In other ways I can't believe only three months time could change so much. I can't imagine life without our sweet baby girl. It seems like longer since we had a screaming-in-pain six week old when I look at my mellow, smiling thirteen week old. We've already been through a few bumps but they were all so worth it.
I read an article today asking if you could go back, knowing what you know now, would you choose to have children again. Rather than everyone saying "absolutely" or "it was rough but totally worth it" there was a lot of raw honesty. One mom whose son had mental health issues says she would not if only to save him the struggle he will face his whole life. One scientist wrote no because of the climate issues that our children will have to face. And several others said they loved their kids but no, if they had the choice again they would not.
I read that article and let these comments sink in. These parents answered honestly. It's not that the "it was worth it" answers are not honest; they are definitely some people's truth. But it was healing to me in some way to hear that not everyone feels that way. It doesn't mean they love their kids any less. It just means they would have made a different choice.
Becoming a mother with my first was a much rougher transition than I had been prepared for. It was hard for me to accept the areas I fell short of my own high expectations. I worried that I may fall down the same hole with my second but it turns out once those standards were proven impractical the journey for number two has been much smoother.
Reading the responses in the article gave me permission to ask myself what my honest answer would be. I think I would have been happy after my first divorce moving forward with the plans I made based on remaining on my own. But no matter how happy I would have been it always would have been my "plan B". I always wanted to be a mom and even with the rough transition, no matter how many times I get thrown up on, no matter how many poop accidents I have to clean, and no matter how many tantrums I have to navigate; this would always be my choice. I wouldn't change my mind because of the challenges because nothing compares to the love, the hugs, the "love you mommy", and most of all the watching a child grow into themselves and waiting to see what beauty they will add to the world.
Yes, there are many problems with the world as it is today. The climate is only one of those troubles my girls will face. But I truly believe nothing is set in stone. We can use our children for motivation if we need to to prompt us to make those changes. And we can build our children up to use their minds and confidently pursue ways to make this world better.
I'm grateful for the raw honesty of the article. I'm grateful for the perspective of those parents that gave a different response. I'm grateful to allow myself to take an honest look at this question myself. I'm grateful to know I could have been happy either way. I'm grateful to know that I have no regrets. I'm grateful to know that each challenge makes me stronger and that it is worth it for the love I get to give and receive. I'm grateful for three amazing months with my little and three wild and wonderful years with my oldest. I'm grateful for many more to come. I'm grateful for my beautiful girls. And I'm grateful to still use the word beautiful even as the world is trying to tell us not to comment on girls' beauty, because there are a million types of beautiful both inside and out and my girls will know they are beautiful in their own way. I'm grateful to be a mom and I'm grateful to be on this journey with my amazing husband who is my rock and soulmate.
Would you choose your current path again? What aspects do you appreciate and which would you change? How can you move toward the life you most want?
May we all find he blessings in the path we chose. May we move forward with no regrets but a healthy dose of honesty. Have a beautiful day!