As the countdown to baby begins so does the push to find names. My husband and I believe in narrowing the list to just a few and then choosing the one that fits once we see our child. It worked well for our first daughter but the list of names keeps changing during this pregnancy. 

Some people use names that are passed down or in some way honor a family member. Other people choose names that are exotic of have a unique spelling. There are websites full of thousands of names to help everyone find what they are looking for.  

Luckily for my husband and I we don't agree on a lot of names. We each nix quite a few which helps shorten the list dramatically. The addition of a second child also means steering clear of names that sound similar to our older daughter's name so that cuts a few more out. We toss out ideas and weed through the possibilities.

The trick is we won't really know her personality. We will only have the information of what she looks like at birth and how the the pregnancy and delivery go. Yet with my daughter we seemed to have chosen perfectly as she seems to be a beautiful combination of happy, strong, and ...well lets call it persistence. 

Again last night my husband and I edited out list. We have it narrowed back down to four names but now do not have a set middle name either which makes the combinations numerous. I trust that when I see her and hold her in my arms the name will be more obvious. I trust that each of the names we picked will give her space to grow as an individual. 

I'm grateful to have the list narrowed back down a little. I'm grateful my husband and I have such different taste in names that helps weed through the choices. I'm grateful for the ease of choosing my daughter's name once I saw her. I'm grateful for the hope it can be that easy again with baby number two. I'm grateful to know that if need be she may change it when she is older. I'm grateful to see how a name can help build an image but also how a person can rewrite the image of a name in their own way.

How important do you think a name is? If you have kids, how did you choose their names? Do you like your name?

May today remind us that nothing can hold us back from reaching our full potential without our consent. May we see the beauty in the name given to us. Have a beautiful day!

Do you remember the game where you try to balance the monkeys? You could hang them from each other or off a tree. If you hung too many on one side the tree tipped and dumped them all. 

I feel like this game is a good metaphor for parenting. How many monkeys can you balance? How many other aspects of life can you balance at the same time without tipping the tree? 

It is easy to see how the monkeys represent our children. One child can't sleep and gets up multiple times to come in the bedroom to ask you things or get you to lay with her. It wakes the mom, which in turn disturbs the baby that was resting quietly in her belly. The baby now moves in its own belly dance trying to get comfortable again. And the several trips in and out of the bedroom to escort the first child back to bed disturbs the dog who is now huffing loudly and grumbling about the disturbance. Meanwhile mom is now fully awake. 

Add in the regular daily activities of work, cleaning the house, running errands, carving out meaningful interactions with each child, and maybe, just maybe some downtime to recover from no sleep the night before and the monkeys in the tree seem to be adding up. So where is the balance? How do we juggle all the monkeys and find a place to hang them without toppling the tree? 

In theory it all begins with a good night's sleep and self-care. But as a parent we all know that itself can be a trick at different stages of this game. Early morning seems to be my best chance at getting some "me" time but when I have ben up all night it makes it a challenge. 

Somehow it helps me to think of it like a game. To picture the monkeys hanging on the tree gives me a playful visual at a time of much needed patience. And when all else fails at least I can always count on my breathing skills. In and out, in and out. 

I'm grateful to try to find some humor in being up all night. I'm grateful to know I will survive this stage, as all the parents who have come before me have survived. I'm grateful for the nights I do get to sleep. I'm grateful for a little "me" time. I'm grateful for the blessing of one sweet monkey who keeps me on my toes and another one on the way. I'm grateful to see the need for attention and meaningful connection is strong today and commit to scrapping our plans and staying home. I'm grateful for more fun activities for our weekly theme to give more opportunities for my daughter and I to do together. I'm grateful for the slim possibility of a nap in my afternoon before I head off to work. And I'm grateful to know that even on the days I cannot seem to balance the monkeys, there will always be tomorrow to try again. 

How do you balance all your monkeys? How do you handle it when the tree tips? Do you find routine or flexibility is your best aid for balancing?

​May today help each of us find balance. May we find humor in the game and know we can always try again. Have a beautiful day!

After a cold, snowy Winter and a long, wet Spring it was so nice to see the sun for a full day yesterday. My daughter and I took advantage of every moment between going to the pool, then the playground, only to return home for a picnic on the deck. It was just what we needed!

There is something healing about having the sun shining down on my shoulders. It renews me. It helps me sleep better at night and provides more energy during the day. The same seems to be true for my daughter.

It is the simple things that sometimes impact us the most. Many times we not even be fully aware or be able to put our finger on exactly the cause. And for me it has been easy to say that the weary and even blah feelings are from late pregnancy or from anemia. Yet yesterday proved there was another element at play. 

I'm grateful for the sun shining down. I'm grateful most of the week is supposed to grace us with sunshine. I'm grateful to feel like Summer has arrived. I'm grateful for the energy the sun provides both for me and for nature. I'm grateful to see my lilies opening. I'm grateful to watch my daughter play outside and get to go swimming with her. I'm grateful for the way everything seems to light up as Summer finally seems in swing. I'm grateful for picnic lunches and other outdoor activities to kick off the nice weather.

What is your favorite thing about Summertime? What is your favorite sunny day activity? 

​May today brighten our day and our spirits. May we find balance in the sun's return. Have a beautiful day!

I had to laugh last night. My daughter woke up just before three, crying. I went in to comfort her as usual. She asked me to lay with her and hold her hand and I did.

After about twenty minutes I told her I was very tired and needed to go back to my bed to sleep. This is our routine. Partly it is because I think it is important for her to fall asleep by herself, if possible, rather than awakening later to find I have slipped out. She whined a little but said goodnight.

Ten minutes later, just as I am about to drift off to sleep the bedroom door bangs open. In marches my little sweetheart dragging her huge pillow and her blankie. She pushes them up onto the bed and starts climbing up. "What are you doing?" I ask both amused and curious as she has never been allowed to sleep in our bed. 

"You are just tired, Mommy. I will hold your hand so you can fall asleep. I can hold Daddy's hand too. It's ok," Explained my sweet child as she climbed over me into the middle. I was both touched by the sentiment of her taking care of us and highly humored by the ability to serve her self-interest with such a sweet spin. 

We chatted for a minute and then I assured her I was not worried anymore and ready to go to sleep. Her daddy took her back to her bed and rested with her for a short while, holding her hand until she went back to sleep. 

I love the thought processing that goes on at this age. I love the funny things they do and say. And I love this amazing, ridiculous, sweet, and charming little girl. Acting out of thoughtful self-interest is not rare. I think many of us do it more than we realize.

When I offered to make french toast with homemade syrup last week it wasn't 100 percent for my daughter. It sounded good to me or I wouldn't have offered. Yesterday driving home from the playground we stopped for icecream. Yes, I knew she would love that but in all honesty I was the one hot and needing something refreshing. 

I'm grateful for the mid-night laugh. I'm grateful for my daughter's sweet personality. I'm grateful for her wonderful skill of thought processing. I'm grateful to hold my daughter's hand at night and be there when she needs comfort. I'm also grateful to have an amazing husband that will take a shift too so I can get back to sleep. I'm grateful to believe my family is a team and that we work best together. And I'm grateful for all the love we share, even in the middle of the night.

What is something you do out of self interest that is kind for others? What humor has come your way as you recognize some of the motives you or those around you use?

​May today provide laughter. May we recognize our reflection in others and give love where it is needed. Have a beautiful day!

In our home there is a room that is listed as a bedroom. It would hold a twin size bed and does technically have a small closet cubby.. Yet the room has french doors on one side and four windows that extend across the entire length of the room on the opposite side. It also has two skylights. It is a beautiful sunroom or atrium but not a bedroom.

It is easily my favorite room of the house. Before I had a child I used the room for my morning yoga and meditation, sat in there to do my computer work, and enjoyed a glass of wine in there on the occasional evening with my husband. Since my daughter has been born and my work has been more focused on massage the room has been used very little. It still serves as a guest room with the loveseat pulling out into a small bed but has also become the catch all room for my massage table and chair. 

Now I do my computer work from the kitchen table or the sofa and my rare chances to meditate or do yoga are performed on the floor in the library or basement. As I sit on the cusp of change with a second beautiful child due soon; I cannot help but see how much I need my soul space back. I have felt it for a while and ignored it but it is time to really focus on self-care and preparing a balance for the days to come. 

Yesterday I woke to the heavy rain coming down once again. We have been getting a lot of rain lately. I went and sat in my favorite room and just listened to the rain as it pattered the skylight like a drum. The clouds made the room very dim and I didn't open the curtains, simply watched and listened to the skylight's song. It was healing.

I have a few more weeks until this child is due. That gives me a little time to start clearing the room a bit and finding places to store other things. Then once the time arrives I will remove my massage table and only set it up once a month when my family is in need. There is no reason for it to stay up all month as all my non-familiar clients are seen in my actual office studio outside my home. 

My yoga mat will come back in and my laptop will find a place in the drawer next to the loveseat. I will reclaim my soul space. Just the thought fill my heart. And my favorite room will welcome me back with open arms. 

I'm grateful to have such a unique and beautiful space right here in my home. I'm grateful to recognize the need to return to this space. I'm grateful to put myself first for this project. I'm grateful for my beautiful tree Isa who has been with me over the decades and continues to provide fresh air, beauty, and companionship. I'm grateful for the skylights in the rain and the beautiful view of the windows. I'm grateful to have a deep backyard that is wooded for privacy. I'm grateful for this space that feeds my soul.

Where do you go to unwind or recharge? What is your favorite place to feed your soul? Is it in your home or somewhere else? How often do you use this space?

​May today remind us the importance of recharging. May we find the space that nourishes up and make the space and time to use it. Have a beautiful day!

The Summer Solstice has arrived! The first day of Summer is here and with the changing of the seasons comes abundance to celebrate. 

The Summer Solstice is the day we have the most sunlight. Already the sky is turning pink as the sun begins to rise in the neighborhood. It reminds us of the light inside each of us and can serve to reignite the sparks of our passions as we evaluate what is important to us moving forward.

This is also a time of change and beginnings as we move to a new season and reconnect with nature as the weather invites us outside. We have had a particularly rainy Spring and while the rain is predicted to continue the forecast says it will hold off for a portion of today so we can celebrate.

While nature is providing an abundance of light it is a great time for me to reflect on the abundance in my life. I woke early this morning (about 4:30) to the soft rhythmic movements of my soon-to-be-born baby having hiccups. She is testing the new skills of breathing and preparing herself for the weeks to come when she will emerge into this wonderful world. 

I'm so blessed to have an amazing husband and now two beautiful daughters to celebrate. I have a job that provides income and flexibility. We have a home full of love that is supportive of our growth. I'm surrounded by friends and family who are loving, generous, and kind. And I have a dog that despite not getting the attention she deserves is loyal, loving, and always willing to be near us.  Abundance flows fully here.

I'm grateful for the changing of the seasons. I'm grateful for the Summer Solstice and to take time today to reflect and celebrate. I'm grateful to spend this day with friends. I'm grateful the weather is cooperating for some outdoor time. I'm grateful for the symbolism and reminders this day brings. I'm grateful for all the abundance in my life. I'm grateful to feel the gentle, rhythmic hiccups of my sweet, new baby. I'm grateful to take time to just stay in bed this morning and reflect on all my blessings and the beauty of this day, this moment, and this chapter of my life. I'm grateful for sunshine. I'm grateful for all mother nature provides in her balance and cycles. And I'm grateful to be a part of this beautiful world.

What are you grateful for today? What abundance can you celebrate in your life? What significance of the Solstice resonates with you the most?

May today provide balance and light. May we see clearly all our blessings and the abundance that surrounds us. May we celebrate the light within while taking time to enjoy the sunlight as well. Have a beautiful day!

Last night sparked contemplation on the many levels of connection we have these days. A dear friend of mine lost a classmate and was sad her only communication recently was a Facebook birthday wish. It reminded me the feeling of a dear client lost a year and a half ago. I had thought to text her that night but resisted and the next morning she was gone. 

Often times when someone passes we think back on the last interaction we had with that person. Was it positive? Did we say how much we cared about them? Were we present in the connection that day or distracted?

And then there is the whole Facebook and social media debate. It is that level of connection that is there and yet detached. If used with ill intent it can allow someone to be harsh or bully without feeling as culpable, as many critics point out. It gives a false sense of connection because of all the "friends" and "likes" we build. 

While I cannot argue either of these points I see the beauty in this connection too. If it were not for this lower level of connection I would not be able to keep in touch with family members such as my mom's cousins or even my husband's cousins. I would not be able to see their joys as a child graduates or their struggle as they go through life's bumps. I would not be able to reach out and offer comfort in this smallest way. 

The thought of having three hundred friends and family in close connection that I call monthly or even yearly to connect seems overwhelming. Sometimes I drop the ball on even the thirty or so that I am closest. And without my calendar alerts or Facebook alerts I probably would not always remember the birthdays of even those closest to me; some days I can't even keep track of the day of the week. 

It is heartbreaking to lose someone. And it hits the heart to lose someone even when we were not close to them. Even the loss of my best friend's grandmother had me reflecting on why I hadn't taken my daughter over more to visit her and bring her a smile. And to some extent it is a reminder of our priorities. Maybe it is a reminder to reevaluate. But it is also not feasible to have a deep connection with everyone we have met throughout the years. 

I'm grateful for the deep connections I have with my close family and friends. I'm grateful to do what I can to be there for them through thick and thin. I'm grateful to feel the same love and connection reflected to me. I'm grateful for Facebook and other social media that allows me to have a different level of connection with a wider base of family, friends, and acquaintances. I'm grateful to be able to wish them happy birthday or send love and prayers or congratulations as I have this level of connection. I'm grateful to recognize the wound it leaves on me when a good person leaves this world. And I'm grateful that not every person I have met over the years has maintained the connection to contribute to this type of wound so that my sensitivity can be held deeper for those who are my deepest connections.

What level of connections do you prefer for your family, friends, and acquaintances? How do you choose to keep in contact with the people you meet versus the people who have made a deeper impact on your life?

May today remind us the beauty of even the smallest of connections. May we consciously choose the level of connection we want to hold with each person we meet. And may we find peace in our hearts for those lost, Have a beautiful day!

I enjoy reading books that make me think or help me grow. There are plenty of books out there I have enjoyed on positive parenting and several "self-help" books that have inspired me. Brené Brown is one author I have enjoyed, especially her book The Gift of Imperfection.

Recently I read a book called Unglued. It was a little more bible focused than my nature but there was a lot of great take-away thoughts. The part that touched me most was not getting caught up in the moments we fall back to old habits or reactions, but rather recognizing that we have made imperfect progress away from those reactions to be able to "fall back". 

We are not perfect. We were not made to be perfect. And how each of our "best" looks is entirely different. It is dependent on so many factors including experiences, beliefs, situations, and personality. 

Overnight I had an experience that gave me the gift of seeing how far I have come in one area of my life. In 2011 I was diagnosed with PTSD. It stemmed from a childhood trauma and was compounded, or at least made more obvious, by a few experiences in my young adult life. One way it presented in my life was me being a very light sleeper. To feel secure enough to sleep I needed a small amount of light, silence and a closed, if not locked, door. 

In my quest to help heal some of this I had read a book about another woman who had gone through something vaguely similar. In the book she had confessed that she had not been able to get over the need for the locked door. She shared her heartbreak of broken promises to her young daughter as she would try but fail to be able to leave this open access to herself at night. Her story made me all the more determined to find a way to overcome this.

Fast forward to meeting my husband. His sleep needs are complete darkness and a sound machine or fan. When we moved in together he accommodated my need for light with a small runway of those battery operated tealight candles. We slept with the door fully latched but not locked and the sound machine turned way down. Over the first year something amazing happened. For the first time in my life I was able to get full nights of deep sleep feeling completely safe. Oh there were nights that didn't fit that description but more and more I began to sleep. Now I too prefer the sound of a fan and darkness, with a small flashlight in reach. And since my daughter has come along I have found the peace and security to leave our door open just a little. It makes me feel a little closer and more available to her, even back when she was in a crib. 

Overnight last night was my first real test of this security. As I lay sleeping there was suddenly something grasping my ankle and I could feel the presence of someone in the dark by my bed. There was that moment of freezing, stiff as mind raced to place where I was and what was happening. And yet within that trigger there was the presence of mind to not react, just remain still. Perhaps it was the comforting gentle snore of my husband next to me or the recognition of the gentleness of the movement. I took a breath to bring me fully into the moment just as my toddler pulled herself up onto the bed and sat next to my leg silently. 

Now my daughter has entered our room during the night only maybe half a dozen times since moving into a big girl bed nearly a year ago. Mostly she prefers to stay put in her room and call out over the monitor. But in the past when she has entered she just gives the door a shove and it bangs against the wall waking the whole room giving us plenty of time to respond before she even approaches the bed. 

I sat up slowly and put my arm around her so I wouldn't bump her off the bed. In her quiet, innocent voice she said, "I can't find my water bottle." We both went back to her room and found it hidden down in the covers. I stayed there for a few minutes holding her hand while she drifted back to sleep and that is when it fully hit me. I had just done it. I had experienced what five years ago would have been my biggest trigger and I had remained present and been able to respond calmly. My reward was a calmly snoozing child and a heart bursting with gratitude.

I cannot say for sure that this will always be my reaction. But I am beyond grateful to recognize my imperfect progress and have this beautiful moment of success. 

I'm grateful for self-work and self-awareness. I'm grateful for my amazing husband and all he has done to work with me and help me feel safe. I'm grateful to know what a good night's sleep feels like now, even if it is frequently interrupted now that I have a child. I'm grateful for the idea of imperfect progress and celebrating our steps forward rather than focusing on the times we stumble back. I'm grateful for all the beautiful messages there are to find in books or amazing speeches. I'm grateful for all the people out there that share their inspiring stories in hopes it helps even one person on their own journey. But most of all I'm grateful for that moment tonight when a mother's heart and a breath of presence won out over a reaction to a trauma so far in my past.

What does your imperfect progress look like today? How can you celebrate how far you have come? 

May today remind us the beauty of even the smallest baby steps. May we find comfort and gratitude in the imperfect progress we make each day of our journey. Have a beautiful day!

I like having a plan. I don't need everything spelled out and I love that my job allows flexibility. But when it really comes down to it, I like having a plan. It makes me feel more confident, more secure.

The extent of my plan right now is that sometime between now and early August I will have a baby girl. That does not exactly instill confidence. I like a little more of a plan than that and yet there are many things about this process that I cannot plan. I cannot plan when I will go into labor or how long that labor will last. I cannot plan where I will be when labor starts but hopefully it will at least end at the hospital of my choosing. 

Currently I have clients scheduled through July 25th. That is one week before my due date. The plan is that if I am still able to move around and work and the baby has not arrived I will schedule day by day at that point. My first daughter was due September 10th and I chose August 25th to be my last day of work so that I could do laundry and prepare for her arrival. Instead I went into labor the night of August 24th and she arrived early the 25th. One of the first things I did after giving birth, holding my child and naming her...call that day's clients to cancel their appointments. 

I would love to be able to say, this child will arrive July 26th at two in the afternoon after a full night's sleep. What is that saying? We plan, God laughs. It doesn't quite work that way. What I can do is plan the elements I have some potential control over like refusing an epidural and being able to move around as much as possible. But even those are subject to change depending on what may come. 

So if I can't plan, at least I can focus on the joy and excitement of the end game. At the end of all this I will have two beautiful daughters to hold. I will get to navigate a whole new realm of motherhood. And I will get to have an abundance of love flowing from my heart.

I'm grateful for all the things I can plan, or at least feel like I can plan. I'm grateful to try to remember to be fluid when bumps arise in the plan. I'm grateful for papers like birth plans that give some belief of control and planning. I'm grateful to have been through this once already to have some idea of the process. I'm grateful to still (hopefully) have a few weeks to get things in order. I'm grateful for all the times that things not going as planned turned out to be better than anything I could have planned. 

What level of planning do you prefer in life? What do you do to relieve stress and be in the flow?

May today provide a good flow. May we find our plans in he same line as that flow, or may it turn out better than planned. Have a beautiful day!

This morning as I thought about things that I often take for granted I could not help but think of my feet. How many times have they carried me down paths of exploration, brought me home, or done the exhausted shuffle to take me to my crying child in the middle of the night.

Oh yes, I occasionally massage them or paint their nails but for the most part they go without gratitude. Yet they continue to carry me wherever I need to go. Sometimes they complain about the shoes I choose but for the most part they are very cooperative. 

I spend most of the day on my feet and yet even this late in pregnancy they have not yet begun swelling at the end of the day. They have been trustworthy and dependable and that is something to pause and give gratitude for in my book.

I'm grateful for these two feet. I'm grateful for all the years we have had exploring and seeking adventure. I'm grateful for all the mundane paths we have carved as well. I'm grateful to be able to rely on them to get me where I need to go. I'm grateful to be so blessed to get to take them for granted. I'm grateful for both my daughters having two feet and all the adventures they will go on. I'm grateful to adapt my shoes to fit the needs as my body and age changes. I'm grateful to take a little time to pamper my feet in return for all they give me each day.

Are you blessed to have the ability to use your feet to get around? Where is the best place your feet have taken you? When was the last time you gave your feet a little love and attention?

May today remind us of all the things we take for granted. May we take time to give thanks for our blessings. Have a beautiful day!