I keep visualizing a river. It flows smoothly, bending to flow around obstacles in full faith it will reach its destination. I keep visualizing this as a reminder of how I would like to navigate this current "adventure". Some days this visualization works better than others.

As I sat at lunch today my baby was yelling for milk (nursing) and mostly refusing the food I was offering. My preschooler was chatting nonstop, which is typical for her, about everything under the sun. And my husband was trying to tell me current events and his own thoughts on different topics. It was sensory overload. When I closed my eyes and tried to picture the river flowing it felt more like the rapids of a heavy downpour. 

Lunch ended with my preschooler hoping down from the table to go play happily, my husband returning to his office in the basement and the baby suckling happily in my lap. I myself felt a little like a tornado had just passed through and I was relishing the moment of quiet after the storm. And it only lasted a moment because then kids were up and ready to "run" again. ...So run we did as I stretched out an obstacle course for the baby to watch her sister perform. 

I'm grateful to observe the passing of my emotions. I'm grateful to pause and witness the overwhelm and do my best to just breathe. I'm grateful for the beauty of these moments. I'm grateful to find a way to bring myself back to the calm river. I'm grateful to recognize the need for all of us to talk and to get movement. I'm grateful to commit some time today to working out which I haven't made time for in several weeks.

How do you dispel the excess, whether it be energetic, sensory, or something else? What visual helps you come back to center?

May today keep us flowing smoothly as we navigate this new path. May we find ways to balance. Have a beautiful day!

When I feel that familiar vibration of anxiety coursing through me I frequently breathe through it and push it aside. A lot of times my anxiety is fed by wanting to control or change something I cannot. So I focus on my body and breathe or meditate or jog until the vibration evens back out. 

Often times I even find myself feeling negative towards anxiety, as if it is a personality flaw. In reality it is just a guidepost like any other emotion. 

At the same time I brush off this emotion I also feel like my intuition is strong and trustworthy in most situations. If I feel uneasy in the presence of someone or in a new location I trust my gut. It is a deep knowing inside and does not usually have the same resonation as the anxiety I spoke of a moment ago.

Last night I lay awake for over three and a half hours. Something was not sitting right with me and I tried every technique I knew to brush it off, breathe through it, and just go to sleep. Nothing worked. In fact, every time I tried to rationalize to calm or even pray about it, I got more anxious. It wasn't until I explored the idea that maybe, just maybe there was more than anxiety going on that I began to relax. When I finally let it go and changed my plan, listening to the anxiety, I fell fast asleep.

I'm grateful for the persistence of intuition. I'm grateful to listen. I'm grateful to get a new perspective and open my eyes to the negative ideas I hold toward anxiety. I'm grateful for all the times my intuition has served me well and kept me safe. I'm grateful for all anxiety has taught me too. I'm grateful to move forward with a more open mind and commit to paying more attention to what my emotions are telling me. 

What are your emotions telling you? What does your intuition tell you? How can we all find a balance at this time of change?

May today allow us to have strong intuition and faith. May we listen to the anxiety while not allowing it to overrun us. Have a beautiful day!

It isn't necessarily the size of the obstacle that matters; it's the ability to maneuver through or around it. These days require flexibility and an ability to roll with a constantly changing situation. 

This is not my strong suit. I am not the most laid back person and I like to have a plan. So I have done my best to mentally make plans that have some fluidity built in. I'm rolling along as best I can.

I'm grateful for the people in my life that give me strength. I'm grateful for my children that fill my heart with love. I'm grateful for the distraction my kids provide. I'm grateful to let my creativity fill the gap where plans and change meet. I'm grateful for all the time I'm getting with my girls and husband. I'm grateful for some bits of normalcy. I'm grateful to keep rolling. I'm grateful for faith.

What helps you keep rolling? What balance are you finding and what personal strengths are you drawing on during this time?

May today provide comfort through faith. May we find the bright spots in each day. Have a beautiful day!

Amid the escalating and constantly changing situation outside it was nice to finally get some clarity for myself. I will admit that I have let my anxiety control me for several days. I've felt wishy-washy on what to do and how to respond, hoping someone would make the hard decisions for me.

Last night I could not sleep between a baby that was wide awake most the night and my own anxiety running rampant through my thoughts. I tried to sleep in this morning but as soon as my sleep had a minor interruption it was no use. Even a guided meditation could not derail and reboot my thoughts. 

We decided to go ahead and celebrate my mom's birthday. Being around my family helped tremendously. There was a lot of talk about what is happening with Covid-19 but also some good laughs and distractions. It was nice to see them and allow things to feel a little bit "normal" again as we enjoyed family lunch.

After leaving I felt more clear in what directions and steps I would take. I started by making a mental list of all unnecessary risks that I could easily spare my family. I then composed a message to my clients setting clear boundaries and reminding them to think of the community in making their own decisions. It got a very positive response which gave me more reassurance that I was not the only one seeking some direction and initiative. 

I'm grateful to step up. I'm grateful to stop looking to everyone else to tell me what to do and do what makes sense for me and my family. I'm grateful to mentally preparing the next steps in my head. I'm grateful to be finding my voice and my path amidst the uncertainty. I'm grateful for laughs shared with family as well as good sounding board chats. I'm grateful to get other perspectives to take into account. I'm grateful to follow what feels good to my heart and know that it will help my mental state as well as my sleep.

What is right for you? What precautions would help you feel confident and secure? How can you take the steps you need to find your inner peace and calm amidst this "storm"? 

May today remind us to think not only of our loved ones but those in our community. May we make the decisions we feel are right for the greater good and for our own peace of mind. Have a beautiful day!

After basically a week of being cooped up in the house taking care of my sick family I started preparing a list of supplies to go out to get tomorrow. This is when the current reality of the outside world began creeping in to my awareness. 

Pictures of empty store shelves and stories of lines around the store as people overstock filled my Facebook feed. I sent out a couple texts and heard confirmation that this is definitely the case in our area. For a moment it was easy to get caught up in the panic. What if we run out of food? What if my family catches something even worse than this flu while their immunity is down?

It isn't hard to see how mass anxiety can build. I mean, there is a lot going on with a new pandemic being declared. Globally it is hitting both individuals and businesses making a big humanitarian and economic impact. Yet I trust we will prevail. 

I'm grateful for my bubble. I'm grateful to have had most the week away from the news. I'm grateful to have had this time with my family, even under the weather. I'm grateful my husband and girls are coming back around to health. I'm grateful to have stayed in good health myself. I'm grateful to remain hopeful that the supplies I need will be easily grabbed at the store tomorrow. I'm grateful to focus on the positive.

What bubble do you like to keep? How do you balance your reality with the reality of others?

May today bring a commonality as we recognize our connection as part of the human race. May we work together to bring health and stability back. May we trust there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Have a beautiful day!

The upswing yesterday took another turn as my eldest spiked a fever, quit eating, and went lethargic for the day. The baby's temperature is starting to creep back up and my husband is now feeling symptoms the girls started five days ago.

I will admit after riding it out with faith the last several days, today had me anxious. It was scary watching my preschooler sink that low and having to make her take every little sip of water or nibble of food. By dinner I told her needed her to eat or I was going to take her to the emergency room. I just couldn't take it anymore and worry was winning. 

Luckily with some help and a typical dose of drama she did eat dinner. A miraculous thing happened; she perked back up and started joking and acting more like herself again. Just a little food, a little patience, a little love, and a little help brought my sweet girl back.

The baby was content with just a little attention, a little singing, and lots of snuggles. I pray that that will be enough tonight and tomorrow to ward off this second round that hit her sister today. 

As for me I will keep dosing up on vitamins, rest, and lots of water. A little goes a long way but self-care takes it farther. 

I'm grateful, so grateful, for my daughter coming around. I'm grateful to see her silliness returning and even some smiles. I'm grateful to indulge her in some of her requests like feeding her each bite and helping her wash her hands. I'm grateful for all the baby snuggles I got today. I'm grateful my sweet baby was doing ok today with even some smiles and lots of chatting. I'm grateful to know we all have strong immune systems. I'm grateful for being home with them today and to get another day home tomorrow. I'm grateful to make sure I am taking care of me so I can be healthy to take care of my family. I'm grateful that a little love, attention, and nourishment can go a long way.

What is your "little" that keeps you going? What gives you an extra boost to make it through the day? How do you choose to take care of yourself?

May today meet our self-care needs. May we accept the "little" stuff and trust it to take us a long way. Have a beautiful day!

Today was a rough, dark day for me. I hit a low and felt those familiar fingers of depression pulling at my thoughts.

The current stage my oldest daughter is going through is really taking a toll on me. It's just a stage. Everything is just a stage at this point. And yet days and weeks of being yelled at, hit, and called names have worn me. The constant boundary pushing has drained me. Her assertion that I am a terrible mom drove the nail home today.

My response was that I was sorry she felt that way because I loved her very much. After leaving her room and retreating to the safety of the basement I allowed a private tirade followed by complete sobbing mess. 

My family always called me Tender Heart growing up. I may have aged but my skin is only slightly thicker. 

I know my daughter loves me. I know this will pass and I hope I weather it with enough grace that we have an even stronger relationship coming out the other side. But in the meantime I need to seek the light to keep me out of that darkness. For me, the best way to do that is to focus on gratitude, seek laughter, and collect as many hugs as possible.

I'm grateful for my husband that takes a "shift" with the girls while I go to work. I'm grateful to have a job that takes me away for just a short while. I'm grateful for kind clients. I'm grateful to have a job that lends itself to self-reflection. I'm grateful for my mom. I'm grateful for my amazing network of friends and family that have my back when I need to vent and can reassure me it is truly just a phase. I'm grateful for baby snuggles. I'm grateful for some time to just sit in silence.

Depression and stress do not look one way. Anyone could be struggling and you may never even notice. What are your signs? How do you find light when stress is building? What is your self-care routine?

May we all know who to reach out to when we need a hand getting back to the light. May we monitor our thoughts and fight the darkness. And may we all know we are loved no matter what. Have a beautiful day!

​(But if you are not having a beautiful day, reach out to me or someone.)

Today I had to ask myself, "who is really in charge of this crazy train?" Yesterday I committed to myself to have a day at home today to just chill and play with my kids. Yet this morning I undermined it right off the bat.

"How about we just stay home and play and read and have fun today instead of going to story time?" I said to my older daughter. I brought it up because yesterday morning I had told her we were going to story time and I didn't want her to be sad to miss it without having a say. I talked up staying at home and offered all kinds of fun things we could do. But my preschooler loves books above all else and she was not having it. So we went.

The result was my anxiety was up and my patience was low. And yet I had no one to blame but myself because I let a three and a half year old be in charge of our day. The baby missed her morning nap and wasn't happy either. 

Now, we did have fun at story time. We did get to take our time getting around as story time starts ninety minutes later than if it had been a school day. And my preschooler was so excited about story time there was little to no dawdling and she even picked out her clothes and dressed herself without being asked. 

So don't get me wrong, it was a fun day. We even had some time after lunch to do an obstacle course, color, read books and my oldest and I got some special time as the baby went down for her nap a little early. It was good bonding time and the baby did get to have some fun too. (She enjoys people watching at story time.)

Tomorrow was supposed to be a day of getting groceries and errands. I'm still deciding if I will do that or if I will cram it into a different day and have a stay home and recharge day tomorrow. The main thing is making sure I am the one that decides. I am the adult and despite what my daughter may believe, I do know what is best for all of us.

I'm grateful we had a fun day even going out. I'm grateful story time went smoothly despite no nap for the baby. I'm grateful for some quality time with my girls and some special time with my oldest. I'm grateful to recognize the silliness of giving my child control over our day when I have already committed to myself what I need to do to maintain balance. I'm grateful to have the flexibility to re-evaluate how the rest of the week will look and put myself in charge of deciding.

Who is in charge of your life? Who makes your decisions? And how to you choose to respond?

May today put us in charge. May we recognize where we can give some decisions away and where we need to stand our ground. Have a beautiful day!

My husband and I have been trying to let our preschool age daughter problem solve. Instead of just giving her a solution we have been asking, "and what can you do about that?". Or "how can you fix that?"

It has really opened up my eyes to a new dimension of creative problem solving as well as child logic. 

One example was my daughter was whining about needing the light on in the bathroom. She has never shied away from climbing anything and everything she can and with a step stool not three feet away so she can reach the sink; I thought this would be a pretty easy problem solving practice. Knowing that a lot of the whining is more about attention that not knowing the "answer" I sat down next to her and said "how can we problem solve this?" 

Four minutes later she had exhausted types of aircraft she could use to fly up there as well as proposing us borrowing a crane or cherry-picker truck. I said, "those are all fun ideas but what could we use right now, with our own bodies to turn this light on?" 

"Well, I guess I could just grow wings..." This went on for another minute and a half of ideas on how she could grow faster or stretch like a giraffe and so on. By this point I was equally impressed with the level of creativity she was exhibiting in this process and getting annoyed because I still needed to make breakfast and six other things before we could get out the door. 

I asked her one more time, gesturing at the step stool as I asked. "Oh! I know, Mommy!" Finally, I thought! "I can just ask you to do it! Will you turn the light on please?" Beggars can't be choosers. I took the opportunity to turn on the light and move on while thanking her for saying please. I had to chuckle as I walked away though, my attempt to get her to creative problem solve worked, just not the way I intended. She creatively found ways to get my attention for much longer than if she had simply answered the question with what was right in front of her. 

I'm grateful to open my eyes to the ways creativity abounds in the mind of my child. I'm grateful to love her ability to play her cards well. I'm grateful to always be learning from her as her quick mind and amazing intelligence teach me new things each day. I'm grateful to breathe through the feelings of annoyance and laugh off the delay knowing this time is precious. I'm grateful to see ways my own creativity could grow when I release my time crunch mindset. I'm grateful for this beautiful life lesson.

What ways do we sacrifice creativity as adults? What helps reconnect you with your own creativity? 

May today allow us to use our creativity in all the best ways. May we find lessons in everyday events, laughing off the delays and finding gratitude in the message. Have a beautiful day!

As I reflect back over the day I can honestly say I mom-ed like a boss. I really felt like I had it together today.

I kept my cool through many, many crabby remarks and three-nager attitude from my preschooler. I shoveled the front steps and a path of the driveway for visitors to make their way up even as the snow was still falling. I hosted a playdate with four other kiddos, made everyone breakfast, and had activities prepared.

After that I fed my girls and got them both down for nap, got the house picked up, ran the dishwasher, then prepared the "snowman" eggs (hardboiled egg with black olive eyes and carrot nose) my daughter requested for her snack day at school tomorrow. I followed that up by a quick workout and then collected the trash and recycling and took it to the curb before heading out to work.

Am I bragging? Yeah, I guess I am a little bit. I have had several "parenting fail" moments in the last couple weeks and I have been honest about the missteps so I'm definitely taking credit for this "success". But what is success really?

When it comes to being a parent there isn't really a clear line of success and failure. The "scoring" line is in our own mind. What I have found is that success is more in how it feels. It wasn't the volume of stuff I got done today that made it a success, it was doing it and not feeling overwhelmed or overly stressed. Success was going through the day feeling good about the flow I was in and catching some adult conversation time with mom friends in the process. 

I'm grateful for a successful day. I'm grateful to say "I'll do that if..." and the Universe offered it to me as asked. I'm grateful to get some perspective from my friends. I'm grateful to keep my calm with my daughter while mentally observing and trying to find long term solutions. I'm grateful to get to host friends. I'm grateful my daughter did a pretty good job with sharing and playing with her friends. I'm grateful for a little mess in the name of art. I'm grateful to be in the flow and just try to stay in the moment and do whatever I could do. 

How do you gauge your success? How does success feel?

May we celebrate the "wins" in each situation. May we gauge our successes only on ourselves and how it makes us feel and let comparisons go. Have a beautiful day!