Well yesterday's return to work definitely had some hiccups. It did not go as smoothly as I had hoped but I muddled through it. Replaying it in my head kept me up most of the night. What could I have done better? How could I have done things more efficiently or effectively or did I just simply need to plan more time?

I can't say I reached a conclusion but I did manage to pass out from exhaustion and get a few hours sleep. Tonight I will try again. Hopefully my communication will be more effective and my rhythm will begin to return. 

I am finding there is a strong need to balance faith and trust with common sense and caution. If I let myself get too focused on the risks, I am paralyzed to move forward. If I let myself rely solely on faith, I put the people I love at risk. Balance is essential!

I'm grateful to have a husband that can help me tip the scale either way to remind me where that balance falls. I'm grateful to have strong faith and strong common sense. I'm grateful for educating myself on the best ways to clean effectively and what steps need taken to reduce risk as much as possible. I'm grateful for the support I receive as I find my best balance. I'm grateful to have a big heart and want to help everyone. I'm grateful to be working on stronger boundaries so I can help those who need it while still keeping my own balance. I'm grateful for flexibility at work as I navigate the hiccups and try again.

How do you regroup after things go awry? Do you have someone you talk to that helps you see the other side of the picture? 

May today remind us that finding a new normal will take time. May we find balance in faith and in common sense. Have a beautiful day!

Did you ever get butterflies in your stomach on the first day of school? Did you feel that anxious flutter before a big game or important interview? When I was younger I took for granted that everyone must feel that way. As I have gotten older I have learned that this isn't the case.

Well today I am writing my blog early because I will return to work this afternoon. And let me tell you, I feel the butterflies as if it were my first day of school. 

I know my job well. I have been a massage therapist for fourteen years now. But this is my first time being a massage therapist during a pandemic with all the new protocols and safety checks. I am confident in the plan my coworker, boss, and I have set up but this will be my first day actually implementing it. 

While I know it will go fine and it will "all work out" and all that, logically, my energy is anxious all the same. It is something I am accustomed to, having known myself all my life. I have resources in place like my favorite massage music and breathing techniques for the drive to help me balance before I actually see my clients. 

I still think it is funny though that I have been talking about butterflies emerging from the chrysalis several times in the last month as I spoke of Spring and of my return to work. Today I get to feel them emerging in my energy.

The other symbol that has been showing up for me a lot this week is the spider. If you know me, you know this is not my favorite symbol to be physically near to me. 

Last night there was one on the car windshield as we drove down the street. The entire ride it was pacing and watching me as I did my best to keep my skin from crawling right off my bones. Then this morning there was another large one right on my daughter's highchair tray. (That one was promptly eliminated because you don't mess with my babies.)

Spiders symbolize feminine power as well as "weaving" our future. It reminds us to use our power (I know how ironic this is that I am afraid of them.) and consciously construct the life we want. It reminds us to recognize both our light and dark aspects to find our strengths. 

Well, my strength is in healing and hopefully in adding some light and gratitude to the world. So that is what I am going to do. I am going to trust the protocols I helped put in place to keep myself and my clients safe. I am going to welcome them into that safe, healing environment and start them back on the path to feeling their best. It is what I do and that is what I will focus on today.

I'm grateful for all the resources out there to help me learn how to clean to a new degree for pandemic conditions. I'm grateful for all the resources out there making sure people have masks, gloves, and sanitizers to return to work safely. I'm grateful for all those on the front lines helping the sick and nursing them back to health. I'm grateful for the bubble I have enjoyed at home. I'm grateful to have a meaningful purpose outside the home. I'm grateful to help people live their best lives. I'm grateful for the butterflies and the spiders that give me some ironic giggles.

What symbols are emerging for you today? What energy are you feeling? 

May today remind us we are not alone (and no farther than ten feet from a spider). May we face our fears and summon courage from the butterflies as we step toward our purpose and path. Have a beautiful day!

Today is a great day to reboot my gratitude "system". Several hiccups interrupted my plan of how today would go. I managed to keep my cool and continue to remind myself to turn it around and make the best. But I am reminded that not only can I make the best, I can also remind myself how privileged and blessed I am in so many ways.

Let's see, today is the 26th so how about 26 gratitudes? I'm completely serious. We all have plenty to be grateful for if we are willing to look. Here goes my 26...

I'm grateful to wake up to an alarm next to my husband rather than a child's wail or on the floor of an up-all-night kiddo.
I'm grateful for my kiddos both sleeping decently well last night.
I'm grateful for our home that allows us plenty of space and also plenty of togetherness.
I'm grateful for our neighborhood and the nice features like a short, private walking trail.
I'm grateful for my family's shared love of nature.
I'm grateful for all we teach each other every day.
I'm grateful for love and laughter shared.
I'm grateful for friends.
I'm grateful for the connections I have made that have lasted most my life.
I'm grateful for new friends that have shared interests or journeys and all the support we gain from each other.
I'm grateful to live in an area full of amazing activities and support networks. 
I'm grateful to have a wonderful public library system.
I'm grateful the library is reopening for drive-thru book checkout this week.
I'm grateful for the abundance of books they offer and that we have at home already.
I'm grateful my girls love books as much as I do.
I'm grateful to be "simple".
I'm grateful to unwind with a book or word search.
I'm grateful to take some time to get back on an exercise routine.
I'm grateful to listen to my daughters' needs and give them some extra time today, finding new games and new songs to dance to to bring us together.
I'm grateful for the book "Love You Forever" and how accurately it can depict some days with small children.

If I'm counting right, I already have 20. Let's see...

I'm grateful for a monitor that allows me to listen to my girls sleeping in their rooms from anywhere else. 
I'm grateful for some quiet time as they nap.
I'm grateful for the beauty they have brought to my life and the whole new level of love that I have experienced.
I'm grateful for my dog and all she has gone through with me.
I'm grateful she has her medicine back and can enjoy her days.
I'm grateful for this blog that keeps me accountable for focusing on gratitude and giving something positive back to the world for all the blessings I have received.

I hope that you have found some gratitude in yoru day as well. Have a beautiful day! 

Today is Memorial Day, a day of remembering our loved ones who are not here with us today. I'm not one to go decorate a grave site. For me, personally, I prefer to see the "reflection" of my loved ones in the Cardinals and butterflies I see every day. I prefer to focus on the spirit and energy of them that I still feel in my heart.

So far today has been getting some last minute projects done before I return to work this week. My parents came over to help with some of them and spend time with the girls. It was nice to get to see them and have lunch together.

Before they left we were all out on the deck talking. I had hoped maybe a cardinal or two would come by, a symbol of my grandparents. If they did, I didn't see them. Instead, as I was standing there holding my youngest, something fell between my face and my baby's. I saw a streak as it landed on her shirt and for a second I thought it was bird poop. Luckily it was not; it was a green caterpillar. 

What beautiful symbolism! It is a great reminder of rebirth as a caterpillar turns to a butterfly (or moth) and the spirit moves to another form. It is also so fitting right now as we, as a society, are beginning to re-emerge from this shelter-in-place.

I'm grateful for the beauty of the spirits I feel around me. I'm grateful for the symbolism I find in nature. I'm grateful to have so many Cardinals in our backyard. I'm grateful to feel the presence of loved ones who have passed and I'm grateful to spend my days with the loved ones that are still walking this earth. I'm grateful to get some projects knocked off the list. I'm grateful to still have plenty of time for a family walk, meals together, and some water play on the deck. I'm grateful my family loves being outdoors as much as I do. I'm grateful to remember those who have walked before me but also to remember to walk each day being present of the gift it is to be here.

Who are you remembering today? What ways to you connect or honor them? How did you choose to spend your day?

May today allow us to be present. May we feel connected with our loved ones. Have a beautiful day!

Today may be Sunday, but it is the Sunday before Memorial Day. Without work tomorrow, today feels more like a Saturday. For that matter, the last four days have felt like Saturday.

My husband took off work last Wednesday through Friday for our anniversary. The plan was to do a little family camping but that plan fell through. Instead we did things around home with our girls and knocked out a few projects as well. But each day felt like Saturday with no one working and the schedule open. 

Have you seen the movie Groundhog's Day? Bill Murray keeps reliving the same day over and over again. The last five days have been our groundhog's day but in the very best of ways.

We had a picnic and played outside a lot with the drone and bubbles. We filled the water table then watched as the girls splashed it empty again. We played games with the girls and knocked out projects during their nap times. My husband and I got to watch shows and even a movie together! It is amazing how much can fit in a day when both parents are home and tuned in!

Tomorrow is Memorial Day. It is a day of remembrance. It is also the last day for us to knock out our projects before I head back to work. Most of all it is a day to remember what is truly important and spend time with family. 

It has been a truly beautiful stay-cation week. I'm so grateful to cross some things off our list. I'm grateful to get to spend time together as a family. I'm grateful for a fun impromptu picnic. I'm grateful to do several carry-out food orders as we have not eaten out much during this shelter-in-place. I'm grateful for the joy on my girls' faces as we spend time with them. I'm grateful to watch my husband try to play Barbies with our eldest. I'm grateful for the quality time my husband and I got together. I'm grateful our dog is back on her meds and feeling good. I'm grateful to have gotten this opportunity.

What day would you like to repeat for several days? What would you do with the time? Who would you share the time?

May today remind us what is important. May we take time to reflect tomorrow and remember those whom we have lost. May we also focus on who is important to us here and now and let them know. Have a beautiful day! 

Perhaps it is the weather, which has been grey and overcast and drizzly most days of the last couple weeks. Perhaps it is the knowledge that in less than a week I will return to work. Perhaps it is the worry that life will be speeding back up again when I return to the outside world. Or perhaps it is just the hormones shifting again as we near my daughter's first birthday and she is naturally slowing her nursing schedule. No matter the reason, I have been riding some big emotional waves this week.

The ups have been nice but not overly high. The lows have been deep and the tears have flowed. I feel like I am in mourning even though I am not sure all the elements behind it. 

It is a process to navigate through and on the other side I will find balance again. Things are once again changing. Just as I had to readjust for the shelter-in-place, I have to equally readjust to emerging back into the world. It is like a butterfly or perhaps a lotus flower. Now it is time to re-emerge.

I'm grateful for the wonderful people in my life that provide good conversation as I talk it out. I'm grateful for the love and support I receive each day. I'm grateful to know that this time at home was a beautiful blessing and to have cherished the moments of it. I'm grateful to know that I am still so lucky and blessed to get to spend the first half of my day with my girls each day. I'm grateful it is "summer" and we will not be navigating a return to school at the same time as my return to work. I'm grateful for my amazing clients who are so kind and welcoming. I'm grateful to know returning to work will help bring another side of my purpose back into play. I'm grateful to ride these waves, knowing they are part of the process and all is well.

How are you doing today? Is your life shifting or is it remaining as is for the time being? What would you like to bring with you as you emerge?

May today remind us that change is good. May we find gratitude in the process and beauty in the moments. Have a beautiful day!

Things are beginning to open back up. The numbers seem to be holding steady so far without a spike in cases. The light at the end of the tunnel seems to be glimmering ahead. 

I got to take the first active steps in planning for my return to work and was met with eager responses. But what is the new normal? There are new protocols and measures in place which means different scheduling. My coworkers and I have to do more co-planning. 

It is also an opportunity to create the schedule I want now that my family has slowed down and re-prioritized. It is a chance to hold my boundaries. It is a chance to rebuild.

I'm grateful for this opportunity. I'm grateful to feel the pull in all directions to remind me what I don't want. I'm grateful to create how things will look moving forward with my husband's input. I'm grateful for a flexible family. I'm grateful for a great client community and an eager welcome back. I'm grateful to love what I do and look forward to creating this new normal.

What will your new normalcy be as we move forward? How do you want your life to look?

May we make conscious steps moving forward to create the path we want. May we have the courage to step out of the ruts of where we have been. May we find joy, beauty, and gratitude as we move forward. Have a beautiful day!

We have all run across challenges in our lifetime. What that looks like can be different person to person or even  day to day. What challenges us at one point of our lives may seem minor at a different point in our lives if we come across it again. 

Sometimes it isn't even the task itself that is the challenge. The real question, is the challenge worth the reward?

A lot of times what challenges us is the next step to whatever goal of life achievement we are pursuing. When we are dating, the next challenge is deciding to marry or to find someone new. Will I go after this dream job? Will I hike to the top of Everest? Will I choose to have a child, or another child? 

It always comes down to, is the challenge worth the reward. If it is, then do it! If it is worth succeeding at, then go all in. And sometimes the reason something seems so challenging is because it is not worth the reward but is required anyway, such as a work requirement. Without the feeling of worth behind it, the task seems harder than it would be if we were motivated.

The question is, what reward is worth it? We can find ways to make challenges easier, or at least more motivating by finding the reward that makes it worth it. 

Last week I watched my ten month old climb a ladder. I stayed near, of course, but it was interesting to observe. She is the more cautious child, of my two so far. It took her about five full minutes to climb the five or six steps to the top and all for a shiny, gold-colored point that was sticking out of the doorway of her sister's treehouse. Each movement was full of trembles and each moved hand grip was well planned and white-knuckled, but she was determined to get to what turned out to be a unicorn pillow's horn. 

We don't have to be chasing unicorns to make it worth it. It doesn't even have to be something big, a life milestone. We just have to find the reward to feels good to us.

There has been a lot of divide during this pandemic. Some people saying it is the end of the world and others saying it isn't real and it is conspiracy. Some people have complained about shelter-in-place and can't wait to reopen while others want to see another month or more of staying in. I can't say who is right or wrong because I only know what is best for me and my family. 

For me, shelter-in-place was worth the reward of time with my family and feeling like I was doing my part to help people stay healthy. It was worth it for the huge shift it brought and ability to step back and take a wider look at my schedule and priorities. Going back to work will be worth the reward as well, as we get to return to a two income family and I get to have a little stronger identity outside being a mom. 

Parenthood is no easy task. Yet it is so worth the reward when I look into my daughters' eyes. The toddler and preschool age can be a challenge because of the duality of independence and co-dependence that exudes every interaction. But I would still say this age is one of my favorite because they still love so deeply and cuddly too.

I'm grateful for my life. I'm grateful for the challenges I have been through, yes even the ones that felt dark at the time, because they all brought me right here to this point. I'm grateful for every broken heart that led me to my husband. I'm grateful for every rough day that ends in a cuddly night with my daughter and even more grateful for the smooth days that follow. I'm grateful to get to hold my girls tight. I'm grateful for this time at home with them. I'm grateful to be gaining more confidence about returning to work. I'm grateful to know each bit is its own season. I'm grateful to be moving forward in trust.

I do not know your story. I do not know your challenges. It could be health related, relationship, or something completely different. Whatever it is, is it worth the reward? Can you find a reward worthy to make the challenge feel smaller? 

May today remind us we have survived every challenge so far. May we find beauty in the reward and know when to change course when it isn't worth it. Have a beautiful day!

My preschooler and I had a good opportunity to talk today. She asked me why I have been on my phone so much. Then she expressed that she was "sick of this house!"

Usually I make it a point to not be on my phone when my kids are awake because I know they need attention and connection. During the shelter-in-place it has been pretty easy because I don't have clients that I have to schedule and respond to so I have mostly ditched my phone for hours at a time. The possibility and planning of going back to work has brought lots of texts as we all try to figure out what is needed, what protocols need put in place, and who will be allowed to come first. 

Honesty goes a long way with kids so I decided to address the big issue first. "I am sick of this house too! I'm ready for things to open back up so we can go do fun things like the zoo and playdates and just get out. I would even be happy if the weather would at least cooperate so we could play on the deck and go for walks again."

She agreed but seemed a little confused, why were we here then? I reminded her why we are home and let her know that some things might start opening up again soon. But that also meant I would be returning to work soon and so I had to figure out how to do that safely and tell my clients what day they could come in. 

Now she looked a little less sure about what she wanted. She has told me frequently during all this that she is so happy I don't work anymore. I hopped in as I saw her processing this potential bad news. I said, "since I don't have to go to work today or tomorrow, how about I put my phone down and we focus on having a dance party for now?" 

There is a lot to get done in the coming days but I also have to remember to enjoy these last days and moments home with my girls. I have truly loved getting to spend so much quality time with them, not just shuttling between school and errands and playdates. I don't want to miss out on these moments of connection to answer a text that can wait until nap time without any negative impact. 

I'm grateful for this reminder to stay present from my daughter. I'm grateful to be honest that being home is getting a little old. I'm grateful for the time home with my girls. I'm grateful for all the milestones I've witnessed. I'm grateful for all the beautiful moments as we navigated this new "adventure" together. I'm grateful things may be opening soon but grateful to keep a level head and make sure I feel it is safe for myself and my clients. I'm grateful to know we are all in this together.

Honestly, how are you doing as this covid-19 continues? What supports do you need? What will be changing for you and how do you feel about it?

May today remind us to stay present. May we be honest and use that honesty to guide us to make the best decisions moving forward. Have a beautiful day!