Today is 10/10, so it's bound to be a good day, right? One of the best gifts, to me, is being heard.

Throughout my childhood I struggled to really project my voice and be heard. As an adult I have done slightly better with this only to have reached the phase of my life called Parenthood. I am currently in the phase of Parenthood blessed with a special kind of ignoring that only a preschooler can manage to pull off and still seem sweet and innocent. I won't lie, it drives me crazy.

​My husband and I have made more of an effort to find times to communicate despite two small kids and working opposite schedules. But there are still days where I am climbing into bed and the only adult conversations I've had were a quick rundown of the girls' day for their dad and my nearly daily chat with my mom. So it is not surprising that when offered an adult conversation I jump at the chance.

Two conversations have really stuck out this week. Neither were typical people I get to have long conversations with very often. It was an extra treat to then get reassurance and agreement from them in a decision I have gone back and forth on in my head for a while. It isn't that their opinion weighs more but rather that they heard my point of view. 

I'm grateful for this interaction. I'm grateful to feel heard. I'm grateful for my husband and my best efforts to make time to have conversations beyond who needs fed and when one or the other of us will be home from work. I'm grateful to slow down a little. I'm grateful to do my best to offer my ears and attention to others needing to be heard. I'm grateful for time to hang out with my best friend. And I'm grateful for a good, productive conference today. I'm grateful to see the numbers and read them as a positive sign. And I'm glad the universe is acting accordingly.

What helps you feel heard? What conversations fill your cup? Who have you been meaning to call and catch up with and how can you carve out some time?

May today remind us that being heard is an easy gift to give. May we listen as much as we speak. And may we feel heard on the topics that mean the most to us. Have a beautiful day!

Three months ago today I was in complete denial that my water had just broken. In some ways I can't believe it has already been three months. Where did the time go? She is growing so fast! 

In other ways I can't believe only three months time could change so much. I can't imagine life without our sweet baby girl. It seems like longer since we had a screaming-in-pain six week old when I look at my mellow, smiling thirteen week old. We've already been through a few bumps but they were all so worth it.

I read an article today asking if you could go back, knowing what you know now, would you choose to have children again. Rather than everyone saying "absolutely" or "it was rough but totally worth it" there was a lot of raw honesty. One mom whose son had mental health issues says she would not if only to save him the struggle he will face his whole life. One scientist wrote no because of the climate issues that our children will have to face. And several others said they loved their kids but no, if they had the choice again they would not. 

I read that article and let these comments sink in. These parents answered honestly. It's not that the "it was worth it" answers are not honest; they are definitely some people's truth. But it was healing to me in some way to hear that not everyone feels that way. It doesn't mean they love their kids any less. It just means they would have made a different choice. 

Becoming a mother with my first was a much rougher transition than I had been prepared for. It was hard for me to accept the areas I fell short of my own high expectations. I worried that I may fall down the same hole with my second but it turns out once those standards were proven impractical the journey for number two has been much smoother. 

Reading the responses in the article gave me permission to ask myself what my honest answer would be. I think I would have been happy after my first divorce moving forward with the plans I made based on remaining on my own. But no matter how happy I would have been it always would have been my "plan B". I always wanted to be a mom and even with the rough transition, no matter how many times I get thrown up on, no matter how many poop accidents I have to clean, and no matter how many tantrums I have to navigate; this would always be my choice. I wouldn't change my mind because of the challenges because nothing compares to the love, the hugs, the "love you mommy", and most of all the watching a child grow into themselves and waiting to see what beauty they will add to the world.

Yes, there are many problems with the world as it is today. The climate is only one of those troubles my girls will face. But I truly believe nothing is set in stone. We can use our children for motivation if we need to to prompt us to make those changes. And we can build our children up to use their minds and confidently pursue ways to make this world better. 

I'm grateful for the raw honesty of the article. I'm grateful for the perspective of those parents that gave a different response. I'm grateful to allow myself to take an honest look at this question myself. I'm grateful to know I could have been happy either way. I'm grateful to know that I have no regrets. I'm grateful to know that each challenge makes me stronger and that it is worth it for the love I get to give and receive. I'm grateful for three amazing months with my little and three wild and wonderful years with my oldest. I'm grateful for many more to come. I'm grateful for my beautiful girls. And I'm grateful to still use the word beautiful even as the world is trying to tell us not to comment on girls' beauty, because there are a million types of beautiful both inside and out and my girls will know they are beautiful in their own way. I'm grateful to be a mom and I'm grateful to be on this journey with my amazing husband who is my rock and soulmate.

Would you choose your current path again? What aspects do you appreciate and which would you change? How can you move toward the life you most want?

May we all find he blessings in the path we chose. May we move forward with no regrets but a healthy dose of honesty. Have a beautiful day!

I prefer feeling like I have some level of control. Unfortunately having a preschooler and a baby frequently proves otherwise. I cannot make a preschooler poop on the toilet any more than I can make a baby eat before we have to head out for errands. They are their own people with their own agendas and ideas.

When control is lacking I find myself stressed and even cranky. I'm not sure why I choose this reaction because it doesn't help the situation. So rather than continue this pattern I have been looking for other reactions to choose. 

Lack of control often reflects my lack of self-care as well. While I "commit" to self-care regularly it rarely makes itself a habit before getting lost in the list of to do's again. Yet one thing that helps both to fill my self-care cup and navigate the loss of control is creativity. Luckily I consider myself a very creative person.

My daughter and I enjoy playing a game called Story Cubes. You roll the dice and line up the pictures to tell your own story. It is up to the person telling the story if it is a happy story or not. The symbolism of this in relation to a day with children is astounding.

When we wake up in the morning it is a dice roll how the day will go with a preschooler. Will she want to get dressed? What will we eat? Are those "listening ears" going to be functioning at all? Will we be in dawdle mode for every step? Yet with a little creativity I can tell the story in a positive way. I can use games and "tricks" to move us along our course. Some days this is easier said than done, but it sure beats feeling stressed and cranky.

I'm grateful to give myself grace, knowing I did my best in the moment. I'm grateful to know that stress and feeling cranky is my own choice. I'm grateful to recognize I have the power to shift this reaction. I'm grateful to find a way to play and fill my cup. I'm grateful for Story Cubes. I'm grateful to just allow myself to laugh.

How do you rewrite your story from frustration to fun? What creative ways have you found to release control over what cannot be controlled?

May today provide us the strength to choose creativity. May our creativity flow and grow with each use. Have a beautiful day!

As we enter into a new work week I can't help but have marriage on my mind. My husband and I were lucky to have carved out a small portion of one on one time this weekend despite multiple anti-nap shenanigans by our girls. Also this week marks my parents' anniversary, forty-one years. 

It was said so well in Princess Bride. "Mawwiage, that bwessed awwangement, that dweam within a dweam, and wove, twue wove." It is said so well not because of the humor, though I do love that movie, but because of how it is said. Marriage is a blessed arrangement. It is hopefully a dream within a dream and true love. But ike the pronunciation, or perhaps just enunciation, it is not perfect.

Marriage, true marriage wasn't meant to be picture perfect. It wasn't meant to be the reflection of the crystal goblets and eating off the fine china in candle light with never a negative word said. It was meant to be spaghetti left on the chair and sat in, bonfires that sometimes get larger than planned, and renovations both of the home and of the relationship.

We weren't made to be rigidly one way for our whole life. Life shapes us and we shift and adapt in return. Marriage is like life. Things come our way and we each adapt in our own way. The beauty is being able to adapt our own way and still respect, love, and if we're lucky even understand our mate. Marriage is the ability to go through all that and still take each others' hand and say "what's next?" 

I'm grateful to witness the beauty of my parents' marriage. I'm grateful for all they have taught me as they navigated their marriage. I'm grateful to hold hope for my husband and I celebrating forty-one years of marriage even though we started much later. I'm grateful for Princess Bride and for this quote that is beautifully perfect in its imperfect delivery. I'm grateful to be walking my path with my soulmate and to make the commitment to each other even amongst the distractions of life. I'm grateful for our beautiful daughters and even their shenanigans. 

What does marriage look like to you? What is the most important aspect of your own view of marriage?

May we cherish the moments we have with the ones we love. May we come through each bump stronger and more in love. And may we renew our commitment each day. Have a beautiful day!

We all have a "breaking" point. We have a point of getting heated up to the level of boiling where we may shout. 

I will admit I have a temper. I struggle sometimes with emotional regulation which is what drew me to meditation in the first place. It provides a haven for me to rebalance. 

Two kids and a hectic schedule do not allow for as much meditation as I would like. Yet finding the time to meditate makes me a better "me", a better mom, and a better human. It allows me that reset of patience and calm.

I love my preschooler to pieces. She is an amazing kid, so smart and funny, precocious and loving. She also has an amazing knack for finding just the right buttons to push. 

I am by no means a perfect mom. But I do my best to respond to my daughter rather than react and I do my best to keep a level, patient voice as best as possible. Unfortunately this usually results in venting to my husband at the end of the day and feeling like I am ending the day on a negative note. 

Awareness is half the battle. Know better, do better. And most of all I think it is important to give myself grace for all the little "wins". Today was full of many little wins as I got practice in responding and that is something to give myself credit for tonight.

I'm grateful to stop the negative spiral and give myself credit for what I did right. I'm grateful to know tomorrow is a new day. I'm grateful to see where I need to take more time for me and for my kids. I'm grateful to notice balance and imbalance in myself. I'm grateful for deep breaths and meditation chants to get me through when I cannot actually stop to meditate. I'm grateful for my husband's patience in my end of day release. I'm grateful to recognize this teapot habit and know I can shift it to something more positive.

What pushes your buttons? How do you recenter? How often do you find yourself becoming the heated teapot?

May today grant us cooling time. May we give ourselves grace for the struggles and celebrate the wins. Have a beautiful day!

This week has been a big reflection on death, what's important, and what will be remembered. Monday brought the untimely loss of my uncle. Today is my grandpa's birthday. He passed away three years ago, just days before my first daughter was born, but I still miss him like it was a month ago.

Right now everyone is talking about my uncle. He was always there to help in whatever way he could. He stayed with my grandpa in the hospital. He was always up for watching any of his grandkids. He would give you the shirt off his back. He was silly and fun. And it is hard to believe we will never get to hear his laugh again.

When my grandma passed away my parents took my grandpa to go visit some siblings in the northwest. I was struggling with the idea that I would never hear my grandma's voice again. I would not get to hear her funny saying. One of the people they went to visit was my grandma's sister, whom I knew best by her outrageously fun personality and loud laugh. I asked my mom, when they saw her, to record her laugh for me. I didn't have a recording of my grandma but I could get one of her sister's merriment at least. Unfortunately it wasn't the trip for merriment.

My grandpa will forever be remembered by his orneriness first and foremost. He was also a wealth of knowledge on natural remedies and cures. I frequently asked for his opinion and wisdom and I still find myself feeling a little lost and heartbroken each time I have to try to research an issue on my own. I will always remember his smile.

So in reflecting on what I cherish in memory of my loved ones, I must ask myself; how do I want to be remembered? Will they say I would do anything for my family? Will they remember me as playful and fun and laughing or serious and stressed and rushed? How will my kids remember me as a mom? And what do I need to change to offer positive traits to remember me by?

I'm grateful for this week of reflection, though I would give anything for it to be under different circumstances. I'm grateful for my uncle's laugh and generosity. I'm grateful for my grandpa's orneriness and wisdom. I'm grateful for my great aunt's over the top playful personality. I'm grateful for my playful, silly side. I'm grateful for my creativity and my big heart. I'm grateful to truly believe family is the most important thing in the world. I'm grateful to start today in making little changes to be sure I am remembered for the positive traits that are part of me. I'm grateful to remember to live and to live for today.

How will you be remembered? What gap is there between daily life and who you want to be immortal?

May today remind us that each day is a choice to be our best self. May we take steps to bridge the gap between how we act and how we want to be remembered. Have a beautiful day!

If ever there was an appropriate day to ditch the to do list, this is it. The news last night of my uncle's unexpected passing still hasn't fully processed into reality.

Rather than add stress by rushing around to clean and run errands it seems to be a good day for sitting back. It has proved the perfect day for the word "yes". "Mommy will you read me another book?" -Yes. "Mommy will you snuggle me?" -Yes. "whuaaaaaaaa!" (Translation:"Mommy will you hold me all day long, never put me down or be out of my sight?") -Yes. "Mommy can I have..." -Yes "...a carrot?" Wait, what? My kid wants a carrot? Absolutely! Haha. 

Today we woke early so it was a nice slow morning getting round for school. There was extra time for books. The kids in my daughter's class all loved the snack of pepper cups stuffed with cucumber and carrots. (Who says kids don't love vegetables?!) After lunch we made time for a craft and even a short walk. The added beauty being my daughter went down or nap with no protest...well, my older daughter anyway. The baby lasted all of ten minutes before reminding me of my previous "yes".

Three loads of laundry sit and stare at me. The dishes still need done from last night. The house needs vacuuming. The house could use a good general cleaning. And yet here I sit because in this moment none of that seems as important as the sleeping baby in my arms. Time is precious. If one good thing could come from the loss of a loved one it is the message to prioritize our minutes.

I'm grateful to just sit and hold my daughter. I'm grateful to type my blog up this afternoon so I can take the time I need to be with my extended family tonight. I'm grateful to just sit and honor resting after lack of good sleep last night. I'm grateful to prioritize and to get to say "yes". I'm grateful for snacks I can feel good about sharing with my daughter's class. I'm grateful for art. I'm grateful for soft music. I'm grateful to allow the process. I'm grateful for family. I'm grateful to know at some point the to di list will get done.

What are your priorities today? What will you choose to say yes to?

​May today accept us as we are. May we allow the process to flow. May we find our priorities in line with our hearts. Have a beautiful day!

I write from a place of shock and sadness tonight. Within the last two hours I learned that the earth lost another good soul. I was not blessed enough to have known my uncle my whole life. He entered our family when I was already an adult and yet he was just as much family as any other.

Some people are "born" carpenters, salesmen, entrepreneurs or whatever other vocation they may have become. My uncle was "born" for family. He was made to be a grandpa and just a couple months ago welcomed a new beautiful granddaughter. 

I loved watching his Facebook posts because they seemed to be either positive messages or adorable pictures of his grandkids. He was a good man and he will be missed. 

I had just got home from work and was sitting at my table eating dinner and nursing my baby when I got the news. In that moment I looked over at my husband and as I told him the news my attention was brought by a flutter to the window. There sat a red cardinal on the branch outside my kitchen window.

Cardinals became a significant symbol in my life the day my grandmother passed away. Again they flocked to me after my grandpa passed. They were a source of comfort in some ways, like knowing their spirit was right there with me still. 

Tonight seeing the Cardinal on the branch I was grateful, but I do not feel its comfort yet. Tonight is for allowing all the feelings. Perhaps tomorrow the beautiful red feathers will bring comfort.

I'm grateful to have known my uncle. I'm grateful for the years he spent with our family. I will forever be grateful for all he did while my grandpa was declining in health. I'm so grateful for all his positive messages that he sent to me on Facebook. I'm grateful to have gotten to witness his playful grandpa side. And I'm so grateful he was able to meet his newest granddaughter. I'm grateful for my family. And I'm grateful to hug them all a little tight tonight as I remember how blessed I am for each moment we are together.

Who is important in your life? Who helps put a smile on your face? Have you told the ones you love how much they mean to you lately? 

May we remember how precious each moment is and spend it with the ones we love. May we remember to tell people how much they mean to us while we have the chance. Have a beautiful day!

I was blessed to take a little trip this weekend with my family. It was our first trip out of town with our newest edition. We didn't go far, just three hours away to visit my mother-in-law. Yet in just two days, a couple hours from home, I found renewal. 

We were celebrating my daughter's birthday as well as my mother-in law's. We went out to dinner one night but the rest of the time my husband cooked his amazing meals for us. My mother-in-law went back and forth between helping him prepare food and helping me play with the girls. In return she received baby smiles and coos and preschooler love in the form of "will you read me another book?!" 

Somehow it felt more like my birthday. I got to sit and play with my preschooler as we imagined all kinds of things. My favorite was when she decided the whole room was a moon elevator! We had a lot of fun with that scenario. 

I also got to just spend time to sit on the floor with my baby and soak up her smiles and coos and really pay attention to her personality that is emerging. I feel like in the chaos of our everyday schedules she doesn't get the one-on-one time she deserves. (I do recognize that part of this is the unfair comparison to all the time I was able to just sit and stare at my first daughter...because she was my first and didn't have to share attention.) It really filled my heart to have this time to just be with her.

I'm beyond grateful to have made it out of town. I'm grateful for my mother-in-law's graciousness as allowing us to overtake her house for the weekend. I'm grateful for how well both girls handled the transition and being in new beds at night. I'm grateful to leave feeling renewed. I'm grateful to recognize the feeling of demands pulling at me now that I am back home so that I can take an honest look at what I can whittle away. I'm grateful to have a reminder of how calm and simple life can be. I'm grateful to look for ways to simplify our schedules so we can get more of these calm, bonding times here at home. I'm grateful for all my husband did to make this weekend go so smoothly. 

How do you recharge? How often do you feel yourself needing to recharge from your everyday life? How can you add more "recharge" moments into your daily practice so you don't have to "get away" from your life as often? This is definitely the question I will be pondering as I make some changes moving forward.

May today remind us to just sit and be in the moment whenever possible. May we consciously choose lifestyles that nourish our mind, body, and soul. Have a beautiful day! 

When my three year old forgets her manners or starts to have a meltdown instead of just asking for what she needs we offer her a redo. It is a chance to take a breath and try again. It is a way of reminding her to use her words and manners while also giving her grace to still possibly receive what she wanted. 

It works for other things too. If I swoop her up to carry her upstairs to bed she can ask for a redo to climb the stairs herself if I forgot to ask if she wanted carried. 

Tonight was my chance to ask for a redo. I lost my temper right before it was time for her dad to take her to bed. I was left feeling very sad about how I had handled the situation and also sad I had missed out on a bedtime hug. I needed to make it right, so I asked for a redo. 

Her dad got her out of bed to come to the doorway. We got our hugs and I got to apologize. I got to tell her my "thank yous" for the day on what I thought she did really well and how much I love her. She got to tell me how much she loves me and misses me while she sleeps. 

Some people may say that teaching her she can have a redo doesn't prepare her for real life. There are certainly some things we can't redo and can't undo. Having a redo this way isn't about rewinding and pretending it didn't happen; it is about the grace of admitting a mistake and making amends as best we can. It's a lesson that isn't limited to preschoolers. In fact I think it is a powerful lesson for her to see that Mommy is human, and humbled by her own need to redo sometimes.

I'm grateful to have a redo. I'm grateful for my husband's help and support. I'm grateful to be humbled when I mess up. I'm grateful to still be blessed with hugs and snuggles from two precious girls. I'm grateful to have the opportunity to teach my girls so much. I'm grateful to be able to be home with them a good portion of the week. I'm grateful to love and be loved. And I'm grateful that when I make a mistake I can find grace waiting for me.

When do you need a redo? How do you go about making amends? If you have children, how do you teach them this valuable skill?

May we all find grace for our mistakes. May we be strong enough to admit our stumbles so we can grow each day. Have a beautiful day!