Last night I found myself apologizing to my husband because I felt I had been acting cranky. He said I had not, like a sweet husband would but within myself I can feel that reactiveness inside myself. I once again heard the words, "I just don't feel like myself."
Before I fell asleep last night it occurred to me that perhaps not feeling like myself was more an issue of letting go than reclaiming. I will never be my old self. This experience has changed me and this beautiful child ensures that nothing will ever be the way it was before. And I wouldn't want it to because I can't imagine my life without her now.
So I am redefining myself. I cannot claim to not feel like myself because I AM myself. That claim only means I am not acting like I would like to be acting and so I am making a commitment to myself and to my family to start acting like the "myself" I want to be. I can consciously choose to create this new me in the image I want.
My monkey mind that chatters in stress, that can go. I will begin to put into practice the stress reducing techniques that I used to use and even teach but adapt them to my new life. I will remember the old me as a mold of who I was but I will no longer use it as the measuring tape. I am a new person, born again as my daughter was born. And I am blessed with this new opportunity to create myself.
I'm grateful for this realization. I'm grateful to begin letting go of the past version of myself. I'm grateful to have the opportunity to be born again as a new edition. I'm grateful for the resolve to build consciously. And I'm grateful for my loving husband and sweet daughter who will be my inspiration. Bring on the new, grateful me!
Is there anything you want to let go? Is there a new you that you would like to consciously build?
May today honor who we was and give us the energy to create who we want to become. Have a beautiful day!