These days my schedule seems dictated by a two foot tall mini-me. I wake when she calls and go to bed shortly after putting her to sleep. I do my best to keep a schedule for her naps and if I'm lucky I can get in a couple yoga stretches or a quick meditation while she's down. Sometimes I can even convince myself this is what having things in a row looks like as a parent.
Other days feel like chaos as I debate if I should wake her so she can have a nap before swim lessons or the opposite, wondering how long to let her fuss in her crib because my body says it is way too early to be up. I come downstairs to a living room scattered with puzzle pieces, books, and toys, with a sink full of dirty dishes. I type one sentence of my blog at a time in between fielding requests from a still tired one year old. There is nothing neat or in a row about this life.
More and more as a parent I am noticing the latter. Life as a parent is messy. Even when things are in a row, those rows come with fingerprints and a new set of priorities that say, "who cares if the bed got made." Instead of being in a row like someone with OCD, it is in a row like someone who has a few glasses of wine.
As my daughter runs over for the twentieth time in ten minutes to ask to get up on my lap and show me a letter she found, I have to admit I like the wine row better. My life may have been organized before but it was missing a piece. And this little human with the destruction power of a tornado and a heart twice as big of pure gold is a whole different kind of success and well worth the mess.
I'm grateful to observe the changes my life has undergone. I'm grateful for the vineyard both as symbolism and as a source of wine. I'm grateful to know I am doing my best for my daughter and I'm grateful to know that is the only measurement of success there is in parenting. I'm grateful for all my daughter has brought to my life, yes, the love and the chaos. I'm grateful for the days I have my "ducks in a row" and equally grateful for the days I don't because my gosling took a left turn back at baby gate junction. And for that matter, I am so grateful for baby gates! Haha! I'm grateful. I'm grateful for this beautiful life that is nothing like I imagined but so much more. And on that note, I must go help my daughter as she got her tricycle stuck in the kitchen...something the "ducks in a row" pre-mama baby never would have said but I say now with humor and gratitude.
What in your life is "in a row"? What in your life is not? Which things are you most grateful for today?
May today remind us to laugh off the hiccups in the plan. May we do our best and celebrate that as our success. Have a beautiful day!