself trying to bring it back into balance while still meeting my family's needs and caring for my clients. 

So what do we do when the ocean is calmer than the land? How do we find our common humanity and kindness for each other when the world seems split into so many fractions? Where do we start?

We start with ourselves. We start from the heart. We take the next steps from a place of compassion and grace for where other people are coming from. And we do our part to put love back into this wounded world.

I'm grateful to see bigger things at play as mother nature moves her pawns. I'm grateful to know that to "win" doesn't mean someone else has to lose. I'm grateful to believe we can use these challenges to grow and change Together. I'm grateful to believe. I'm grateful to have faith that humanity and love can come out on top. I'm grateful to be vigilant of my own energy as I strive daily (and sometimes hourly) to find balance in the waves. I'm grateful to know my strength and know I can survive this. I'm grateful to give love.

How will you make a difference for the better? How can you give LOVE to the world no matter where they stand? How can we work together to heal this?

May today remind us we are stronger together. May we stand together to raise us all up to new levels of understanding and compassion. May we find equality, love, and healing. Have a beautiful day!

I've gotten in the habit of taking the reigns on my preschool-age daughter's schedule. To some extent it is necessary but I have noticed myself getting overly attached to doing everything on my schedule. In reality, most of these things can be a little more fluid. 

As you may have guessed if you have ever been around a three year old, she hasn't been taking it well. She really likes making her own decisions and having control. Toddler level options are not enough to appease my precocious child.

It will take some effort and practice getting back to a balance. Today offered several options to practice. I did not succeed at all of them but it was good practice all the same. 

During her sister's nap times she gets some special one on one time with me. The first nap is set aside for art and sensory things to do together. Partly this is because it is when we were doing some preschool stuff during the Spring and that translated to art or sensory play. The second nap is for Barbies, imaginative play, or on occasion a book or reading game on my kindle.

Anyway, the first nap rolled around and my daughter wanted to do a puzzle... a Kitty puzzle. Well we do not own a kitty puzzle so I suggested we make one. I got out some construction paper and we started talking about what shapes we would need to make a cat. I started drawing the shapes and she volunteered to cut them out for me. Perfect! 

Thirty minutes later we had shapes for a cat, dog, person and doghouse. She decided it would be better to Glue the pieces on a page together so her baby sister couldn't mess them up or eat them. Luckily, I have a whole roll of paper just for such purposes so we got that out. Then, of course, the picture needed some grass and crayon accents. It was a lot of fun watching the project grow and emerge. It was nice to just sit back and say "okay, let's do that!" 

Now as I hold on to that feeling of how nice it felt to release the control and just go with the flow, hopefully I can remember to let go of more things. I can use it as my guide to remember to follow rather than lead. And most importantly give my daughter back some of her control and independence that she has well earned.

I'm grateful for the reminder to let go. I'm grateful for how much fun we had creating together. I'm grateful to see how awesome my daughter's cutting skills have gotten as she cut out more and more complex shapes. I'm grateful for her own pride and joy as she watched her ideas manifest. I'm grateful to recognize the places I still have room to grow and do my best. I'm grateful for a child that is such a great teacher as I grow as a parent. 

Where does your life improve from letting go and letting someone else lead? Where does your life need a little more of you in charge?

May we find the balance that suits each of us. May we remember growth is part of life and be willing to out in the work to make change. Have a beautiful day!

Today was a challenging day, mostly because I got less than three hours of sleep last night. Teething is a rough time for the whole family and, while we banded together pretty well today, it was clear we were all lacking sleep.

My husband and I powered through as parents do; making an extra effort to consciously respond patiently and with understanding as the kids melted down time after time after time. When bedtime arrived our routine was thrown off by some damage being caused to our property while we were gone this evening. While my husband dealt with that I took on both girls' bedtime routines, praying for a quick easy time since they were both tired. There were a few hiccups and meltdowns. The baby stuck it out for nearly an hour of wailing but has finally drifted off, at least for the time being.

It is hard to drag my mind through the process of finding the positive side when I truly just want to go to sleep. But what comes to mind is last night's events. The baby screamed for nearly 3 and a half hours straight with nothing helping. I was mentally and emotionally ravaged and felt completely shattered. My husband held me together in a hug for nearly thirty minutes when our daughter finally went to sleep. The visual that came to mind was that of a chrysalis hugging a caterpillar as it morphs into a butterfly.

As I lay in bed after having my own meltdown and "cocooning" I focused on these questions. What do I want to fall away and what do I want to emerge? This was an opportunity. It was a challenge designed to make room for growth. So how will I choose to grow and emerge?

The answers are not simple. They are not going to just happen overnight. But in changing my focus from where I had "fallen short" in my mind to where I could grow, I can begin to let some light into the chrysalis and start my transformation to emerge.

I'm so grateful for my husband. He truly is my rock. I'm grateful he can be the shore that catches me as I crash in. I'm grateful to let the tears fall and accept responsibility and also forgiveness. I'm grateful to be a pretty good mom even as I see all the ways I need to work on myself. I'm grateful for the opportunities for me to grow that come to me through my beautiful children. I'm grateful to try to stay in this place of grace as I focus on the changes I want to make.

What challenges and opportunities for growth are presenting themselves to you? Who has your back? How do you make room for growth?

May today remind us there is no limit of times we get to re-emerge and grow. May we see the opportunities life gives us and make the changes we want to see. Have a beautiful day!

Asking for help can be a struggle for me sometimes. So what if I change it up; ask in a different way? Falling back on the minimal knowledge I have in other languages may be the ticket to breaking whatever stigma or negative energy I hold towards asking for help. 

Is this real? Yes and no. I use the technique when I am getting frustrated with my preschooler and needing to tell her something for the hundredth time in ten minutes. Zapatos, por favor. (Shoes, please.) Sietete. (Sit down.) It just kind of mixes it up for both of us rather than hear me say it in english once again. And there is something truly helpful about triggering this other portion of my brain. 

It has even encouraged me to seek out how to say common words and phrases in more languages so I can continue to trigger my higher brain rather than give in to negative energy. So perhaps this same tactic can be used when I am feeling overwhelmed and needing help. Perhaps I can erase the word I struggle with and reconnect to my higher brain function to find another way to ask. Ayudame, por favor.

I'm grateful for random ideas. I'm grateful when they work. I'm grateful to "use my words" as I try to teach my daughter. I'm grateful to ask for help in english tonight and then sit in the tangled process trying to sort its roots. I'm grateful to give myself another option for the days that may be too much to ask myself. I'm grateful for my daughter who helps me grow both in her playful moments and the challenging ones. I'm grateful for basic knowledge of spanish and to be learning some other language phrases too. I'm grateful my child does not know other languages well enough yet to correct my pronunciation. I'm grateful for a supportive, ready to help husband. 

How do you give yourself permission to do something that may be a struggle? Do you ever use other tactics to get around the challenge in the moment?

May today give us grace in navigating hurdles. May we find ways to grow even during challenges. Have a beautiful day!

Perhaps it is the weather, which has been grey and overcast and drizzly most days of the last couple weeks. Perhaps it is the knowledge that in less than a week I will return to work. Perhaps it is the worry that life will be speeding back up again when I return to the outside world. Or perhaps it is just the hormones shifting again as we near my daughter's first birthday and she is naturally slowing her nursing schedule. No matter the reason, I have been riding some big emotional waves this week.

The ups have been nice but not overly high. The lows have been deep and the tears have flowed. I feel like I am in mourning even though I am not sure all the elements behind it. 

It is a process to navigate through and on the other side I will find balance again. Things are once again changing. Just as I had to readjust for the shelter-in-place, I have to equally readjust to emerging back into the world. It is like a butterfly or perhaps a lotus flower. Now it is time to re-emerge.

I'm grateful for the wonderful people in my life that provide good conversation as I talk it out. I'm grateful for the love and support I receive each day. I'm grateful to know that this time at home was a beautiful blessing and to have cherished the moments of it. I'm grateful to know that I am still so lucky and blessed to get to spend the first half of my day with my girls each day. I'm grateful it is "summer" and we will not be navigating a return to school at the same time as my return to work. I'm grateful for my amazing clients who are so kind and welcoming. I'm grateful to know returning to work will help bring another side of my purpose back into play. I'm grateful to ride these waves, knowing they are part of the process and all is well.

How are you doing today? Is your life shifting or is it remaining as is for the time being? What would you like to bring with you as you emerge?

May today remind us that change is good. May we find gratitude in the process and beauty in the moments. Have a beautiful day!

I have long told myself I have the choice to cry or laugh when things are going "wrong". Depending on the situation I have chosen one or the other, or sometimes both. 

Nothing rips my heart apart like hearing my baby cry. It is a sound that makes my heart feel like it is shattering into a million pieces, even if I feel like there is nothing "really" wrong. 

The last two days my baby has been resisting sleep. I don't know if she is teething or having a regression or just extreme separation anxiety as we have had a few changes to our routine lately. No matter the reason she has been screaming for nearly an hour at nap and bed times. 

It makes me want to cry because I don't know how to "fix" it and help her. It makes me want to scream and curse in frustration. It makes me want to curl up in a ball and go to bed. But most of all it makes me want to hold her and rock her and do anything possible to let her know that I am there for her even if I cannot solve the problem. And so that is what I do; I sit and I hold her. I give my calmest, rhythmic shushing and when I feel like I am going to lose it and move into that frustration phase, I sing.

I don't know why but by singing it allows me to use my voice while using a melody and ingrained words to guide me back into that calm. I will sing the same verse of her bedtime lullaby thirty times in a row if need be. Usually it quiets her as she listens. Eventually she drifts off to sleep and I can go do the reparative self-care I need to "glue" my heart back together. 

I don't know if this is something every mom experiences. I don't know because I mostly don't talk about it. It is a tender place that I reserve for only the closest people to me to see. Mostly because there are times that I have to walk away and scream in a pillow and I am still working on healing the shame I feel in those moments. 

I'm grateful to just sing. I'm grateful to find a way to release my anxiety in a calm and positive way. I'm grateful that at least some of the time it helps. I'm grateful to know that while I am not perfect, I can be there for my baby. I'm grateful to remind myself it is just a stage. I'm grateful for my husband and preschooler that are waiting with open arms when I finally get the baby to sleep. I'm grateful for the way their sweet hugs can help mend my heart. I'm grateful to be vulnerable here in the hopes that if someone else is going through this they can know they are not alone. And I'm grateful to do my best to stay positive. Last, but not least, I'm grateful today is Cinco de Mayo and I get to make tacos for dinner. I realize this has nothing to do with my blog today but I'm grateful all the same because...well...yum!

Would you like to try singing "with" me? Next time something is weighing on your spirit, do you think you can sing? 

If the answer is no, there is nothing wrong with that. Sometimes we all need a good scream, or cry, or laugh. But I do hope whatever you need you let it out and find the comfort you need. 

May today remind us we always have options in our response. May we honor our vulnerability and listen to our spirit. Have a beautiful day!

Isn't it funny how we can get so focused on the problem that we forget to take a step back and allow the answer to show itself? Maybe this doesn't happen to you but it happens to me from time to time.

I know that my body communicates a wealth of information to me. It tells me what I need and what is out of balance. And when I ignore or neglect this knowledge my body "speaks" louder.

There has been a stye on my eye for over a month. I have tried the warm compresses and gentle massage. I even got it to open up twice only to have it remain. In fact, it was even bigger.

The eye, not surprisingly, represents our perspective of the world and what we choose to see. So I did my best to focus more on gratitude and try to bring some fun and laughter into my days. Yet the stye remained and I kept asking myself, "What am I not seeing?!"

I love the symbolism I find all around me. I love connecting the dots to find the spiritual aspect of imbalances when they show up. It gives me a sense of power over the path I choose and it feeds my sense of connection to something higher. But sometimes I have to laugh at how my mind takes over rather than letting intuition and spirit guide the symbolism.

About a week ago I let myself have a big cry. Some people call it ugly crying but really it is the most beautiful release we can give ourselves sometimes. I let go of trying to find the positive and trying to make myself feel the good of the situation and I gave in to a much needed sob-fest. 

The next day I felt like the stye was a little smaller but I ignored that and focused on the fact that it was still there. Another day passed and I gave myself a chance to admit that perhaps holding back all those tears was the message behind the stye. Perhaps it was time to release and find some emotional balance. Over the last few days I have let a few tears fall when they needed. I didn't hold back until my girls were napping or turn away to wash my face in the sink. I just let them fall. It turns out that when I do that, it only lasts a moment rather than an hour. The stye is almost gone.

No matter how much I "know" there is always room to grow. 

I'm grateful for this stye. I'm grateful for a good cry. I'm grateful to see the need to allow myself these releases in the moment rather than holding back for later. I'm grateful for my husband's patience and hugs. I'm grateful to be open and honest with my preschooler when she saw a few tears fall so she can learn a healthy connection to allowing her feelings. I'm grateful to be learning this connection myself. I'm grateful to be retraining and allowing. 

What is your body telling you? What imbalances are waiting to be freed? What is your relationship to your emotions?

May today allow us to embrace the many emotions that surface. May we find balance and listen to the messages our body is sending. May we step out of our heads and allow the spiritual messages to flow. Have a beautiful day!

Last night brought the little sleep but lots of cuddles that motherhood frequently brings. I will admit the lack of sleep had me a bit impatient this morning and yes, a little grumpy. While I love the snuggles and those precious moments with my girls it takes its toll.

Thankfully I am "armed" with a whole bag full of resources. Usually after the baby's morning nap we either do a dance party or an obstacle course to get some energy out before lunch. Today I was more in the mood for yoga as my energy was dragging. 

My preschooler recently re-discovered my Laughter Yoga Big Book of Exercises. She really likes taking my big book of kids yoga exercises and flipping through to create her own flow. So I offered her the same option with my Laughter Yoga book today. 

In just five minutes of hearty laughter exercises I was feeling refreshed and re-energized. Of course, we didn't stop after only five minutes; we worked our way through a third of that big book! After lunch and getting both girls down for nap, doing my course work, doing some photo editing as well as assisting my husband with some things I can feel my energy starting to sag again. But I still have time for a quick breather and I know I can bring my energy back up with a little silliness and help from my girls.

I'm grateful for laughter. I'm grateful to just be silly. I'm grateful for the ways my girls keep me young. I'm grateful for all the resources I have picked up on my unusual journey. I'm grateful for all the trails I have explored. I'm grateful for Laughter Yoga and the great community it brought me. I'm grateful to pass on this tool to my girls. I'm grateful for their laughter and even for their looks of "she's lost her mind" that spur my own laughter. I'm grateful for this beautiful life.

When was the last time you had a good, long, loud laugh? Who could you call and share a laugh with today?

May today remind us laughter is the best medicine. May we keep taking those deep breaths and deep laughs that keep our body, mind, spirit, and lungs healthy. Have a beautiful day!

I got another wonderful life lesson from my preschool age daughter today. We were playing one of those Facebook games where you ask your kid questions. How old is your mom? Fifteen. If you could go anywhere, where would you go? The zoo! 

The last question of the game was "What will life be like when you're an adult?" My daughter said she would be tall enough to reach all the cabinets. (Apparently I am not an adult yet if this is our standard of measurement...) I asked what she would do if she were tall enough to reach. She replied that she would be able to reach the tv remotes. I laughed and said, "oh so you would be able to watch tv when you wanted." 

Her reply was "no, I would get all the remotes in the whole world and I would push all the buttons but none of them would work. I would just be very frustrated!" "How would you problem solve that?" I asked her. She told me she would just break all the tv's and be sad and mad forever. After a few minutes of trying to talk through this idea with her I finally had to just remind myself to let her have her answer. She was not budging. According to her being mad and sad forever was her only choice. 

It broke my heart. I mean this idea really ate at me. Am I not modeling a positive lifestyle? Does she think I am angry and sad all the time? Was this a manifestation of what she is feeling now and I just can't find a way to connect with her to help her through it? I really let it get me in a funk.

But just like I was telling my daughter that she had a choice, not only in how she responded but in what she could choose to do instead... I ALSO have a choice! I have the choice to not let this silly response eat at me. I have the choice to keep marching along my happy path and modeling that choice. I have the choice to accept that no matter what I model, she is her own person with her own path and it may or may not be the one I would want for her. 

I'm grateful to remember I have a choice. I'm grateful to accept that my daughter is strong enough to choose her own path. I'm grateful to remind myself that my role is to guide and model. I'm grateful to hear my own mom's laughter today as I relayed the story that had me so sad. I'm grateful for that simple reminder that I had the choice to laugh at the silly things a three year old may say rather than take it to heart that this is really the life she will choose twenty years from now. I'm grateful to laugh a little at the silly idea that is and how the mind, if left unchecked, can run down an unproductive path. I'm most grateful to re-route and choose a more positive path for myself.

What will you choose today? What thoughts will you let grow and which will you re-route? 

May today remind us that we all have a choice, no matter what someone else's choices are. May we choose the path that brings us joy. Have a beautiful day!

Amid the escalating and constantly changing situation outside it was nice to finally get some clarity for myself. I will admit that I have let my anxiety control me for several days. I've felt wishy-washy on what to do and how to respond, hoping someone would make the hard decisions for me.

Last night I could not sleep between a baby that was wide awake most the night and my own anxiety running rampant through my thoughts. I tried to sleep in this morning but as soon as my sleep had a minor interruption it was no use. Even a guided meditation could not derail and reboot my thoughts. 

We decided to go ahead and celebrate my mom's birthday. Being around my family helped tremendously. There was a lot of talk about what is happening with Covid-19 but also some good laughs and distractions. It was nice to see them and allow things to feel a little bit "normal" again as we enjoyed family lunch.

After leaving I felt more clear in what directions and steps I would take. I started by making a mental list of all unnecessary risks that I could easily spare my family. I then composed a message to my clients setting clear boundaries and reminding them to think of the community in making their own decisions. It got a very positive response which gave me more reassurance that I was not the only one seeking some direction and initiative. 

I'm grateful to step up. I'm grateful to stop looking to everyone else to tell me what to do and do what makes sense for me and my family. I'm grateful to mentally preparing the next steps in my head. I'm grateful to be finding my voice and my path amidst the uncertainty. I'm grateful for laughs shared with family as well as good sounding board chats. I'm grateful to get other perspectives to take into account. I'm grateful to follow what feels good to my heart and know that it will help my mental state as well as my sleep.

What is right for you? What precautions would help you feel confident and secure? How can you take the steps you need to find your inner peace and calm amidst this "storm"? 

May today remind us to think not only of our loved ones but those in our community. May we make the decisions we feel are right for the greater good and for our own peace of mind. Have a beautiful day!