I will admit I am finding some humor right now in writing a blog about finding peace as I am working through some seething anger. Yet this is exactly why I have chosen to write about it. 

Yesterday I watched the news as they recounted the Capitol building being breached. I listened to the people in the crowd call for something to be done, that something had been stolen from them, for violence. It was like watching another level of my confidence in humanity being peeled back. And as I felt the feelings of sadness, anxiety, and shock wash over me I felt something else creeping in too, anger. 

Outwardly I balked that this "small" group of people had lost their minds. I tried to convince myself that they are the rare few extremists. Yet over the last few years I can no longer feel confident in that ideal. I have witnessed the blatant racism and acts of violence. I have seen the swarms of people turn out to cause damage and chaos. It is not one side or the other because the violence has come from all around. We are in a war even without giving it the name. 

Why are people so angry? I could list a hundred reasons from at least three or four viewpoints. But only one matters. The only anger that matters is my own. If we dealt with what was causing our individual anger then we would have made great leaps to ending the violence and starting a productive step toward solutions. Anger is a great call to action. But it DOES NOT need to be a call to violence. It needs to be a call to look within.

Anger is often the result of fear or a feeling of lack of respect (a lack of being heard). Perhaps even in saying that I am repeating myself because isn't the feeling of lack of respect the fear of not being respected, not being equal, not being acknowledged? 

When I felt my anger creeping in yesterday I can't say I was surprised. I am not knew to this sadness moving to anger or fear moving to anger transition. I do not like to feel afraid. I do not like to question my beliefs, especially one so core as people being mostly good. (Though I do realize the duality the word "good" creates") I do not like to hear about someone being harmed, bullied, or killed by another person. 

Yet anger is not what solves the problem. Anger is just to get our OWN attention. It is then our job to look at that anger and make an action plan. This action plan is not one of violence, not of insults, not of retaliation. It is a plan to decipher what we need to feel at peace and what channels to go about making these changes happen legitimately and to bring understanding. 

We will not get World peace by pointing the finger. We will not get World peace by judging, accusing, and belittling. Peace comes in understanding. Peace comes in compassion. Peace comes in love. 

If you do only one thing this year, let it be seeking to understand your own triggers. Take the time to look at your anger and see what the root cause is and then start open talks about it. Be willing to hear the whole conversation. Be willing to readdress any anger that keeps popping up. Be willing to be the change. We only change the world by starting with ourselves.

I'm grateful to witness my anger. I'm grateful to see how one trigger can make other much lesser triggers more exposed. I'm grateful to know the things that feel like they are seething today are really the root of something much deeper that was triggered yesterday, and the last several years. I'm grateful to take time to breathe. I'm grateful to take time over and over again today to sit with these feelings and dig into the full scope of its roots. I'm grateful to know that we all have the choice to be kind and loving. I'm grateful to believe people want change and are willing to do so with their voices if they are given the opportunity. I'm grateful to ground and reground today so I can continue to make my own choices based in love. 

What makes you angry? What fears does it bring up? How do you respond when a core belief is shaken? How do you respond when you are not in control of something? How can you dig into the root of your feelings this year? How can you offer space to hear someone else?

May today remind us change starts within. May we find ways to give ourself a green light to flush old fears that are no longer our truth. May we heal old wounds so we can continue moving forward in love. May this year bring positive change and a chance for all voices to be heard without violence. Have a beautiful day! 

I'm feeling a little weary today as I learn of two more Covid deaths in my circle. Just yesterday someone was telling me there have been four deaths recently in her circle, three from Covid. Is it just me or have we been faced with a lot of death in the last several months? I hope for your sake it is just me but from the growing numbers of deaths recently I can't imagine my situation is uncommon. 

I am a gratitude coach. Shouldn't I be talking about happy stuff? Shouldn't I be wearing rose colored glasses that make everything seem ok? You may be surprised the number of times I hear this. I cannot tell you the number of times someone has balked at me when I have a bad day. I'm human. Gratitude isn't a magic bandaid, it is a practice to to help us focus on what is good. Some days that comes easier than others.

For all the power gratitude can hold, it does not instantly heal wounds. It doesn't make death easy, though sometimes it can help the sting just a little. 

Last year felt like a year of examining what was truly important. It felt like the year offered a lot of opportunities to see alternatives to our normal lifestyle. For my family that meant seeing what a blessing it was to slow down and spend more quality time together.

Perhaps this year is about facing fears, healing wounds, or even saying goodbye. I say this because it is hard to say it. I cringe writing the words and even more so reading them. I can feel my head scrunching down on my neck at the thought that more loved ones may pass before this pandemic is over. It would be easy to let my head swirl in anxiety even as I know it is beyond my control. 

I will never be good at goodbyes. It isn't in my personality. I get attached. I love easily. Most of my clients feel more like friends than just acquaintances that come each month. I take the time to get to know people, to ask questions, to wish them joy. 

In life there are times of growth, times of change, times of rest. Perhaps this year will provide opportunities for growth and reflection. Perhaps we will be offered the chance to heal old wounds or address old fears. I do hope that these opportunities will come gently. 

I am grateful. I'm grateful to  every challenge is an opportunity for growth. I'm grateful to breathe into this. I'm grateful for my health. I'm grateful for the health of my immediate family. I'm grateful to start asking myself some hard questions. I'm grateful for all the safety protocols in place to help keep me and my loved ones from getting sick. I'm grateful to have met these two special people who have passed. I'm grateful for the hope the vaccine will help slow this pandemic. I'm grateful for the reminder to allow my feelings and to be honest, even here.

What could this year's theme be for you? What lessons may be in store? How are you doing with all the changes this pandemic has brought? How is your joy and gratitude? 

This can be a tough time of year, even without the things going on this year. If you are feeling down, please reach out to someone you trust or to someone who can help. If you are struggling with a deeper depression or harmful thoughts, please seek help immediately. You are loved. You are needed. This world needs your light. If you would like to start a gratitude practice to help you find the good, please email me. 

Now, I do not want to close this blog on a heavy note. We will get through this. We all have a role to play and the world needs each one of us to shine our light. Tonight would be a great night for holding space, saying prayers, meditating, whatever you want to call it. Take some time and send some positive vibes into the world. Ask God to give you some comfort. Whatever you need, ask for it. Perhaps we will find we get everything we ask for...until then, feel hope and have a beautiful day!

One great thing about the joining of two families through marriage is the sharing of traditions. Between my husband's family and mine there are a lot of traditions this time of year. From advent calendars and ornament painting to gingerbread houses and cookie decorating; there is a lot of creativity (and mess) in the air this time of year.

This weekend we decorated sugar cookies. It was a blast. There was a wide range of how they turned out but all of them were perfect in their own way from the yellow reindeer to the green sprinkled tree. We went through half a jar of sprinkles and three batches of frosting to create our masterpieces. And while I will be finding sprinkles until at least Valentine's Day, it was well worth it getting to see my preschooler participate. (The toddler just ate her cookie and a handful of sprinkles and went on her way.)

We also took the time to build our gingerbread house this weekend. As you can see from the picture above, it's really more of a home than just a house. It is clearly lived in and adorned with love. 

I always laugh seeing the box picture of how the supplies were intended to look when put together. Even if I hadn't had my preschooler do the majority of the decorating it would not have looked anywhere close to the picture. But does perfection really have any room in these kind of holiday traditions? 

I think the real answer to that question depends on what you are calling perfection. The decorating may not look like perfection to an outside eye but for me this is one of the most perfect gingerbread houses we have made. Why? Because my whole family participated!

My husband and I took turns squeezing out some frosting. Our preschooler helped guide our hands to outline the house features and also busied herself sticking on the candies. Even our toddler sprinkled on some candy...at least the pieces we were fast enough to keeping her from eating. It was really fun. My husband and I got a little chuckle out of the end result and my oldest has declared it is the most beautiful house she's ever seen. 

 I'm grateful that perfection is not stuck in one definition. I'm grateful perfection is in the eye of the beholder. I'm grateful that for me and my family participation IS perfection because time together is the most important. I'm so grateful for all the time together this weekend. I'm grateful for all the fun traditions this time of year. I'm grateful to have an advent calendar for the first time. I'm grateful to be enjoying the family activities each day. I'm grateful for the joys of the season being so much brighter and richer when we are together.

What are your favorite traditions this time of year? What traditions have you kept from your childhood and what new ones have you picked up as an adult? How do you define perfection? Does that definition feel good?

May we all write our definitions to build us up with grace and love. May we find joy in traditions, new and old. Have a beautiful day!

Most years this picture would sum up the Christmas season; dark snowy scene and a train blur passing trying to get things done. This year doesn't feel that way, at least not to me. 

I can't remember a year, as a massage therapist, that has been this slow at Christmas time. I certainly have never experienced the levels of cancelations that I've seen this season. My personal life seems to be more laid back this year too. Even with the addition of homeschooling I have had plenty of time for ordering and wrapping gifts. (Perhaps some of the ease is also from ordering rather than going to the stores.) 

Do I still find myself stressed over the pandemic, you bet. It is hard to know the numbers are so high and continue to put myself out there. But I have to trust that my clients are being honest and safe. I have to trust that I am doing everything I can. And I have to trust that taking the precautions I do will be enough.

This season is about believing in miracles. It is about being saved. It is about kindness and helping others. I believe in the work I do. I believe I am making a difference. I believe miracles can happen. And I believe this pandemic can be overcome if we take the necessary steps. I believe that even though this year is drastically different from any other Christmas season I have been through, it will still be a great holiday.

But when I find myself struggling to trust, struggling to believe, and having a hard time finding the light; there is one more tool I can use. I can simply breathe. I can be thankful for the mere ability to take a deep breath. I can breathe in the love and support of my family and friends. I can breathe in the scents of the season and be reminded to believe. 

I'm grateful for trust. I'm grateful to choose to be around people that I can trust. I'm grateful to believe. I'm grateful to believe in miracles. I'm grateful to believe in myself. I'm grateful to be surrounded by love. I'm grateful for the amazing people in my life. I'm grateful for cautious clients who keep their health and my own in mind. I'm grateful to be able to make a difference this year even if it looks different than previously. I'm grateful to trust and when that trust waivers I'm grateful to breathe. I'm also grateful for those in my life that help me remember balance.

What tools are you using this season? 

May we work together to come through this pandemic stronger and more united. May we enjoy this Christmas season for it's unique opportunities and slow pace. Have a beautiful day!

This time of year has really lent itself to making homeschool easier. My preschooler is so excited for the holidays and all the stories and traditions and bounty that brings. So I have taken full advantage of using the "tools" of the season to work on our lessons.

Today we talked about the letter S for Santa and Snow and Sugar Cookies (and that the S in Sugar makes a different sound). She colored a Santa and traced the letters and then we added the fur to the hat and beard and snow with our favorite puffy "snow" paint. 

We got to use blocks of wood that I wrapped in leftover wrapping paper to find different ways we could sort. There were different sizes and shapes and different paper which we got to count after we sorted each way. In between re-sorting, the gifts had to be delivered through an obstacle course. 

I think she could have done math all day with those present blocks. We also had fun imagining what could be in that shape of box. And she enjoyed giving the gifts to different toys. It was a fun way to start the week, and not just for her.

I have been more caught up in the joy of this season than any other year. Watching not one but two little ones get so excited about the lights and gifts (even the fake block ones) and making things for others has really rekindled the spirit of Christmas for me. Even the parts that would normally seem stressful like getting the gifts ready, seem like a fun task this year.

I'm grateful for a change in perspective this season. I'm grateful to have my holiday spirit rekindled. I'm grateful for fun and creative ways to teach my preschooler. I'm grateful for my dad's eagerness to assist and all the different blocks he cut and sanded for me to b able to have this activity. I'm grateful for how many concepts can be done through play at this age. I'm grateful for "snow" paint and how fluffy and soft it is. I'm grateful to embrace the mess and I'm grateful to also have two little helpers when it is time to clean up. I'm grateful for the fun we had today with the promise of more fun later this week as we bake cookies and paint ornaments.

What are your favorite things to do this time of year? What sparks your holiday spirit, no matter which holiday you celebrate? What makes your job easier or more enjoyable and why?

May today rekindle our passion and joy. May we allow excitement to carry us through the season and make even the everyday tasks a little easier. Have a beautiful day!

This morning started with listening to a whole bunch of big feelings from my preschooler. As I listened to her I couldn't help but notice how my own feelings twisted and turned in response. Part of me wanted to "correct" her or diminish those feelings. Part of me wanted to just cry alongside her. But they aren't called diminish-ings or placate-ings or even bandwagon-ing; they are called FEEL-ings. So we sat there, feeling. 

We talked a little afterwards but not much. I have learned my daughter mostly likes to dump the big emotions she is feeling and then move on. I take a little more processing. I know they aren't called think-ings but for me part of feeling them is understanding the trigger. Unlike some days, I didn't dig in today. Today I observed and felt and noticed possible things that stemmed the reaction for me. 

Not every day is meant to be analyzed. Not every day can be deep and meaningful progress. Some days are made for rest and observation. Some days are made for just FEEL-ing all the feels that show up. That is what today is for me.

I'm grateful my preschooler shares her feelings with me. I'm grateful to have turned off the "fix it" mode today and responded how I wish I always would by just listening and being present. I'm grateful to respect her feelings and honor them. I'm grateful to honor her process of moving on. I'm grateful to honor my own process of observation as I feel. I'm grateful to take time this afternoon to just rest and simply be. I'm grateful to feel deeply and know this can be a strength. 

What triggers your big emotions? What is your process for moving through and FEEL-ing your emotions? 

​May today provide time and space, the rest is up to us. May we feel deeply. Have a beautiful day!

It is three days after Thanksgiving and I've already had to file a claim of theft and fraud. 'Tis the season of shopping for gifts and giving. Unfortunately there are some out there who take advantage of that. 

I have gotten very careful about where I shop, especially if I have to do it online. Yet today's incidence was a local store. In fact, the order itself went just fine. Yet somehow my order was picked up by someone else, supposedly showing my confirmation number, and carted off. To make the situation more frustrating the manager was unwilling to remedy the situation and was dismissive, not caring at all. 

I was so angry to spend my Sunday afternoon filing a police report, speaking to the bank on how to get a refund when the store refuses, and filing a complaint with the corporate office about the stores lack of customer service. In fact, I felt it boiling in me. Surely it was a mistake, but then why hadn't it been returned when the error was noticed? How can there be such disregard for customer service when I offered several options of proving I had not picked up my order? Why am I stuck dealing with all this when I just wanted to hang out with my family?

It is easy to go spiraling down that path when things go wrong. There are so many questions and no good answers which make the frustrations compound. 

Luckily I have a great husband who helped to keep me centered and goal oriented rather than spiraling. Everyone, aside from the store manager, was very helpful in assisting me. And aside from not having closure on the matter yet, it is at least in the works of things being remedied as best they can in situations like these.

I'm grateful my bank has fraud protection and will refund what the store will not. I'm grateful for the kind police officer who followed up and guided me through what will come next. I'm grateful that, even though there will most likely never be an answer to where my stuff went, he was willing to take the time to check into it and file the report. I'm grateful for the corporate customer service assistant who reassured me the matter would be looked into on their end as well. I'm grateful to hold the hope that somehow it is a misunderstanding and not intentionally stolen. I'm grateful for my kids who were so patient as I spent most the afternoon on the phone and changing passwords. I'm grateful for my amazing husband that is great at action plans to keep me focused. I'm grateful to remember a big part of this season for me is remembering to let go and focus on what is most important. I'm grateful for my family. I'm grateful for the ability to order things and for the blessing of curbside pickup during this pandemic. I'm grateful to have tomorrow off to make up some of the family time missed today. 

What is most important to you this time of year? Is it different from other times of the year? What things do you get caught up on during this season? What sparks your stress or even anger and what can you do to help let go?

​May today remind us what is truly important. May we find ways to forgive and let go. Have a beautiful day!

This is the morning of my week that requires a little extra oomph. Instead of taking a shower and then getting my girls ready for the day; I wrangle a dog into the shower, then each of my girls and finally do a quick shower myself. It is a process for sure but much faster than giving everyone a separate bath. 

On this particular morning I also had some vacuuming to do because my vacuuming day is Thanksgiving this week. I am grateful for my vacuum and a clean house...but I am not using it on Thanksgiving if I don't have to!

In the midst of everything I am feeling excited and a little nervous as I took on another commitment starting December 1st. I did something for myself that I have always wanted to do. I joined a book club. It is a weekly one that is only for the month of December so it is quite a commitment. 

When I was asked to join my initial reaction was "I absolutely can't take on one more thing!" I mean I'm working and navigating the covid cancelations and surveys and precautions, homeschooling, raising two girls, caring for an ailing dog, treating our house for the fleas she had, trying to maintain the house and spend some few minutes a day with my husband...oh and blogging. Some days it feels like a lot! 

Something stopped me from saying no. Perhaps it was the book that was going to be discussed and how it resonated especially as I process a recent loss. Perhaps it was a need to reconnect with these friends that I have not gotten to physically be with during the pandemic. Perhaps it was just wanting to do something for ME and it being one thing I've been wanting to do for years. No matter what the reason I finally told myself, "I can do this." And if keeping up with everyone else doesn't work, the worst that happens is I read when I can and chat with them later. Either way there is nothing to lose if I am moving forward with grace.

The most important factor in success is in what we tell ourselves. How are we going to frame it? What defines failure anyway? Success is only gained from trying and believing in ourselves is the first step.

I'm grateful to give myself some faith. I'm grateful to believe I can do this. I'm grateful to believe this book has something to offer even as it is different from my usual type of books (or possibly BECAUSE it is different). I'm grateful to say yes when I could have said no. I'm grateful to give myself this opportunity. I'm grateful for my friends inviting me. I'm grateful for a productive morning and a day of leisure and thanks tomorrow. I'm grateful for all my husband's help in cleaning and in helping with the shower shuffle of children. 

What can you reframe today? Where can you give yourself some grace and where can you believe in yourself a little more? What is one thing you have been wanting to do?

May today give us the boost of self-confidence to say yes. May we take the opportunities as they come and know it will work out as it is meant to work out. Have a beautiful day!

There really is joy in giving. I was feeling a little overwhelmed again last week. There is a lot to get done over the coming days and I wasn't convinced there was actually enough time to do it. Thankfully I have a whole team of supportive people in my life!

One of the things needing done was delivering presents my daughter had made for some of her friends. Another task was delivering cards for Thanksgiving. (I had decided this year more than ever needed Thanksgiving cards more than Christmas cards so we could add some positive light as we enter the holiday season.)

The cards I settled for mostly just mailing. The presents needed hand delivered. Hand delivering them definitely took more time, but it was well worth it! It was so nice seeing the smiles on my daughter and her friends' faces as she shared the gifts she made them. It was such a gift to share in their joy.

I was also blessed to have mom watch my kiddos a little this weekend so I could get some other tasks done. I was able to make my mom a new mask, as well as some for me, and get some preschool planning done. My mom always says it is as much a gift to her as it is to me. And isn't it true? Giving is a gift in itself. It brings joy to both parties. 

I'm so grateful for my amazing support system, especially my mom. I'm grateful for my sewing machine holding up all these years. I'm grateful to have the ability to make my own masks. I'm grateful for my daughter's generosity in giving gifts to her friends and asking to get something for her sister too. I'm grateful to support her in giving. I'm so grateful to be reminded how good it feels to give and how it can bolster up my mood and mindset in such a positive way. I'm grateful to be heading into a season specifically about giving. I'm grateful to start by giving thanks for all the beautiful blessings in my life.

How are you doing? Between the pandemic, Winter coming, and the holiday season; what are you doing for self-care? If you are struggling, know you are not alone and there is support out here for you. And if you feel it in you to find a way to give, you may find that just that act is a good way to start feeling great again. 

​May today help us remember the true spirit of this season. May we give with a generous heart and feel the gift of joy in return. Have a beautiful day!

What makes you feel discombobulated? When do you feel persnickety? For me, often times it is when there is a smorgasbord of demands and I feel like the "plates" are starting to fall. Other times it is little things like my kids not being loving to each other or things getting wasted or broken. 

Today was a morning full of triggers for me. It started off well enough but then a few hiccups set me on edge. The first was my preschooler pouring her cow's milk into her sister's oat milk. It was in the pretense to share which was sweet but her sister can't have cow's milk and she refused to drink the combo milk so both cups got wasted. Then it was the last of the cereal being thrown out instead of eaten. Then four demands coming from every direction three minutes after I was supposed to have already left the house for my doctor's appointment. 

I specify what the morning triggers were because looking back I can see that they were minor. They were things that could have been brushed off as a learning lesson and released. And as for the being in demand while running late, the first is always going to happen as a mom so really it is just my trigger around being late. While these all seem like small potatoes, they were enough to make me discombobulated. 

So what do you do when this happens? I will admit my initial response was not the one I prefer. I let my triggers take over as I stood at the door, rather than taking a moment to breathe. I apologized and reconciled this behavior but it got me thinking what could I do differently.

Breathing deeply and slowly often helps. Yet when I am triggered, sometimes that logical side feels far reaching. What about a distraction? One thing I enjoy is weird words. You may have noticed a couple in this post already. I like words that make me giggle. I can't even really tell you why they make me giggle. Words like discombobulated, persnickety, smorgasbord, grommet, and pumpernickel are just a few of such words. What if I could use this knowledge of myself to make that shift? Or perhaps just a simple hug or physically sitting down could also work. 

I'm grateful to be triggered so I could explore other ways to find comfort. I'm grateful to search a new way that is outside the box. I'm grateful for words. I'm grateful for words that make me laugh. I have been told that I am easily amused and even been called simple. But you know what, I'm grateful for this trait. I'm grateful to find amusement where some may not. I'm grateful to be simple in some ways because there is enough complexity each day without me adding to it...by being persnickety. Haha! I'm grateful to laugh. I'm grateful to say I'm sorry and be able to be honest when I have made a choice that isn't in line with who I want to be. I'm grateful to be always learning and growing.

What are some of your techniques? In what ways are you simple and what ways are you complex? What makes you laugh?

May today remind us that we are all human. May we find a way to laugh and move forward. Have a beautiful day!