Recently I have started re-learning how to sit with discomfort. As this pandemic has poked along I find myself more and more trying to escape the uncomfortable feelings of stress or anxiety by ignoring them. This doesn't work. Stuffing it down and deep has just left other discomforts and more reaction-based behaviors to minor plot-twists. 

So I am starting the uncomfortable, yet very healing work of feeling. As someone who is sensitive and highly emotional it definitely takes some processing time. Already I am noticing differences in not only how I feel but how I respond to life. 

Today I faced one of my most uncomfortable situations. Both of my girls were due for shots and I was the sole parent able to take them...at the same time. My oldest LOVES her doctor and doctor's visits but she was a little nervous about the idea of shots because it has been two years since she had to get any. The little one is avidly and vocally against even going near the doctor's office. I'm talking it took three whole minutes just to get her weight because she fought so hard against being put in (and staying in) the baby scale seat. 

Needless to say the nurse and doctor were so awesome and patient as always but it was an emotional challenge for me and the girls. Since the little one was struggling so much with the whole situation and already revved up, they suggested doing her shots first. As you might imagine, my oldest who is also very sensitive (both emotionally and to noises like a screaming sister) suddenly decided her nervousness about a shot was absolutely validated and she started freaking out about having to get one next. 

I will admit that in my own frazzled, broken-heart-because-my-babies-are-crying state of mind part of me wanted to just brush all the emotions away. Find a quick fix and get everyone back to quiet and happy. But I also recognized this was a perfect test to the work I have been doing AND a very important teaching moment for the girls.

We did hugs. I took LOTS of deep breaths. I offered that idea to my preschooler a few times who was having none of it. So we sat it out for a few minutes. Then I started doing a body scan out loud for myself. This is when you check in with each part of your body to try to identify how each area is feeling and see if any of it can be shifted. 

Out loud I said, "Wow, that was overwhelming and a little scary. Let me check. My head has a little headache. My jaw is a little tight (rubbing it with a free finger). Whew! My shoulders are pulled up and my heart is feeling sad to see my girls sad. What about you?" I walked my preschooler through thinking about each area of her body which gave her a way to move away from the upset of the shot but still stay in tune with how she was feeling. As she calmed down and our voices went back and forth I could feel the baby calming in my arms as well. 

My preschoolers tears still came and went for the next couple hours. The baby moved on pretty quickly as she tends to do once we had left the doors of the building. And I was able to stay in the conscious response level of my emotions without ignoring them OR letting them overwhelm me. It was a beautiful win. I won't say it was perfect, it is a work in progress, but I walked out feeling like I had just passed the national exams again. 

I'm grateful for this win. I'm grateful to do the work. I'm grateful to be taking time to tune in each day and see what I need emotionally. I'm grateful to be taking a more active and conscious approach to my mental health. I'm grateful for the podcasts and resources I have to support me in this journey. I'm grateful to be there for my girls physically and emotionally. I'm grateful for having a great pediatrician that really connects with my preschooler. I'm grateful to have two sweet kids that are so very very different from each other. 

What was your win today? How do you take time to process pain, discomfort, and emotions? What is your favorite technique for staying present?

May today give us the courage for growth. May we do the hard work now to move us forward. Have a beautiful day!

I have had plenty of time lately to sit in stillness. To sit quietly and think about what path I am choosing and what I need to do differently. It's a time for me to dig deeper.

I will admit it is not often comfortable in this space. My physical body is peaceful but my mind can be brutal. It is a delicate balance of being honest and asking the hard questions of myself without letting my mind slip to the dark side. I am human. I have to remember to give myself grace. 

Last night I asked for clarity on some areas that I was having trouble consciously working through. My dreams provided a parade of people from my past in different settings and situations. The settings and situations were not real or even realistic in some cases, but they all reflected to me pieces of the answers I was seeking. 

There is more to be done, yet it can all be down from a place of rest...a place of stillness. So I navigate today slowly. I give myself the space to allow processing. I give myself some grace even as I witness repeat mistakes. 

I'm grateful for a day to slow down. I'm grateful for a day to rest. I'm grateful for the questions that circle my mind but I'm also grateful to let them process in their own time. I'm grateful for the clarity that comes in my dreams. I'm grateful for each bit of sleep I get. I'm grateful to keep the negative thoughts in check as best I can and remember grace is for me too. I'm grateful for a positive, fun day with my girls, moving at a slower pace. I'm grateful to just sit and play.

What do you do with the stillness? What path are you choosing? What answers are you seeking?

May today be a step toward clarity. May truth always bring healing and growth. And may there be grace for ourselves and others every step of the way. Have a beautiful day!

If we could do just one thing right in life, what would that be? Over the years my answer would have ranged from loving deeply to forgiveness to making some kind of positive impact in the world. But what if the answer is way more basic than that?

I was listening to a podcast the other night and it was talking about the importance of breathing right. In some countries this is one of the first things children learn in school. Monks learn to master the art of breathing. And to top it off the "belly breath" I had been taught turns out to not be the best way to achieve deep, effective breathing. (Apparently weak abdominal muscles can mean the lungs simply expand into the abdominal cavity instead of the intended purpose of expanding the lungs in all directions.) 

When I stop and think about it, breathing right is huge! When I feel anxiety, what is first to change? My breathing. When I am angry, what technique to I most often choose to try to get back to balance? That;s right, deep breathing. And what is one huge piece of the very core of living...BREATHING! 

Apparently a better visualization for effective breathing is picturing an upside-down umbrella opening. You can even put your hands lightly on the bottom of your ribs to see if they are expanding in all directions. (It is best if the ribs even expand in the back, is what I read.)

I've always been a pretty shallow breather and tried various ways to consciously expand my breathing. I like counting and trying to push myself to take in just a tiny bit more air. I like holding it and feeling the way it stretched at those intercostals (the small muscles between the ribs). Now I have a fun new visual as I practice breathing like an umbrella.

Perhaps more than ever, effective breathing is so important. Between wearing masks at work and subconsciously restricting my intake around others; I need to be practicing good, deep breathing and lung strengthening when I am home and outdoors. 

It also reminds me how important it is to teach my children as they grow to take deep breaths and use breathing techniques for health as well as calm.

I'm grateful for the good pull I feel in my intercostals. I'm grateful for the way deep breathing also reminds me to adjust my posture. I'm grateful to have stumbled upon the podcast about the importance of breathing. I'm grateful to learn that this is an actual study that is taught and the reminder to teach myself and my children. I'm grateful for a new visualization that resonates better with me. I'm grateful to have a new project for myself.

When was the last time you just sat and focused on your breathing? What technique works best for you to encourage that deeper breath?

May today give us the space for deep breathing. May we choose to take care of ourselves. Have a beautiful day!

Often times I tell myself "this is just a test" as a way of saying it will pass. The thing with using that phrasing is back in school when tests were a common thing I had pretty bad test anxiety. I couldn't sleep the night before, the whole bit. So why I choose this phrase when trying to comfort myself I am not sure. The irony of it occurred to me last night.

Sometimes I use the phrase "challenge" to describe something difficult or even just outside my comfort level. It has become a pretty common term in my language the last six months. So how do I change the script, the mentality, the energy?

It's an adventure! This is another phrase I use a lot, but not all "challenges" are adventures. And for me, calling it a struggle feels heavier than a challenge. So what if I just change my response?

Instead of facing the challenge or pushing through, how can I add humor? Who accepts challenges well? How about a show I haven't seen in a long time? How about the always-up-for-a-challenge, Barney Stinson. I will admit that most of his challenges were nothing like the ones that are going on in my life...as most of them had to do with picking up women. But it makes me laugh all the same. Challenge accepted!

Holding this new framework in my mind, each time something seemed hard today I pictured Barney and I told myself "challenge accepted!" It gave me a private giggle which also improved the outlook of whatever the challenge.

Two children melting down and screaming at me, one in hunger and one in protest of getting dressed, can I find my inner zen? Challenge accepted. Washing dishes while holding a baby and letting my preschooler operate the sink sprayer...challenge accepted. Add an extra new element into our school work that I had not planned or prepped for because my daughter requested it from her memory of last year... I have paper, I can do this. Challenge accepted! Hop like a bunny, scoot like and inchworm, and do an entire cd of animal dance party moves? Challenge accepted!

I'm grateful to add some humor into the days that offer challenges. I'm grateful to have had a lot of fun meeting the challenges. I'm grateful for my daughter's ability to hang with me through a longer than usual school day. I'm grateful for some dance party, animal acting, crazy time. I'm grateful to let go and be silly. I'm grateful to be reminded how freeing it is to just be goofy. I'm grateful to be finding a balance. I'm grateful to redefine or at least find a new response. I'm grateful for a good day!

How do you respond when things are a little bumpy? What is your answer to challenges? How do you frame these things in your mind? I would honestly love to hear your ideas!

May today be a day where we approach challenges with confidence. May we find it exciting instead of stressful and may we bound passed whatever tries to get in the way. Have a beautiful day!

I rarely find enough time to get out to weed my garden. The edges I walk by look ok as I pull when I pass, but the majority of the garden gets pretty overgrown before I find a way to tackle it. Often tackling the garden means something else left undone for the week. 

Today I made some time to get out there. One section of one tier was grass that had taken over. The ivy, dandelions, clover, and several other plants had staked a solid claim as well. 

I knew I wouldn't get it done in one shot, or even one day. The majority of our front yard is all tiered flower gardens...well weed gardens anyway. I told myself I would at least make a small dent and I jumped in. 

As I pulled I answered some of my daughter's questions and listened to her ever running monologue. For a short while she found the attention of our awesome neighbors.

What I noticed though was as I pulled and cleared I didn't feel rushed. I didn't feel like there was a weight on me of all the other things I needed to get done. I didn't even feel bothered by the steady flow of words and questions from my daughter that unfortunately is sometimes the case when I have a lot to do.

Instead it felt like this was the only thing on earth I needed to be doing in that moment. It felt like a lazy summer day where I had no where to be and no agenda. It felt...amazing! It felt great to be present.

I'm so grateful for this moment. I'm grateful to find a place to slow down and still be crossing off items of the list. I'm grateful for a very productive morning. I'm grateful my youngest had a good morning nap that allowed me to work on the weeds without having to worry about her diet. I'm grateful for my daughter's questions and insight. I'm grateful to toss in a few bits of "education" and see her thoughts. I'm grateful she is into exploring bugs. I'm grateful to get a good section of the garden back to decent shape. 

Where do you feel most present? When was the last time you had your hands in the dirt? What "weeds" need pulled from your life?

May today remind us to slow down and find a place to just be present. May we weed the unnecessary stress out of our lives and find beauty in the moment we're in. Have a beautiful day!

Everything happens for a reason. I truly believe this even if I don't always like it. Some things happen from our own actions. Some things happen from our inactions. Some things are co-created through another person. But I believe most things happen as part of a divine plan.

I do not personally believe that our lives are all carved out for us by fate or anything but I do believe that the energy we put into the world and the actions we take set us on fluid paths that continue to change as we make our choices. I also believe that sometimes divine energy pops in to guide us back if we get a little stuck int he mud or wander a little too deep in the weeds. 

I believe that even this pandemic has meaning and message set in the divine. I don't believe it is as punishment but rather to guide us back to a slower life, one hopefully more in touch with nature. I think it is helping us see through some veils and help each of us find the power to explore our own reality. 

Does this belief make it easy? No. Sometimes I want to scream to the heavens "why?!" But most things come to light in due time. Relationships end so that something better can come along. Sometimes opportunities come in the aftermath of what feels like utter destruction. 

These are the things I remind myself when something is out of my control. It's not just that it is happening for a reason but that something positive will come of it, even if I never actually see it. What if that light had stayed green only to have someone run it and crash into you? Would you still complain about another red light? We never know how all the cards are falling and sometimes we never even see it in hindsight.

I like plans. I like lists and preparation. I like having a basic itinerary. I don't want it all spelled out and all the t's crossed but I want the basic layout so I know what to expect. But sometimes the best laid plans get tossed by one small hiccup. 

The hardest part for me is being in limbo. Disappointment is no fun but it is a finality that can be reconstructed in the mind to find some positive in it. The limbo, the not knowing, that is what stresses me. So today I practice finding peace in the knowledge that even if I don't know which way the coin will land, it will land that way for a reason. 

I'm grateful to recognize the familiar clench of anxiety. I'm grateful to observe it. I'm grateful to acknowledge that some of the struggle is compounded by lack of sleep. I'm grateful to focus on trust. I'm grateful to allow all the feelings to float through as I prepare myself for either relief and excitement or disappointment and sadness. I'm also grateful to know that the feelings will pass as I refocus on the positive and rebalance myself. I'm grateful to find meaning and comfort in my beliefs. 

What do you believe? What helps you when obstacles or disappointments arise?

May we trust our own beliefs. May we choose what is best for us. May we find healthy ways of moving forward when plans change. Have a beautiful day!

Often we hear the message to not use food for comfort or to not "stress eat". I think the real message is in watching what we choose as stress food.

Today I was stressed, very stressed. It turns out we had been exposed to someone who had gotten sick. Thankfully it turned out to not be Covid but it was enough to set my stress and anxiety soaring until we had all the information and answers. It put a lot in perspective for me on listening to my inner voice and making sure I am prioritizing what is truly important to us. 

In the meantime we needed breakfast and lunch. Stress, for me, is a whole body issue. I know it suppresses the immune system, it affects my thinking, and it drains me physically and emotionally. So when I look at what to eat for a meal, when I am stressed, I want beauty. I want color. I want crunch. I want to feel good about what I'm eating and what I am feeding my girls because I want to feel some control and some uplift from that food.

Today that meant meals saturated with sweet peppers, cucumbers, apples, and even pears. We had tomatoes because that is a basic staple in our family. While I made sure there was some healthy proteins to go along with all our fruits and veggies it was definitely more lopsided than usual. It was no surprise that my girls were happy to partake. 

The benefit was plenty of vitamin C, potassium, fiber, vitamin K, iron, maybe even some folate and other goodies. Guess what the body needs when it is under stress. Vitamin C, folate, and the B vitamins are a good place to start, plus a good round of vitamin Z (Zen, not the English band...though music is helpful too).

My point is that if we train our cravings to go after the correct things when we are stressed, then food for comfort is also food for health. (This is not to say I don't have other, unhealthy cravings like the addiction to dark chocolate. It is more about being mindful when I seek comfort in food.)

I'm grateful to have fruits and veggies always on hand. I'm grateful to have a good variety of fresh ones today. I'm grateful for our colorful meals. I'm grateful for how well my kiddos eat veggies (and of course, fruits). I'm grateful to get some good news that our friend does not have Covid. I'm grateful for all the medical options to help her be comfortable while she is regaining her health. I'm grateful for sounding boards that help me find my balance when anxiety starts trying to take over. I'm grateful for an amazing family. I'm grateful for the nourishment easily, and deliciously received and I'm grateful for the body's natural ability to find its way back to health.

What triggers you? What do you do when you are stressed? What foods do you seek for comfort?

May we nourish our bodies. May we listen to our inner voice and make the choices that support us. Have a beautiful day!

Well, some days winning is just in getting back up. I am not perfect. I am not a perfect mom that does everything right. In fact, I make a lot of mistakes. Hopefully at least my honesty and ability to humbly apologize will help narrow the gap. 

I love the song ,"Strong Enough to Bend" by Tanya Tucker. I try to remember that phrase as I navigate life. It isn't just in parenting or marriage. It isn't just in our words but also our actions. We have to find a flexibility. Yesterday I was able to tuck and roll with it. Today, I cracked. 

It was the perfect storm of lack of sleep, one child in meltdown and another one demanding everything she needed in that instant. It piggybacked just after a thirty minute battle of one child screaming the ultimate tantrum while the other was antagonizing to get some attention. And in between I let my mind wander to a negative place of comparison and missing something that is long gone even as I found a way to guilt and blame myself for something that is actually just natural. CRACK! 

The branch of a tree cannot hold the nests of all the birds. It holds one nest. It offers other branches for other nests but even then there is a limit. 

I am one person. I cannot hold it all. But I do not have to if I remember to ask for help and treat myself the way I treat my friends, with love and care, compassion and forgiveness. 

I'm grateful to have such great kids. I'm grateful to have gotten my dream come true in being a mom. I'm grateful to be reminded I am a good mom and nobody is perfect. I'm grateful to always be open with my girls when I make a mistake. I'm grateful to know respect and good listening is a two way street. I'm grateful for my husband who always has my back. I'm grateful to have a goal in mind but to work on letting go of how that looks in the details. I'm grateful to have music to help me calm down and bring positive thoughts back. I'm grateful to see how hard I am on myself and where I can give myself more grace.

What are some areas that you are good at "bending"? What do you do when you feel yourself starting to crack? 

May we find grace and compassion for ourselves and others. May we model the way we want the world to look, not just respond to the one we have. Have a beautiful day!

In talking to a client tonight it dawned on me why I have been feeling so much anger lately. At first I was quick to blame it on hormones. Then I thought it was a process of healing another layer of past trauma that had been brought to the surface. Tonight's conversation provided a much needed "aha" moment. Something I have been having a lot of lately.

This year has been a year of stress, upheaval, change, and as a result lots of anxiety attacks. I am normally one to mostly avoid confrontation. Yet for the last week or two I have just been feeling like a fight. In some ways it has allowed me to stand up for myself like I would not have in the past, though I have been mindful to keep it respectful. But inside I feel like I am boiling over sometimes which is a mostly new feeling for me. 

Well guess what brain level I have been in for the last four and a half months. That's right, stress and anxiety have put me in flight mode. Well apparently I've reached my limit on flight and my body is moving toward fight mode to give me some relieve, some sense of power no matter how false. 

Does it have to be this way? Are our options only fight or flight right now? Of course not. We always have a choice to find another way, find a way to pull ourselves out of the sympathetic state and back to a parasympathetic state. 

Exercise is my main outlet for bringing myself back down from anxiety. Bet you can guess what has been, once again, lacking from my routine. Yes, even after just a few weeks ago I committed to put it back in, I fell short. 

I have been meditating and doing yoga but both have been amid multiple interruptions lately which definitely makes them less effective. Part of this is just the stage of life I am at with two small kids but part of it is needing to commit to finding a better time to attempt these practices.

I'm grateful to receive another aha moment. I'm grateful to see where my words and "commitments" are falling short and not followed through. I'm grateful to see the effect it is having on my body and see I need to make a change. I'm also grateful to see this other side of myself for what it is and allow myself to feel the anger rather than stuffing it away. I'm grateful to recognize it and be mindful that I am still choosing to my interactions and not releasing these emotions on others. I'm grateful to apologize and be humble to those who have been witness to this. I'm grateful to find a plan and start moving forward. I'm grateful to rely on my training as I look for ways to build habits instead of make commitments.

Which state are you currently living in (sympathetic or parasympathetic)? What habits help keep you in balance and what habits can you shift to make this even better? 

May we take steps each day to improve our mental health. May we find grace in the aha moments and use them to move forward. Have a beautiful day!

This week I am finding the need for more reassurance, more downtime, and more loving interactions. I don't know if it is the alignment of the planets or simply the energy of chaos we have been living in with all the racial and covid divide. Whatever the reason for the need, the Universe is answering.

There was a book I had seen recommended called Rhythms of Renewal (by Rebekah Lyons). I put it on my hold list at the library back in January but there were a few people ahead of me on the list. Then the library shut down. I had completely forgotten about the book until I made our weekly library book pick-up run yesterday. In amongst all the books I had gotten for my girls was an adult book...Rhythms of Renewal. It has been nearly a year since I got myself a library book. I had completely forgotten what it was even supposed to be about. Then I read the tagline.

"Trading Stress and Anxiety for a Life of Peace and Purpose." It felt like a big cosmic hug. It reminded me I am supported and not just by my family and close friends. I've got the universe behind me and I can handle this. I've only read the introduction so far but it feels divinely orchestrated that this book would arrive now. 

It also seems strangely opportunistic that Deepak recently started a new meditation series. It is wildly helpful that my baby slept in the last two mornings which allowed me to get a little extra sleep. It is comforting that the books my daughter wants to read right now are based on Bob Marley songs and very uplifting. The more I look, the more I see how supported I am.

I'm grateful to see the Universe has my back. I'm grateful for all the things that held up me getting this book until now so that I could receive the information at the best time. I'm grateful to have some guided meditations to assist me while my mind is too keyed up to just sit. I'm grateful to just sit with my girls. I'm grateful to use music to give myself a mood boost. I'm grateful for my preschooler's great attitude lately that really helps the day go smoothly. I'm grateful to know I have support and love all around me. 

What helps you feel supported? How is the Universe showing you support? What coincidences are conspiring to help you?

May we see the ways we are supported in so many energetic ways. May we notice all the things that happen for a reason. Have a beautiful day!