Today is a great day to reboot my gratitude "system". Several hiccups interrupted my plan of how today would go. I managed to keep my cool and continue to remind myself to turn it around and make the best. But I am reminded that not only can I make the best, I can also remind myself how privileged and blessed I am in so many ways.

Let's see, today is the 26th so how about 26 gratitudes? I'm completely serious. We all have plenty to be grateful for if we are willing to look. Here goes my 26...

I'm grateful to wake up to an alarm next to my husband rather than a child's wail or on the floor of an up-all-night kiddo.
I'm grateful for my kiddos both sleeping decently well last night.
I'm grateful for our home that allows us plenty of space and also plenty of togetherness.
I'm grateful for our neighborhood and the nice features like a short, private walking trail.
I'm grateful for my family's shared love of nature.
I'm grateful for all we teach each other every day.
I'm grateful for love and laughter shared.
I'm grateful for friends.
I'm grateful for the connections I have made that have lasted most my life.
I'm grateful for new friends that have shared interests or journeys and all the support we gain from each other.
I'm grateful to live in an area full of amazing activities and support networks. 
I'm grateful to have a wonderful public library system.
I'm grateful the library is reopening for drive-thru book checkout this week.
I'm grateful for the abundance of books they offer and that we have at home already.
I'm grateful my girls love books as much as I do.
I'm grateful to be "simple".
I'm grateful to unwind with a book or word search.
I'm grateful to take some time to get back on an exercise routine.
I'm grateful to listen to my daughters' needs and give them some extra time today, finding new games and new songs to dance to to bring us together.
I'm grateful for the book "Love You Forever" and how accurately it can depict some days with small children.

If I'm counting right, I already have 20. Let's see...

I'm grateful for a monitor that allows me to listen to my girls sleeping in their rooms from anywhere else. 
I'm grateful for some quiet time as they nap.
I'm grateful for the beauty they have brought to my life and the whole new level of love that I have experienced.
I'm grateful for my dog and all she has gone through with me.
I'm grateful she has her medicine back and can enjoy her days.
I'm grateful for this blog that keeps me accountable for focusing on gratitude and giving something positive back to the world for all the blessings I have received.

I hope that you have found some gratitude in yoru day as well. Have a beautiful day! 

Today is Memorial Day, a day of remembering our loved ones who are not here with us today. I'm not one to go decorate a grave site. For me, personally, I prefer to see the "reflection" of my loved ones in the Cardinals and butterflies I see every day. I prefer to focus on the spirit and energy of them that I still feel in my heart.

So far today has been getting some last minute projects done before I return to work this week. My parents came over to help with some of them and spend time with the girls. It was nice to get to see them and have lunch together.

Before they left we were all out on the deck talking. I had hoped maybe a cardinal or two would come by, a symbol of my grandparents. If they did, I didn't see them. Instead, as I was standing there holding my youngest, something fell between my face and my baby's. I saw a streak as it landed on her shirt and for a second I thought it was bird poop. Luckily it was not; it was a green caterpillar. 

What beautiful symbolism! It is a great reminder of rebirth as a caterpillar turns to a butterfly (or moth) and the spirit moves to another form. It is also so fitting right now as we, as a society, are beginning to re-emerge from this shelter-in-place.

I'm grateful for the beauty of the spirits I feel around me. I'm grateful for the symbolism I find in nature. I'm grateful to have so many Cardinals in our backyard. I'm grateful to feel the presence of loved ones who have passed and I'm grateful to spend my days with the loved ones that are still walking this earth. I'm grateful to get some projects knocked off the list. I'm grateful to still have plenty of time for a family walk, meals together, and some water play on the deck. I'm grateful my family loves being outdoors as much as I do. I'm grateful to remember those who have walked before me but also to remember to walk each day being present of the gift it is to be here.

Who are you remembering today? What ways to you connect or honor them? How did you choose to spend your day?

May today allow us to be present. May we feel connected with our loved ones. Have a beautiful day!

Today may be Sunday, but it is the Sunday before Memorial Day. Without work tomorrow, today feels more like a Saturday. For that matter, the last four days have felt like Saturday.

My husband took off work last Wednesday through Friday for our anniversary. The plan was to do a little family camping but that plan fell through. Instead we did things around home with our girls and knocked out a few projects as well. But each day felt like Saturday with no one working and the schedule open. 

Have you seen the movie Groundhog's Day? Bill Murray keeps reliving the same day over and over again. The last five days have been our groundhog's day but in the very best of ways.

We had a picnic and played outside a lot with the drone and bubbles. We filled the water table then watched as the girls splashed it empty again. We played games with the girls and knocked out projects during their nap times. My husband and I got to watch shows and even a movie together! It is amazing how much can fit in a day when both parents are home and tuned in!

Tomorrow is Memorial Day. It is a day of remembrance. It is also the last day for us to knock out our projects before I head back to work. Most of all it is a day to remember what is truly important and spend time with family. 

It has been a truly beautiful stay-cation week. I'm so grateful to cross some things off our list. I'm grateful to get to spend time together as a family. I'm grateful for a fun impromptu picnic. I'm grateful to do several carry-out food orders as we have not eaten out much during this shelter-in-place. I'm grateful for the joy on my girls' faces as we spend time with them. I'm grateful to watch my husband try to play Barbies with our eldest. I'm grateful for the quality time my husband and I got together. I'm grateful our dog is back on her meds and feeling good. I'm grateful to have gotten this opportunity.

What day would you like to repeat for several days? What would you do with the time? Who would you share the time?

May today remind us what is important. May we take time to reflect tomorrow and remember those whom we have lost. May we also focus on who is important to us here and now and let them know. Have a beautiful day! 

Perhaps it is the weather, which has been grey and overcast and drizzly most days of the last couple weeks. Perhaps it is the knowledge that in less than a week I will return to work. Perhaps it is the worry that life will be speeding back up again when I return to the outside world. Or perhaps it is just the hormones shifting again as we near my daughter's first birthday and she is naturally slowing her nursing schedule. No matter the reason, I have been riding some big emotional waves this week.

The ups have been nice but not overly high. The lows have been deep and the tears have flowed. I feel like I am in mourning even though I am not sure all the elements behind it. 

It is a process to navigate through and on the other side I will find balance again. Things are once again changing. Just as I had to readjust for the shelter-in-place, I have to equally readjust to emerging back into the world. It is like a butterfly or perhaps a lotus flower. Now it is time to re-emerge.

I'm grateful for the wonderful people in my life that provide good conversation as I talk it out. I'm grateful for the love and support I receive each day. I'm grateful to know that this time at home was a beautiful blessing and to have cherished the moments of it. I'm grateful to know that I am still so lucky and blessed to get to spend the first half of my day with my girls each day. I'm grateful it is "summer" and we will not be navigating a return to school at the same time as my return to work. I'm grateful for my amazing clients who are so kind and welcoming. I'm grateful to know returning to work will help bring another side of my purpose back into play. I'm grateful to ride these waves, knowing they are part of the process and all is well.

How are you doing today? Is your life shifting or is it remaining as is for the time being? What would you like to bring with you as you emerge?

May today remind us that change is good. May we find gratitude in the process and beauty in the moments. Have a beautiful day!

We have all run across challenges in our lifetime. What that looks like can be different person to person or even  day to day. What challenges us at one point of our lives may seem minor at a different point in our lives if we come across it again. 

Sometimes it isn't even the task itself that is the challenge. The real question, is the challenge worth the reward?

A lot of times what challenges us is the next step to whatever goal of life achievement we are pursuing. When we are dating, the next challenge is deciding to marry or to find someone new. Will I go after this dream job? Will I hike to the top of Everest? Will I choose to have a child, or another child? 

It always comes down to, is the challenge worth the reward. If it is, then do it! If it is worth succeeding at, then go all in. And sometimes the reason something seems so challenging is because it is not worth the reward but is required anyway, such as a work requirement. Without the feeling of worth behind it, the task seems harder than it would be if we were motivated.

The question is, what reward is worth it? We can find ways to make challenges easier, or at least more motivating by finding the reward that makes it worth it. 

Last week I watched my ten month old climb a ladder. I stayed near, of course, but it was interesting to observe. She is the more cautious child, of my two so far. It took her about five full minutes to climb the five or six steps to the top and all for a shiny, gold-colored point that was sticking out of the doorway of her sister's treehouse. Each movement was full of trembles and each moved hand grip was well planned and white-knuckled, but she was determined to get to what turned out to be a unicorn pillow's horn. 

We don't have to be chasing unicorns to make it worth it. It doesn't even have to be something big, a life milestone. We just have to find the reward to feels good to us.

There has been a lot of divide during this pandemic. Some people saying it is the end of the world and others saying it isn't real and it is conspiracy. Some people have complained about shelter-in-place and can't wait to reopen while others want to see another month or more of staying in. I can't say who is right or wrong because I only know what is best for me and my family. 

For me, shelter-in-place was worth the reward of time with my family and feeling like I was doing my part to help people stay healthy. It was worth it for the huge shift it brought and ability to step back and take a wider look at my schedule and priorities. Going back to work will be worth the reward as well, as we get to return to a two income family and I get to have a little stronger identity outside being a mom. 

Parenthood is no easy task. Yet it is so worth the reward when I look into my daughters' eyes. The toddler and preschool age can be a challenge because of the duality of independence and co-dependence that exudes every interaction. But I would still say this age is one of my favorite because they still love so deeply and cuddly too.

I'm grateful for my life. I'm grateful for the challenges I have been through, yes even the ones that felt dark at the time, because they all brought me right here to this point. I'm grateful for every broken heart that led me to my husband. I'm grateful for every rough day that ends in a cuddly night with my daughter and even more grateful for the smooth days that follow. I'm grateful to get to hold my girls tight. I'm grateful for this time at home with them. I'm grateful to be gaining more confidence about returning to work. I'm grateful to know each bit is its own season. I'm grateful to be moving forward in trust.

I do not know your story. I do not know your challenges. It could be health related, relationship, or something completely different. Whatever it is, is it worth the reward? Can you find a reward worthy to make the challenge feel smaller? 

May today remind us we have survived every challenge so far. May we find beauty in the reward and know when to change course when it isn't worth it. Have a beautiful day!

My preschooler and I had a good opportunity to talk today. She asked me why I have been on my phone so much. Then she expressed that she was "sick of this house!"

Usually I make it a point to not be on my phone when my kids are awake because I know they need attention and connection. During the shelter-in-place it has been pretty easy because I don't have clients that I have to schedule and respond to so I have mostly ditched my phone for hours at a time. The possibility and planning of going back to work has brought lots of texts as we all try to figure out what is needed, what protocols need put in place, and who will be allowed to come first. 

Honesty goes a long way with kids so I decided to address the big issue first. "I am sick of this house too! I'm ready for things to open back up so we can go do fun things like the zoo and playdates and just get out. I would even be happy if the weather would at least cooperate so we could play on the deck and go for walks again."

She agreed but seemed a little confused, why were we here then? I reminded her why we are home and let her know that some things might start opening up again soon. But that also meant I would be returning to work soon and so I had to figure out how to do that safely and tell my clients what day they could come in. 

Now she looked a little less sure about what she wanted. She has told me frequently during all this that she is so happy I don't work anymore. I hopped in as I saw her processing this potential bad news. I said, "since I don't have to go to work today or tomorrow, how about I put my phone down and we focus on having a dance party for now?" 

There is a lot to get done in the coming days but I also have to remember to enjoy these last days and moments home with my girls. I have truly loved getting to spend so much quality time with them, not just shuttling between school and errands and playdates. I don't want to miss out on these moments of connection to answer a text that can wait until nap time without any negative impact. 

I'm grateful for this reminder to stay present from my daughter. I'm grateful to be honest that being home is getting a little old. I'm grateful for the time home with my girls. I'm grateful for all the milestones I've witnessed. I'm grateful for all the beautiful moments as we navigated this new "adventure" together. I'm grateful things may be opening soon but grateful to keep a level head and make sure I feel it is safe for myself and my clients. I'm grateful to know we are all in this together.

Honestly, how are you doing as this covid-19 continues? What supports do you need? What will be changing for you and how do you feel about it?

May today remind us to stay present. May we be honest and use that honesty to guide us to make the best decisions moving forward. Have a beautiful day!

It's me again, reminding you that I am a real person and my life is not some picture perfect mirage. I think it is important in this age where we see everyone's best moments on social media that we also be reminded that our lives are real. Sometimes real lives are messy and exhausting. 

Today started off way too early but with cheerful smiles and cuddles. Then we left the bedrooms. It was a day of cranky preschooler, clingy baby, and lots of tears from both. 

Part of the stress is we have once again had an upheaval to the routine we had created during this shelter-in-place. Another part, I'm sure, is the energy shift as my husband and I continue to reevaluate and try to figure out how the city's reopening is going to look for our jobs. No matter how much we try to be the steady rock for our kids there is a lot of uncertainty and stress as we try to prepare, with little guidance, for what is still basically all unknown territory. 

It was a balancing act between giving my oldest the space to release and express her emotions and walk her back from getting stuck on the "dark side". And when the baby showed she was ready for bed early, I was right there to support that plan. Unfortunately she still had enough energy to have her, now routine, forty or more minutes of screaming her head off. If ever a villain needed a way to suck someone's soul out while simultaneously shattering their heart, this would be the technique they would use.

But the day was not all pitfalls. Even in the roughest day there are some bright spots, right? 

Our garden sprouts are starting to take off. I managed to clear some clothes out of my closet to be donated. I got to see my girls playing together kindly. My oldest and I got to have some much needed painting time together. I grabbed a few groceries. I even got the dishes cleaned up from dinner.

I'm grateful for these beautiful spots in the day. I'm very grateful to take time to sit and paint because it is very calming for me. I'm grateful my daughter is into painting right now so we can share this activity and time together. I'm grateful for her thoughtfulness when painting that she chooses someone to give it to and tries to include their favorite color in it. I'm grateful for my husband's help today on his breaks and after work to help give me a breather. I'm grateful both girls are resting peacefully for the moment.

What bright spots blessed your day today? Who do you lean on during the rough days? What little things help keep you focused on gratitude when other things seem to be crashing all around you? 

May today remind us to be still and seek the beauty. May we find gratitude in every day. May we remember that we are all living REAL lives and give each other grace, not pedestals. Have a beautiful day!

I got two of the most beautiful gifts today for Mother's Day. It truly is the little things that mean the most to me.

A little background, earlier this week I had asked my preschooler if she would draw me a picture. Nope, she wanted to draw for her grandma. Okay. The next day I asked if she would paint a picture for me. Nope, she was painting for her other grandma. Understandable, that is usually who we make things for. The next day I explained Mother's Day was coming up and asked if she would make a card or picture for me. Yes, I realize it sounds a little pitiful but I wanted some piece of art for myself. She begrudgingly said ok and scribbled a little on a paper and asked if she could be done. Sigh, never mind.

So imagine my surprise when today she hands me a card that she drew for me! She even put some of her favorite animal stickers on it. I love it! There is a tree and flowers. She also drew me another picture with a tree and "blue grass" because she knows I like that. Haha! I love it! 

I know my daughter loves me. If I wouldn't have gotten a drawing or card I still would have known that. But my heart felt like it was going to explode when I this beautiful gift from her!

My youngest also gave me a beautiful gift. After a week of screaming and crying and fighting almost every nap and bedtime for thirty to sixty full minutes, tonight she went peacefully and quickly to sleep. It spared my heart the anguish of hearing my baby cry. Again, it truly is the little things that mean so much as a mom.

My husband did several things for me as well. He makes an awesome French Toast that started my day off right and he was even more helpful that usual with the day's tasks.

I'm grateful for my amazing family! I'm grateful to get to celebrate Mother's Day together. I'm grateful for the little things being such a blessing to my heart. I'm grateful for my daughters' beautiful gifts. I'm grateful for my oldest's artwork. I'm grateful to get to hold them and laugh with them today. I'm grateful for the love of my family.

What little things make your day? What small kindness makes you feel extra loved or special?

​May today remind us how beautiful the little gifts truly are and see them in each day. May we feel loved and special each and every day. Have a beautiful day! 

Tomorrow marks ten months since my youngest was born. I can't believe it has been that long and yet I cannot imagine my life without her. She is mostly easy going, loves cuddles, and has the sweetest smile. 

This weekend is also Mother's Day. Being a mom has been a dream come true for me. When I was a child and people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, my answer was always "a mom". To this day my mom is my greatest hero and I look up to her and reach out to her for advice more than anyone else in the world.

But even as a dream come true it has not been easy. I lost my first baby in 2006. I never met her or got to hold her and it was a pain that has thankfully dulled with the ability to hold my babies today. When my oldest daughter was born my image of patience and overwhelming gratitude to finally have a child did not hold up to the postpartum and sleep deprivation as well as I imagined. It took us a while to find our groove and even today there are things I strive to improve.

My oldest will turn four in August. She is precocious, sensitive, and all-in no matter what she does. She knows every button to push and every sensitivity I hold and she tests them repeatedly. She also is first to run and give me a hug when I come home or cry when I have to leave. She is funny and smart and so very loving. She is my mini-me in more ways that I like to admit and I love her more than words could say.

My youngest will turn one in July. She is fairly laid back, entertains herself easily, and is almost always up for a cuddle. She is as content playing with a cup on the floor as she is being carted around on my hip for chores. Playing ball, being sung to, or "chasing" after her sister light her face with a joy that is palpable. She is such a sweetheart and I love watching her personality grow as finds more ways to express herself. 

I do not know if our family is complete or if we will stick with the plan of having one more. Our family is perfect as it is and yet part of me wants to have the experience one more time. Part of me wants to see one more unique little being growing and changing and feel my heart expand that much more to encompass another member. Time will tell.

I am not a perfect mother. My mom says the same about herself. I hope someday at least one of my girls has a similar relationship with me as I have with my mom. No matter what I will always be there for them just like my mom is always there for me. 

As a bonus, when I married I got another great mom. You hear stories and jokes about mother-in-laws but I have been lucky. She is so supportive and loving. She is another confidante and keeps motherhood "real" by making sure I know, even when I'm not perfect, I'm doing a good job. It is a beautiful gift.

I'm grateful to have such wonderful moms to look up to and ask advice. I'm grateful for all their love and support. I'm grateful my mama is my best friend. I'm grateful to get to be the mom of two beautiful, amazing little girls. I'm grateful to have been blessed with girls even when I thought I had wanted boys. I'm grateful to admit I was wrong and girls are awesome. I'm grateful for the adventures of motherhood, how it has strengthened me and softened me. I'm grateful to continue to work each day to be the best mom I can be while still knowing I will always be human.

What is the best gift your mother ever gave you? What advice did she pass on? What lessons will you (or would you) pass on to your kids?

May today remind us where we came from. May we find motherly love to fill our hearts. Have a beautiful day!