As I forced my eyes open this morning to go get my daughter to start the day, I reached out for my phone. I am a logger. I log my daughter's day to try to find patterns that may help me crack the code to sleep. And as I was logging that she was awake again...fifty minutes and sixteen seconds this time...I happened to notice my national holidays calendar alert.
Today is National Everything You Think Is Wrong Day. I starred at it, half of me thinking, "apparently so because I am no closer to sleep than I was several weeks ago" and the other half of me thinking, "shut the f* up, I'm doing everything the experts say". Triggers seem a little closer to the surface when I'm tired, I'm human.
I stopped to pause for just a second and collect myself before hauling myself into my daughter's room to sing her our good morning song with a smile. As I changed my daughter and listened to her babble my thoughts drifted back to the calendar. Clearly it needed a little more thought if it had triggered me so easily.
What if everything I was thinking WAS wrong? Or maybe not wrong but over-exaggerated. At the core of the sleep issues I feel my daughter reaching out for security and comfort. What if my increasing anxiety about waking her is actually the cause of her waking? Up until the sleep trouble started, I vacuumed and did laundry and whatever else needed done and she slept through it all. I did not worry about waking her. She could sleep through the dog barking for crying out loud!
As the weeks of less and less sleep go by, I have become increasingly afraid to wake her and therefore increasingly limited in what I do while she is sleeping. What if that is "wrong"?
Today for nap I went through her routine and laid her in bed. Instead of staying right there I said, "I'll be right back, I have to start some laundry." I left her door open. I made no special effort to be quiet as I loaded the washer. I let it run with the doors open and the noise filling the hallway. She called out to me once and I called back "Hold on, just a minute." I went and did two more quick things. I'm serious, like under 2 minutes total. I walked back in her room and there was my sweet baby, asleep!
I have no idea if it will work for the whole length of her nap. I have no idea what all factors play into the success of this trial. But in stepping back from trying so hard to get her to sleep, I allowed her to sleep. So maybe some of what I think is wrong or at least needing refreshed. Sometimes I get too caught up in the issue that I forget to just step back.
I'm grateful to think outside my box. I'm grateful for the trigger that pointed out something needed more attention. I'm grateful for trying something new...or at least re-new. I'm grateful for the way it worked! And I'm grateful to open my mind to other ways I may be needing to re-think. Most of all I am grateful that my daughter is getting some much needed sleep.
What might you be over-thinking? What could the idea of "what you think is wrong" help you with today?
May today open our minds to the endless possibilities. May we open ourselves to different ideas, beliefs, and practices whether or not we choose to incorporate them into our lives permanently or not. Have a beautiful day!